Hello fellow chicks,

I'm a bit concerned about a dinner I have to attend on Saturday night. I have to attend because it's with my husband's clients. Instead of going to a restaurant, I have been informed that we will be going to their home because the wife is an incredible chef. Not only is she fantastic, she is an award winning baker! I don't want to offend anyone by abstaining from the goodies. I know they're doing it out of love for my husband's work performance. I've never met any of them and I want to come across as grateful and pleasant. To be honest, I'm quite stressed about this. I'm a binge eater and I'm trying SO hard no to binge. I have an all or nothing mentality. How do I handle the situation? I can't bring any food because they won't hear of such an idea and truth be told, I'm a horrible cook and would just make a fool of myself by bringing my less than mediocre fare.

Any thoughts? I kind of am thinking I should eat by having as much as other people are having. I have a hard time knowing what is normal when it comes to food so I thought I'd just see what the other wives are having and have a similar amount. Another thing is I'm planning to drink lots of water and not showing up starving, since feeling deprived may lead me to overeat even more. I'll also try to fill up on veggies, but I have a feeling there will be butter, oil and sauces on most things. I think I should just resign myself to the fact that I'll be off track, but thankfully it's a dinner so how much damage can I really do? I just need to jump back on track the very next morning.

Finally, I'm a nervous person when it comes to meeting new people (although I hide it very well and people are stunned by this little fact) so I will absolutely have one glass of wine to help me relax. That one I can't avoid. I never ever drink...maybe once every 6 or 10 months?

Would love any advice, support or swift kick in the backside.

I've been in your position too and it was over the holidays. I basically had a second thanksgiving/Christmas at my best friend's mom's house. Our situations are a bit different in the fact that I've known my friend and her mom for over 13 years. But her mom doesn't believe in diets and can be quite belittling if she so much as suspects that I'm dieting. She is also a pretty good cook and baker and requires me to taste everything she is working on. I do get lucky in the way that she has come to know that I'm a picky eater so I was able to play that off a bit. But I won't say that night ended happily with no binges because that's not true. I stuffed myself with pie...and more pie.

What I can say is what I learned from it. I learned that I should have filled up like crazy on the green beans and water. I should have allowed myself to eat a little bit more bread and turkey because I was still a little hungry when the deserts rolled around and they are my greatest weakness. I think sticking to the portions of everyone else is probably wise but maybe load up more on veggies and hang back a little more on the calorie dense foods.

One of the other things I also learned was that tomorrow is a new day and yesterday doesn't matter. In the past if I binged then I would either workout like crazy the next day in punishment, which only burned me out, or I would say screw it and keep eating. I couldn't change what happened yesterday but I have full control over what happens today. So if by chance you wind up eating more than you planned don't alter or stray from the next day's diet plan. Keep to it like you would with any other day.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for that LovelyLeah! It's so nice to get your feedback....truly. I will do what you suggested and hopefully this won't derail me for long.

Maybe use this as a test. See if you can restrain yourself from over eating and think of it a different way. Think of it as an opportunity to prove to yourself you can overcome binging and just have a good night! As the previous poster said, it is just one meal, and think of the work you have done so far, and the next day start back on plan! We all have binges, and other stumbling blocks, and its how we recover from these that is important, some things cannot be avoided. Theres a good phrase, "Its okay to cheat, but not to quit". Enjoy yourself, you deserve to after getting so far!

Eat and enjoy! Your plan to eat the same amount as the other wives is a good plan - stick to it. It's one dinner - not a dealbreaker or derailer. Just one dinner. It's so hard when your relationship with food is dysfunctional, but I think in cases like this it's a great opportunity to practice being "normal."

Ditto. Enjoy yourself and use the other women as a "gauge" - if you feel like you've "overdone it" dont let that one dinner derail all of your efforts.

I'm a binge eater also and I know if I personally went into that situation restricting myself na turning things down for fear of deviating from my "all or nothing" mentality, I would end up having a terrible binge afterwards. My thought is that we can't restrict everything that triggers us forever, there will always be social events with lots of food and we have to somehow find a happy medium between staying in control and not avoiding/restricting everything.

Good luck!

In such situations I find that a little planning can be very helpful, even if you don't know what the actual menu will be. For instance, you could plan to have soup or salad, one small portion of main course, one veggie side dish, one serving of dessert, and one glass of wine. That might set you back about 1,200 calories, so no big deal. Once you've outlined your plan, VISUALIZE youself at the dinner table, serving yourself, enjoying the food on your plate and ignoring the rest, talking to people, etc.

I do this whenever we go to my brother's house and it works pretty well for me. (My sister-in-law has frequent dinner parties for family birthdays and such, and always orders from one of our city's finest caterers. Gourmet food is my biggest weakness.)

Freelance

Hey Luckymommy,
I think you are working yourself up over this & you really shouldn't! Try not to worry your pretty lil head, it's only 1 meal and you shouldn't be getting your undies in a bunch over this! I think you should eat a healthy breakfast, a healthy lunch & enjoy what is served at the party, with no GUILT whatsoever! Binges happen when you deprive yourself of certain foods, try to incorporate those foods from time to time instead, (a few hundred calories here & there certainly is better for you than 3000 calories or more being consumed in a binge bender!) Being deprived backfires time and time again setting you up for a binge & it's a vicious cycle. I have been there & done that, but when I finally incorporated the so called forbidden foods back into my life, things are so much sweeter literally!!! I think your weight is a good weight for you to be at & I think you look Fab-u- Less!! I say breathe, relax & simply enjoy your dinner out & just enjoy the company that you will be with & be proud of your husband & don't be FOCUSING on the food. It is just food for gosh sakes. The day after the party you can get back to eating your "safer comfort foods" again if that makes you happy!!!! Really try not to make it into a big dealio in regards to you & what you should or shouldn't be eating. Girl- you so got this!!!! Put your big girl panties on & trust yourself... Yup, I say party on garth....

Thanks chicks! I really appreciate all of your input and support. You've given me some great advice and I also had a good chuckle (evilwoman, yes, I'm talking to you!) I need to just take it easy and enjoy and see this as an opportunity to improve my relationship with food. I'll do my best to do so. At the same time, those of you who have a true addiction with food understand that it's kind of like telling an alcoholic to just go to the bar and only have a couple of drinks. It just ain't as easy as it sounds or I wouldn't be losing and gaining 50-70 lbs. more times than I can even remember. Thanks again. I am so glad I posted here regarding this issue.

Hey luckymommy,
So how did the dinner go? Let's hear the deets!

Hi evilwoman and anyone else who is interested. The dinner was awesome! I had a great time, didn't get my panties in a bunch and loved everything I ate. The only thing I did was instead of having one drink, I had 3...ooops! However, it was worth it because I never drink so it was good to let of some steam. I did emulate how one of the other women ate (she was as skinny as a model) and I ended up eating less than her because I actually didn't finish my desert (although I had two deserts as everyone else did). I probably ate 2,000 calories at that dinner, but I walked to the gym this morning, worked out there and walked back home. I'm back on track and eating all of my usual fare that makes me feel in control. I consider this experience a great victory because I now know that I'm actually capable of having a splurge meal without having it turn into something sick and twisted. My husband and I have decided that we will do this once a month as we're trying to reach our goals and that once we hit goal, we'll increase it to twice or thrice (one of my favorite words, btw) a month. Thanks so much chicks! I don't think it would have gone as well without all of your support.

Yahoo, glad to hear you trusted yourself & enjoyed your dinner out. Now that you have this social situation under your belt, it will become easier next time, just remember YOU so got this! BRAVO chicky, BRAVO... So ya
imbibed thrice huh? way to hydrate!

I am currious , what did they serve and what were the two deserts ?

Bargoo! Hahahaha! What a funny question. Ok, there will be some info here that might trigger people to binge, so pls stop reading if you feel this might have such an impact on you.

We started with an Ahi poke with crackers. Champagne with hibiscus flower marinated in syrup. Yum! Then there was a spinach salad with pecans she candied herself that were incredibly good. I'm not sure what the dressing was, but it was made from scratch and made me love the spinach. Then came the main course. Mashed potatoes with horseradish...this gave them a kick I never expected and I would have liked to be left alone with the entire amount! There was shrimp with an oil that was infused with blood orange...very unique flavor. Mushrooms of some sort, grilled asparagus and some grilled beef of some sort.

The best part were the deserts. She had strawberries that were picked from the organic farm that very morning, dipped in chocolate sauce. Wow. Lemon tart with fresh rasberries that had fresh lemon in it and she made the whole thing from scratch. No store bought crust, like I would do. The best thing by far though was the chocolate tart. It had the crust, a layer of caramel and then a very rich chocolate that was dense. At this point, I had to restrain myself from asking her to marry me (I"m a married woman, but you know what I mean!). My husband was glad I can't cook like that or else he'd be bigger than the house.

They even invited us to spend the night so that she could make us breakfast but we resisted. She sent us home with some chocolate truffles as a parting gift. Can you believe this woman??? She had them wrapped in something I would assume only Martha Stewart would thing of, but she thought of it all apparently.

What a fantastic meal ! If they had asked me to spend the night I would have to refuse because I know I would be up in the middle of the night looking for those deserts !!