I'm so completely frustrated with myself. I've been extremely overweight for over 15 years. And for years and years I just ignored it. I was an ostirich who burried my head in the sand by avoiding mirrors and photographs. I just ignored the fact that it was harder for me to do things physically and that no guys ever check me out at the bar. That I'm always the funny one in the group and not the pretty one. I avoided it all.

And I've had sooooo many situations over the years to where I shouldn't have ignored it anymore. I should have been so embarrassed by a situation that it should have forced me to do something. I don't even want to go into the numerous details and situations but there have been MANY.

And randomly I've tried to lose wieght at certain points in the past and the scale has never budged. In the recent years I've learned that it was partially due to medical conditions that I'm fighting. But I didn't know it then and it was just discouraging.

So now I've woken up at 35 with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and hypothyroidism (hashimotos). I also suspect PCOS. On top of that I'm on medications for a mood disorder and depression. So I figured that this should FINALLY be my wake up call. I've hired a personal trainer and a nutritionist to get professional guidance. I've been with them for 2 months and haven't lost a damn thing. In fact I've gained a little bit. And why is that? Because I meet with them and then don't do anything on the plan for the rest of the week. I spend all of this money and then I don't do the things I know need to be done.

What's it going to take? Why do I still eat like crap when I know what I need to do. I'm a very logical and intelligent woman (i think). So why don't I do what makes sense? Why do I hold on extremely tight to the bad habits?

My nutritionist wants me to start seeing a therapist. I guess she's right. But I'm just so frustrated with myself. I'm so over myself and my excuses yet I just don't do anything about it. What's it going to take? Death? I'll surely lose weight if I die. But then I won't be around to enjoy it. Sorry, for the dramatics, but I'm just so amazed that I'm not doing everything possible to get healthy. But I'm just not and it's ridiculous. Ugh, not sure what to do to win this internal battle. Any suggestions? What could possibly be the wake up call that I'll listen to?

You don't need a wake-up call. You already know that you're overweight and that your health is in jeopardy.

It think you might want to take your nutritionist's advice and see a therapist. A good therapist could help you identify exactly where things are breaking down and help you learn how to overcome that.

HI!
I didn't know you have Hashimoto's. I was just diagnosed myself.

And I just came on here feeling very similar. (I won't hijak your thread, I'm signed on with the plan of posting my own)

I think there must be some deep seeded emotional or physiological reason that some of us are prisoners to our eating habits. Perhaps its our personality types, or how we were taught, but why do some of us, knowing full well what we are doing continue to time after time make poor choices? Can the pattern every truly be broken?

A therapist sounds like a good idea. It can't hurt. Maybe he or she can help shed a little light on what's going on. Its definitely worth the try.

I think that most bingers are eating to smother deeper emotions or issues.

Same as an alcoholic. Its not enough to want to quit, you've got all the right tools in place. You need to confront your demons and get past the excuses to the real issue.

It isn't just that we "love food" or "like to eat" or have a "bad habit." Its more than that...those are just excuses.

ED is a symptom of a bigger problem.

If you need a therapist to help you get through this I'd say its a great idea!

People with Binge Eating Disorder have much more serious problems than "staying on track." You have habits, such as bad eating habits, that are hard-wired into your mind, and are stubborn to change. I definitely think it is a good idea for you to see a therapist, it should help.
However, these things can't change overnight. Changing your lifestyle and your habits that have been acquired over your whole life is very difficult. You need to be patient, and accept the fact that changing isn't easy. And changing will take a long time.
So, take a deep breath, and remember it's never too late to get healthy.
Good luck. God bless.

It's not about just eating less or pushing the food away. Binge eating disorder is real. I know. I do agree that therapy is one of the first steps to change habits and lifestyles and thought patterns. If therpay isnt an option for you, there are many books that can help.

Good luck

I'd go see a therapist. For me emotional eating really had a hold on me and it was just so hard to get past that. I did it without a therapist but honestly? I think if I would've had that extra help I could've started a lot sooner and it would have probably been a lot easier.

i can't really say what gave me that final push to change my life. It was a ton of little things that just added up to a big avalanche of changes.

Anyways, lots of and i hope you're able to figure things out.

I agree with the other posters here - binge eating isn't about just over-eating at dinner and not getting enough exercise, it's about deep-seated habits smothering uncomfortable emotions. My husband is 6' tall and used to weigh about 225 lbs - someone at work made an off-hand comment about him 'getting bigger' and he promptly came home, started running, eating so healthfully that it got annoying and in about 8 months, lost 50 lbs. That was 2.5 years ago and he hasn't really faltered at all (he has run 4 half-marathons and 1 full marathon so far).

He has NO concept of why losing weight is such an issue for me. I'm a binger, it's my addiction. I've worked 10x harder this year than he did when he lost weight, emotionally and physically. I'm not just eating well and exercising, I'm trying to figure out why I turn to food and why I allowed myself, for 2 decades, to make excuse after excuse that kept me fat and unhappy. Talk about hard work!!!

Plain and simple - it isn't about the food. The food is just a by-product, a symptom...you have to target the illness. I think seeing a therapist is a great idea. It is SO hard to figure out the triggers to binging and even harder to overcome them - there is no shame in seeking outside help to do so.

I never said Binge Eating Disorder wasn't real... I was just saying that the binge eating habits are hard-wired into the mind and are difficult to change.

Absolutely. I binge and it's something I have to actively work on every day, practically every minute. It sucks, but it's getting better. It's about things you've tried to deal with by eating them. Something that helped me break through and to at least start realizing what I was doing was a fantastic book by Marianne Williamson called A Course In Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever. I love this book. And although I'm never perfect, I know I am on my way. And if you can, absolutely talk to someone! If we treat the real reasons that we use weight and food, we can start to eliminate the root of the problem. Good luck!!

If you can, you might want to check out OA. Though if you find a good therapist that is awesome!

I have to say though that despite going through therapy (granted it was at a time in my life where I was not desperate enough, so it's probably not a fair judgement), it was OA that saved my life. I know it's not for everyone though.

I use WW for an eating plan, but am 12-stepping to get my heart and head on a healthier path.

How about learning to love yourself? Love yourself enough that you WANT to STOP PUNISHING your body.

I have taken control of my binge eating without a therapist. But if that's what you need to take control, then by all means - get thyself to a therapist, pronto!

I just got sick of seeing myself look like crap and feeling like crap - ALL THE TIME. I think a lot of *MY* binge eating was self-anger. Angry for not achieving certain things I thought I should have achieved in life. Angry for not living up to my "potential", angry for some things that were completely out of my control. BUT I LOVE ME! - I really do, and I think using food as a punishment (i.e. overeating, or disorders such as bulimia and anorexia) is a form of self-hate because it's a form of punishment. And the fact that I love myself but was displaying self-hate actions was an oxymoron (key word: MORON, lol!!) and I simply needed to "GET REAL" with myself.

It WAS/IS about the food for me. I LOVE FOOD. Pure & simple. Food is the TOOL I have been using to punish myself. BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE FOOD OR ELSE WE CANNOT EXIST. I simply had to learn to use the "tool" in a better manner. I liken it to using a chainsaw for cutting down a 2 ft bush, when really a pair of hedge trimmers would have sufficed.

I realize it's not that simple for most people, but it was for me. And a side note: simple DOES NOT EQUAL easy!! Hiking a mountain is simple. Is it easy? Nope.

Now I maintain that if I love myself, then I want to take care of myself. That means eating healthy NORMAL amounts of food, getting exercise, generally taking care of my body so that in my elder years, it can take care of me.