Hi all --it's been a while.

I've been plagued all of my life with the weight yo-yo syndrome. Up. Down. Up. Down. The last time I allowed myself to drift up to 150 lbs, my highest ever, before finally taking actions to change. I thought -- never again! But yet, over the past 2 years, I've been steadily drifting upward again, WAY out of my desired maintenance range.

Why? Lots of reasons. I got tired of strict counting -- I don't want to live the rest of my life with a food diary attached to my wrist. I hit menopause and my hormones went wacky. I did a lot of marathon training, which one would think would cause you to LOSE weight, but doesn't work that way with me. I feel into bad habits, and allowed too much junk food, too often. Slowly, over time, I regained weight. Not as bad as the last time, but 15 lbs over redline, and 20 lbs over original goal. <sigh>

On the good side: I never stopped training and being active, I'm still in almost the best shape of my life. I say *almost*, because the weight definitely slows me down for running, but I am strong and have awesome endurance. I just finished my second 50K ultramarathon a week ago. I've completed 4 marathons in the last 18 months. You should see my collection of medals. I certainly look better at this weight than I did before. At 130 lbs and 5'2'', I'm not in the "overweight" BMI, and most people would think I am just fine.

But, this is not where I want to be. I felt better and performed better at a lower weight. I MUST stop the slow gain ... I have to find the balance.

Most of all, I am trying not to feel like a failure. So I am reframing into the positive and taking the following actions:
-- Running season is over, so I have stepped up the cross training, upping my burn rate. Working out always makes me feel happy. I am investigating swim lessons, trying new group ex classes and setting new goals unrelated to running. I'm shaking things up.
-- I am consciously eating cleaner, but not trying to be absolutely strict. This is not an "all or nothing" endeavor; that is a trap for me. If I want something, eat a little, just don't go overboard. I won't expect to lose 20 pounds by next week. I just want to tip the balance in the other direction.

My goal is a healthy, active life. I'm not sure that a number on the scale is the right measure of success -- but if I ever figure out exactly what the right measure IS, I'll let you know.

Thanks for listening -- coming here helps me maintain focus.

Have you had your body fat measured? Maybe that would be a helpful place to start to find out how much fat to lose, and not necessarily weight. If you found a good trainer that specializes in working with runners who wish to be at their best, that might also help. I know your body weight is in the normal range, but if you still had a high percentage of body fat, that might be slowing you down. I'd hate to see you wittle away all your lean mass for nothing! Good luck and welcome (again).

Hi Brandis -- I have a Tanita scale that measures BF%. Not the most accurate method, but a decent yardstick to indicate up/down. I have good muscle mass for my size, but I have definitely gained fat along the way. I can see it visually (and feel it), and not just on the scale.

At my lowest weight, I was seeing BF percentage measurements consistently well under 20%, which is considered quite lean for my age (52). I'm not aiming for that -- I can't maintain it -- but want to be lower than the nearly 30% I am seeing now. I can do better.

I'm not concerned about losing muscle mass, because I regularly lift moderate to heavy weights and always eat decent amount of protein. I'm not crash dieting either. My downfalls are sweets and junk food. And running 20 miles doesn't give me license to eat a whole bag of Doritos.

The people that drive me crazy are the ones that say -- Oh, you are so active, you can eat anything you want! No. No I can't.

MBN, I remember you! Welcome back! Jump in on the Slim for Summer thread; we're trying the nudge the scales back down to where we want 'em. Ultramarathons ... wow! No wonder we haven't seen you - you've been out tearing up the roads!

Hey MBN, I remember you! You were one of my inspiration points when I started running actually. I've wondered how you were doing.

Definitely join us in the thread Becky mentioned.

And I'm in awe of the ultramarthon. Wow. Just wow.

Welcome, MBN, come on down ! Of all the things you have mentioned I can assure you many of us have experienced some or all of them.
Come on over to the Slim for Summer thread and meet a great bunch of people who know exactly what you are talking about.

Yes, the running has definitely occupied my attention! I counted up -- since September 2010 I've done 10 half marathons, 4 marathons, and 2 ultras. Oh, and a trail 25K run in the Everglades. And I think a couple of 5K's in there too.

Ultra's are a completely different animal than marathons. They favor the slow and persistent. Which I resemble.

But the downside is that all of those long events pushed me to the edge of burnout. The taper/recovery cycles reduced my overall calorie burn, resulting in weight gain. Overfueling didn't help. As I slowly gained weight, and only trained for long/slow races, I got slower and slower, and it hurt more! The last event was the 50K and frankly, I walked the majority of it. Partly because of the South Florida heat (running in the daytime with temps in the mid to high 80's) and then when it cooled down a bit, I had wicked blisters which impeded running. It was one of those I'm-just-going-to-finish-this-dammit scenarios. 8 hours for 31.5 miles, more than an hour slower than last year. But, I finished!

I'll check out the other thread -- thanks!

It's awesome that you're running ultras - that goes for any age but at 52 - ! It sounds like you are really fit. That certainly is success!

My goal is a healthy, active life. I'm not sure that a number on the scale is the right measure of success -- but if I ever figure out exactly what the right measure IS, I'll let you know.

Your goal sounds similar to most of us. It IS hard to not look at the scale, not compare ourselves to other numbers. We recently had a thread where someone had a goal weight that some others regarded as too high. I think being healthy and active is much more important that being at a "right" weight. Do what feels best.

I think we all struggle with burnout of one kind or another. Maintenance, for me, is quite boring most of the time. I find that my body is quite willing but my mind balks at doing this for the rest of my life (I'm 55). So I eat and I gain. And I diet and I lose. Rinse and repeat. I suppose this is my form of maintenance. For me I just have to work the range of weight into a smaller number. Right now I'm gaining/losing the same 5 lbs. over and over again.

Most of maintenance is about repetition of what works. You, and all the rest of us, have to figure out what works for each of us. There isn't as much information available for maintenance as there is for dieting because so few people (in comparison to the dieters) do maintenance well. So I find this forum really helpful - didn't even really know what maintenance was until I was directed here.

Glad you're checking in on the forum and please do share any insights of your own.

Dagmar

MBN, I understand so much of your post and share your frustration. I have not been training for events as you have, but I've been hitting the gym daily and working hard consistently since moving Upstate with my mother at the end of last summer .... and still managed to gain about 14 pounds.

Someone here has a quote in her signature that says: "You can't out-exercise bad eating habits." Well, my life has offered a real-life example of the truth of that saying.

I've been trying a "back to basics" approach over the past few weeks, in particular, taking another look at my healthy snacks and my portions. I think sheer fatigue kicked in, and I lost some of my vigilance.

The thing is, for me, vigilance is critical. I was over 100 pounds overweight for so many years, and I have to recognize that it has permanently messed up my metabolism. I will always have to work physically harder and to watch my food intake more than someone who was never that heavy. This is not an issue for you, but it's one of those "given" things that I have to understand and work with. I think everyone has some of those unchangeable factors that they have to learn to live with and work around and that they are different for everyone.