I have a pretty common problem - I am afraid of feeling judged/watched when I'm in the gym. I know rationally that everybody is pretty focused on themselves while at the gym, and that the majority of people who see a heavy person at the gym would more likely think "way to go" rather than "you don't belong." However, I feel like every time I go, I have little experiences that reinforce my fear, and I am having trouble letting them go.

For instance, last time I went to the gym they had installed these new little tiny lockers on a wall that have combinations you can choose, they are just the size for your keys and/or wallet. So I decided to use one for the first time at 7am. I read the instructions, but my morning brain got two of the steps backwards - unfortunately they were important steps and it resulted in my keys being in the locker and me having no idea what the combination was. I went to the desk and was apologetic and tried to brush it off, the lady was nice about it and just told me to come back after my workout. So I did. She got the master key, gave me my stuff, was perfectly accommodating, even though I felt like an idiot. But as I walk past the desk to leave, I hear her laughing and talking about me to another employee - saying how I should read the directions first next time (making me feel even stupider).

The time before that, this same woman would not let my husband hold on to my member card (he had pockets, I didn't) and actually took it from him once I had walked away from the desk and put my thing in her office. Then none of the staff knew what she had done with it when we came back and they had to hunt her down (so it wasn't protocol).

OK so maybe I just feel picked on by this one staff member! I am getting anxious about going back lest she be working... I realize there's a good chance she won't remember me because of how many people there are at the gym but I just feel hassled, which my brain interprets as her saying 'why are you here, you don't belong'... Which makes me not want to go...... I keep telling myself to not let her get to me but it's hard when you're already self conscious and are already operating outside of your comfort zone to do something like go to a gym..........

GAH. How do you guys get over situations like this, and find the strength to hold your head up and keep going?

The more experiences you rack up without anything negative happening, the more you dilute the "power" that the bad experiences hold over you.

That woman sounds like a bad employee, and not just to you. Don't let her incompetence at dealing with the public cheat you out of this opportunity.

Try your best to understand that what you said at first, about people there being too focused on their own workouts to pay attention to anyone else, is true. Be brave, be good to yourself, and just go.

As the book says, feel the fear and do it anyway...

F.

This is probably not particularly helpful, but ultimately, you have to find a way to stop caring what this woman or any other person, is thinking about you. Let it go and find a way to acknowledge that her thoughts or feelings have nothing to do with you. It really doesn't matter whether she thinks you are an idiot or not. Don't grant her, or anyone else, that kind of power.

You just go despite that feeling. When i first lost weight, I did it through my college gym. I lost weight to the point where I was in the average range and there was this girl who was very overweight who complained about how far she had to go to a far away gym and I suggested the local one and she looked all angry at me and said "do you even know what its like to be the 'fat girl' at the gym" and if I could go back in time I would be like "yah, and its not that bad"
Really, it isn't. I did hot yoga where there were people with toned abs in their sports bra and some overweight older women also in their bras. We all have to start somewhere.
When I was there, I realized its not the fear of people judging me, because we all know in general, they are not. Its me judging ME. Its a bare comparison, straight in the mirrors between them and me.
I have to get over my fears too-of men, because I will be starting some fitness classes that have men in them. I'll still feel uncomfortable, but at least I'll be more fit and uncomfortable lol.

as far as that rude gym lady, thats happened to me before, but that is not your problem-thats her problem-she's a snotty person. She might laugh about that situation, but nobody brags about being a jerk, not in a serious way-everyone will agree its an annoying trait.

I just started going to the gym myself and I totally feel like you do! We all know the 'right way' to think but why is it so hard to think that way? This gym employee who was making fun of you..was she laughing at you because of your weight or because you made a mistake? In other words were you equating your forgetfulness with your weight because of her remarks? What does your weight have to do with the fact that you made a mistake? NONE! If a skinny girl had made the same mistake do you think the gym attendant would have been so mean?If yes then the attendant is a snotty person to people in general. If no then the attendant is a snotty person to people in general. LOL In other words that is her problem, not yours as it has no bearing on your weight.

Instead of being intemidated by other members I use them as motivation. For instance there is no way that I'm going to let that 65 year old woman outdo me in a workout! LOL Instead of comparitive I become COMPETITIVE and it helps me push myself.

Well, I'd avoid that employee. But other than that, you've just got to talk yourself through the fear of the gym.

I had the same issue. I even started a thread about it. Now I can pretty much exercise in front of whoever, even if I know I look like a moron. So the %$#@ what? I'm there to workout, not look sexy for my fellow members. If they want bombshells dressed in hot outfits, they are so at the wrong place.

But remember, you're doing this for YOU. Do what you have to do to make it happen.

That lady sounds like a terrible employee who is unhappy with her job, try not to let it upset you..although I get it, it would upset me. I think most people are too worried about themselves to even notice anyone else. I know I dont! Unless it's a really stinky man

Go in knowing that you're her BOSS - without your membership, she wouldn't have her salary! You're going in to change your life - negative people like that have no place in your life. Chin up and keep

wow, she sounds very unprofessional. it takes me a while to figure out stupid lockers if it makes you feel any better, lol. if she continues, it might be worth it to track down management/the owner and let them know how she acts.

Fear ALWAYS hinders you from your goals. You are better than the fear. Just go, sometimes we make it worse in our heads then what it really is. Just put in some earplugs and engulf yourself in some music when you are there. I do that and it puts me in my own world where I can ignore everyone else! Just go, don't let anything stand in your way, remember you still have a choice! Make it a good choice! Choose to go!

I go to a University gym where I swear, every single girl there has a super fit body. I wear a size 11 and a medium-large shirt so I am really not that big, but I am always the biggest one working out (also the only one wearing pants and not short shorts!). I am used to working out at an all female, generally older woman gym. I switched to the University since I started attending there and it is free to use the gym. The first day I felt like a cow working out in my sweat pants and t-shirt well having women who are a size 2-4 running around in short shorts and sports bras. Of course, the guys dont mind!

However, I told myself to get over it and I've made myself not even think about it. You only see this woman before and after your workout. I have trouble with my access card to the gym ALL the time. Everyone else can just swipe theirs and the gate opens. It takes swiping mine like 4 times before the thing opens and the staff members all give me this "wtf" look! I laugh it off by saying "just my luck!". You are doing a fantastic thing for your body and soon you'll be reaping the benefits of it. You'll be a pro at the gym soon enough and maybe her opinion will slowly change the more you go!

This is exactly what I was going to say! Someone needs to complain about her. Then, I would be nice as pie to her each time I came in. Kill 'em with kindness, and use that gym as much as you are entitled. Do not let one sucky person interfere with you gettin' your sweat on!

There's a quote (I don't remember who) that nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent! That woman complaining about how you 'should have read the instructions' was cranky because she had to do some work. Yes, you are her boss and if the place was run tightly she should have been suspended. Go to the gym and enjoy yourself.

It does speak to how much power I let others have over me if I let this woman keep me from going to the gym. She's a perfect stranger, how in the world could I let her negativity impact me in such a HUGE way?

The thought of complaining has occurred to me. But I am just so darn non confrontational. I think one more incident would give me the necessary anger to fuel a complaint, but for now we'll just write this one off as "desk chick has no tact and is not someone I want to associate with" and I'll do my best to avoid her.

I just feel so vulnerable at the gym already and I want so badly for the gym to be a positive place for me! Judgey people should not be given jobs at the gym!