I used to have a problem with binge eating. I would eat until I hurt. Then I'd purge. It was to the point that I was blacking out while purging. I got it under control and ate "normally" for a while. Prior to the binging, years ago, I would over restrict, I'm talking less than 500 calories a day. Needless to say, getting to the point I was able to eat normally was a task.

Now I am getting divorced. I'm working outside of the home in a physically difficult and often stressful factory job. I'm raising 2 kids under the age of 6 by myself since the father is in another state. I'm struggling with bills etc. Blahblahblah long story short I'm stressed.

I can feel the binge/restrict beast looming. I had been bordering on falling back into binging for a couple of months. It scared me, and I've been obsessing over calories and restricting. I set my menu for tomorrow and the total was only 800 calories and I WAS HAPPY ABOUT IT. Still am, but I know it isn't healthy. I am starting to crave that hungry feeling again.

I'm not stupid. I know my body cannot function on less than probably 1500-1800 calories just because of my job and workouts. I know my hair, skin and nails will suffer. I'm already having some health problems that mean until I figure those out, over restricting is the LAST thing I should be doing. I have a boyfriend who doesn't like the bony-thin look on women and will probably call me out on not eating (already has a few times) and I don't want the confrontation. I want to be healthy. BUT NONE OF THAT IS STOPPING THIS FEELING!!

I need some support right now. I need to get my head out of the calorie calculators and "thinspiration" and before and after pictures. I need to stop obsessing over the fact that my jeans are too tight.

Help? Advice? Something?

Try consuming water instead? I'm sure you're not hungry & doing it based on stress and having that feeling come over you. We all do it.

If you find that you can't control it, try snacking on healthier items. I tend to chew on a few baby carrots or celery to just have something, but not necessarily acting on my cravings.

A counselor sounds like the best idea - maybe someone who's been in your shoes? A local support group where you can talk to people in-person?

Sometimes I turn to "The Superfoods" diet, because it made me enjoy eating more healthy foods, instead of hating what I was shoveling in my mouth. It gave me a different satisfaction in my meal planning.

Do you live alone? Getting roommates might also help you check yourself, but then again, they may also add more pressure.

I really don't have time (or money) for a counselor. I thought about telling the boyfriend, but I don't want to be judged. When we were still married, I told my ex about it and how I needed his support and understanding and he said "It's pretty f'd up that you would feel guilty about a tiny plate of spaghetti. Get over yourself." So I just hid it from him, which led to the purging/binging because he himself was a binger and wanted "company".

I feel slightly better today. As in, I feel like if I take it meal by meal I might be able to handle it. I got over it once before, I'm sure I can do it again.

Last night was just hard. I HAVE gained back about 10lbs in the past month and a half, mainly because the ex was coming to town to take the kids for Christmas. He isn't the nicest, well, when he isn't manipulating me, so I was honestly scared. The anxiety was overwhelming. Couple that with all the holiday food and it was almost inevitable. He left to go back to his state yesterday. I'm also running out of jeans that fit because of the weight gain, so I was having issues with that.

Today will be better.

ETA: I do eat healthy foods. I tend to keep trigger foods out of the house completely and stock up on fruits and veggies, even if they're frozen, so I have something quick to make. I'm not the best at eating my veggies if I don't stay on top of it, lol.

I sent you a private message. I have been there

Just wanted to send you some for what you're going through. I've had and still have binge eating issues, so I can understand how tough things can be, but you have kids in the picture, so your health is of upmost importance. They really need you and I'm sure you know that and are doing your best. For me, what really helps is giving myself a caloric range and then keeping a food log. That means I have some wiggle room. So for me, I try to eat between 1200 and 1600 calories a day. I log every calorie I eat in my log and that gives me a tremendous sense of control. I think at the end of the day, this has a lot to do with control. Exercise also gives me that feeling of control. Of course this is nothing like getting counseling, but since you said you're not able to get counseling at this time, I think trying different things is wise. Some people find that OA (Overeater's Anonymous) is helpful and it's free, but you have to be able to get to the meetings and really work the program's steps. The nice thing about it is you can get a sponsor who you can call during times when you feel weak. I hope you figure it out. I'm glad you're feeling better.

I really feel for you! I have been bulimic for over 7 years and have gone through several periods of recovery (I am in one right now) so I know how hard this can be. As far as a counselor goes I have seen about 5 and none of them helped one bit they focused entirely on the purging and absolutely zero on binging which is the root of the problem for most bulimics and it is a grossly over-looked disorder for millions of non purgers. The best advice I can give is to plan out your meals as much as possible. Do not make an eating plan too rigid but think about what you have in the house and what sort of satisfying food you can make with that.