(Mods, this is an x-post from Depression, so delete that one if need be)

I cannot seem to stop hating myself and feeling ashamed and disgusted with my behavior for long enough to think rationally enough to actually work on my problems with food. Excuse my grammar; I hope that made sense!

I used to be anorexic and I miss it. I know that is a horrible thing to say, but it's true. This out-of-control feeling around food is robbing me of my life. I am young and used to have so many hopes and dreams, but now I just don't give a d*** about anything.

I don't know what I want out of this. Hugs? Personal stories of triumph? I know I should suck it up, but I am lost as to how to do that. Right now I really don't want to be alive anymore (NOT suicidal, just exhausted)...and I know some of you guys will understand.

I don't know if this will make you feel any better but I think this is actually a very common problem - you simply have it to a greater degree than most. Forgiving one's self and accepting yourself dispite your flaws can be a difficult thing.

Something you might want to look into is finding an emotional counselor that is proficient in EFT.

Goodluck

there is no reason to feel shameful for just being human. i wish i had a story of triumph, but i'm just kinda trekking along like everyone else. making mistakes, bouncing back, making mistakes, etc.. lol

Thank you both; those are excellent points. John, I have tried EFT before and it was amazing...thanks for reminding me.

For YEARS I have been putting off the emotional work while expecting the physical issue of bingeing to...magically resolve itself? I know I need to start working on the feelings while I'm feeling good, not wait till I'm in full-blown panic mode to ask for help.

I feel like I can somewhat relate. Although, I have not been anorexic, I have had struggles in both directions of the starving/binging spectrum. I think it was much easier to NOT eat, than to figure out the food thing. I've been unsuccessful with all of that til recently. I started eating the right foods, and trying to do the right things for my body and making the right food choices eventually became easier, in regards to staving and binging. Easier said than done to tell you not to feel ashamed, but look at yourself like a normal human being who makes mistakes but is becoming stronger and stronger by the day.