Hey all. This is kinda long so feel free to skip lol. I just need to type it up and put it out there.

I've dealt with depression since my early teens. The one time I told a doctor he basically told me suck it up :/ Anyways, I had felt a bout coming on after the holidays and was fighting it with all I could but now I'm dealing with some extra issues.

My little sister, whom was born with congenital heart disease and has had 3 open hearts in her lifetime, has a tumor in her chest. She is having a biopsy on Thursday. I've been going with her to appointments, being her shoulder to cry on, helping her take care of her toddler because she's consumed with fear and can barely function etc. When I'm with her, I do not have to force myself to be strong, I just automatically am. I go into big-sister mode and just do what I have to do and wouldn't have it any other way.

When I get home, I'm exhausted and my walls start to crumble and I start dealing with my own fears and trying to not think the worst. It's interfering with exercising. I haven't worked out in 3 weeks. As far as eating, I have gone days with 600 calories but then there are a couple of days that I have just gorged with whatever was put in front of me. It's mindless eating and it doesn't even feel good. I just do it to make up for the calories I'm not getting when I skip meals.

I know this is bad and I know that I need to stop but part of me feels so depressed and out of control that I'm not even caring. What is happening to my sister is so much bigger than me losing weight in this moment.

I'm sorry for any triggers in this post. I just don't know what to do. I'm not even expecting for people to give me suggestions or tell me what to do. I just needed to get this out my head. I have no one to talk to, except my husband but he's dealing with his father being elderly and losing mobility so we both just end up unloading on each other and crying

I hate this so much.

There have been a few post I have seen on 3FC where people took a break from their diet due to stressful events like grandparents passing away, job transitions, bad breakups, etc. So don't beat yourself up if you haven't exercised in a while and your eating habits are off.

Maybe take a break from dieting and worrying about calories for a while and just watch portion sizes. Like eat at maintenance for a bit til things clam down some. Set aside some me time for yourself. Take a warm bath, grab yourself a hot cup of tea and a good movie. Go to bed early. It will get better.

Being a big sister can be both tiring and fulfilling. I too have a sister to look after, although my sister duties are not as heavy as yours. Your strenght is admirable. Your sister is very blessed to have you. With regards to your dieting issues, I would agree that it can be hard to stay on-track with our fitness goals when we are emotionally stressed out, but it is not impossible. You can care for your sister but you must not forget about yourself--your well-being. Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. The ultimate goal is a balanced life, with time for work, relationships, relaxation, and fun.

I agree that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself, you are under a lot of pressure, it's perfectly acceptable if your diet does not constitute a priority right now. Once some of the stress goes away, I'm sure you'll be back to your healthy eating pattern. In these types of situations you just need to stay strong, gather all your energy and try to manage your emotions as best as possible. It's really hard knowing that someone you love, your sister, is going through such pain, and I admire you for trying to stay strong for her. However, you need to consider your needs as well, allow yourself some time to relax, cry if you have to, do whatever you need to feel better. If you feel better, you'll be able to help her more.

I wish you and your family the best!

Thanks for all the wonderful and wise comments ((hugs)). Just putting it out there took some of the burden off me. I've been getting back in the game, tracking my food and restarting Ripped in 30. THANK YOU ALL

LaMariposa,

I have the same problem of undereating/overeating. It definitely is because of depression, but doesn't help the depression! I'm glad you are back on goal and feeling good about it.

I'm grateful to see your post, though, because I can relate. Stressful family health issues have contributed. I had never experienced the undereating side of emotional eating before.

Thanks,
jerzygal