Sorry for the diary entry, y'all! lolol
The good stuff first! I don't give myself a lot of credit or compliments at all. I have been doing so good these last two weeks starting out. And it's kind of effortless. I'm not saying there aren't times where I'm tested or that I'm craving something really bad, but I kind of overlook all of that and look at the big picture. I think I'm so sick and disgusted at the way I've become that this is gonna be a way of living for me, albeit differently.
I've been getting up at 6:30 and doing the walking, except for Tuesday. I was being so lazy that I slept in until I had to get up for work. But guess what? I made myself walk when I got home which I absolutely HATED. So, I woke up today at 6:30 and I walked. And for a couple of seconds, hopefully close to a minute I jogged. It wasn't much, but it was more than I've ever done.
When I tried to lose weight other times I'd make up excuses of why I could cheat or why a couple, three, four, five hundred bites were okay so long as I still said I was on a diet and I turned it around the next day. Only for a couple days to pass until I gave up completely. I can't feel that coming on.
I'm drinking water. I'm eating vegetables. I'm watching my portions, and paying attention to calories. I'm saying no to people asking me if I want snacks or candy that I know at this point in time if I say yes, it'll never be no. It will continue to be yes, until I fall off again, and I'm not doing that.
I come to this site religiously. I post, or I read and read if I'm really feeling kind of like I want to do something bad, until the feelings gone.
And I think it's easier for me this way, because I know things aren't off limits, just smaller portions, and when I feel like I won't binge on them.
The only thing I won't give up is diet coke. I know...I know. But I'm still losing with it, and sometimes we just have to have that one thing that we won't give up just for us.
Anyway, I know this is long, but I don't really have anyone to share these things with.
Okay, so I went to the store...by passed all the junk. I only went for a couple of things, and it wasn't easy, but I did it. I looked longingly all of the cookies, and the ice cream, and I went for the carrots and the yogurt.
Also, I loooooove milk. But I know the calories and things that come with it and I can't stomach skim milk. So I bought vanilla almond milk just to try. And I'm glad that I didn't get regular almond milk, because it would've been too strong. But this is subtle enough, and seems milky enough for me to tolerate long term. So yay for that!
These are small accomplishes, but I don't think anyone knows how big they are.
Anyway, on to the venting. I work with three girls in our department. I work in a call center. They've been really encouraging and supportive of my decision to lose weight. I talk to them sometimes when it's been getting hard. However, we were talking the other day...and for some reason they thought it was okay to tell me how small I should get. They asked me how much I was trying to lose, instead of saying how much, I said I wanted to get down to a size 10-12 and then think about it when I get there. They immediately were like, "oh, no, no that's why too small for you. You should get down to like a 14 or 16 and be happy there". I know they didn't mean it in a mean way, and they feel like they're looking out for me, but I was put off. Who are you to tell me how small I should get? That's for me. I'm losing the weight. I'm doing this for me, no one else. They're both sizes 14 and 18...and I don't really know what it was about, but I didn't like it.
Losing weight is definitely a roller coaster of emotions. And anyone who isn't losing weight doesn't know how hard it really is.