Ugh, I don't know where to begin without writing 50 pages here.. I'll try to keep it brief... my husband and I are both overweight. We both need to lose 50+ lbs (me 55ish, him 60ish)... I am physically healthy other than the fact that I'm out of shape etc... He has some problems, high blood pressure, sore feet/knees, and was told at his last dr appt that he is pre-diabetic. I am very concerned about his health and feel like if he lost some weight his problems would greatly improve. I thought we were both ready to start this journey after too many vacations spent sleeping instead of out adventuring, too many disappointing family pictures where we both looked awful and fat, too many days of being sore or tired or being in a rut.. life is passing us by... Both of our weight gain is from being lazy and over eating... We have a big vacation in April and we both want things to be different, we want to like the pictures, do more fun stuff, not be as tired, etc...
It seems like everytime I come up with an idea, there are excuses...
One idea I had was a friendly bet to see who could lose the most weight by April 1. The "loser" would put a set amount of money towards buying clothes for the winner for a trip we are taking. He was against it because he said it would be unfair for the "loser" because they would have to buy clothes due to their own weight loss as well... We both work and this certainly wouldn't be a financial hardship so I felt like it was a total excuse.
I decided not to join the local gym because with my work hours I felt that it wasn't likely I would go. I decided I wanted to do bike riding/walking etc..
The problem is, if I am going to workout before work it will have to be at 5 am, I can't go jogging or ride my bike outside at that time because its still dark and therefore unsafe. He is very safety minded and even though we live in a good area, I agree that it probably isn't smart to go walking/jogging/riding bike at 5 am when its dark and the streets are empty. I can't go at night for the same reasons. (I can't = he doesn't think its a good idea) So, in order go go walking/jogging/riding bike I need to start literally within minutes of arriving home. If I am caught late at work or have to stop at the grocery store for something, its usually too late to go by the time I get home. I feel like my family "invents" things that need to be picked up at the grocery store to make me late on purpose, even though it may not be intentional.. but everyone knows if I make a stop, I probably won't make it home until it starts getting dark...
I was also interested in doing a boot camp program, I felt like even if I did that at 5 am it would be fine because its a group of people in a very well lit area etc... There haven't been any near my house lately and then recently there was one on a coupon site for $30 for 8 weeks unlimited classes, the classes were at 7-8 pm several nights a week only a 10 minute drive from home. I was really excited and called him to see if he would like to do it with me and I would sign us both up... He immediately thought it was a bad idea... he started complaining about the late hour of the class and then he started suggesting that I sign up for one he heard about close to my job, which makes no sense, since I only get a 30 minute lunch break and it would take me at least 15 minutes to get there and then 15 minutes back etc...
A few weeks ago I started doing this Couch to 5k program which is basically an interval running/walking program that increases the amount of running over time... He has had several complaints about that, basically saying that the program is too hard and he doesn't think I will be able to do it once I get to week 3 which includes one 3-minute running segment. But at the same time, he tells me that I'm doing great and that hes proud of me... I'm really trying to stay on track, one day last week when I couldn't do it because I had to go to the store after work, I insisted on doing it the next day even though it was pouring rain for the entire run... and another day when it got dark earlier than I expected I insisted on doing it and he followed me on his bike...
I have been encouraging him to go with me any time I go on a bike ride and he always does... but our bike rides aren't very long (3-6 miles depending on the route etc) on flat road so its not like we are sweating our asses off... but definitely better than sitting on the couch I guess... thats why I started the C25k program... He did the first week of C25k with me, but I know it was hurting his feet/knees, so I encouraged him to walk or bike ride while I jogged/walked. Out of the 5 workouts I have done so far, I think he did the first 3, did not go with me for #4 and rode his bike with me for #5.
Also, I'm solely responsible for the grocery purchasing and cooking, so I have greatly improved our diet already, not purchasing any junk food/sweets/ice cream etc, and also incorporating small salads and more veggies into the dinners. But, I don't have any control over what he has for lunch and its not usually great... he usually goes out to lunch with friends to whatever restauraunt is convenient so I can't even pack him a healthy lunch. Also, he drinks a lot of red wine after dinner... I have to figure out how to try to get him to drink less red wine or at least educate him about the calories in red wine without turning into a major nag...
It just feels like everything I do is met with excuses or discouragement... Even though we have discussed at length that the reasons we want to lose weight are the same (as mentioned above + more) he has made a couple of little comments like "who are you trying to impress by losing weight" "are you trying to get guys to flirt with you" and my response is "yes i'm trying to get YOU to flirt with me!!!" We have a good relationship, we have been together over 15 years and married for 4.. we don't have any history or problems with infidelity etc... Even though we don't really have intimacy problems we are definitely in a rut and I'm sure he would be a lot more attracted to me if I lost some weight and things would uhm be better if we were both fitter, TMI lol... I feel like he is threatened that I'm going to lose weight and leave him behind.. but the reality is, I want us BOTH to lose weight so we can be happier together... I know you can't make someone else be ready to do this.. but I also feel like he is ready to do it but that he is scared of failure...