OK, so I know this thread comes up constantly, but I really need some advice here.
I've been living with my boyfriend since June. I've been maintaining around 135 since May, and decided a couple of months ago that "around" 135 was not cutting it. I was having days when I'd be up 2lbs to 137 and all of my pants didn't fit. I decided that 135 should be my redline rather than my average. The problem is, I'm not eating what I was when I was losing.

My boyfriend is an excellent cook. He subscribes to the quite true idea that cooking at home in large batches is economically better than prepacked food or eating out. But, he does not cook low calorie food, nor does he understand portion control. We had a big discussion about me needing smaller amounts of food than he does, and he listened for a month or so. Tonight I got a big honking chunk of chicken pot pie made with full on butter crust. I feel like I'm wasting our money on the food by not eating it (that is, if I can resist eating it, tonight I couldn't. There's a big reason I take portioned food with me to work, and that is my tendency to eat all of it.) And he seems to get a big kick out of packing my dinner and driving me to work if I let him, some manly chivalry thing that I feel like I'm stepping all over if I tell him I can't trust him to pack my food and sometimes I want to drive my own car.

I love him a lot, I see the strain on his face if I tell him I have an issue with something he does, it's like kicking a puppy. How do I tell him that he is sabotaging my maintenance and his own (funny how men in relationships start putting on the happy weight, I'd love him at any weight, but 10 lbs since moving in is not good) and that I can't eat all his calorie dense food before it spoils because he is cooking for a village and I can only eat a small portion without gaining? I feel like I'd be trampling all over his cooking and his ego by telling him he is not needed to cook or by choosing to eat a different meal plan than he does. At this point I'd rather go back to bringing lean cuisines to work because they're not a grab bag of calories and portion sizes, plus incidentals like chocolates he throws in as a "treat" for me.

Whew, that's a lot of rant, if you're still with me, how would you approach this topic?

You can start out with this very simple fact : A woman of 5'6" does not need the same calories as a man of (insert his height here). All people do not have the same calorie requirements.
Point out that while his meals are delicious , they are not healthy, too much butter. You are probably not having a problem with cholesteral but if and when you are the doctor will tell you;
Reduce the amount of red meat that you eat,
Drink only fat free milk.
Cut waaaaay back on butter.
Buy him a low fat cookbook for Christmas. You can make delicious meals that don't require a pound of butter.

Make it clear you will not give up your health and happiness for anyone. Sorry, I know that is harsh, but I think a lot of unhealthy relationships could be avoided if we would put aspects of ourselves first.

This would make me nervous.

I am in 100% FULL agreement with Hiking Chloe!!!

I was going to say the same thing. Taking you to work and all that once in a blue moon is totally cool. Saving you from car trouble, cool... wanting to do it all the time and getting upset if he cant/ you wont let him? Not cool. You are you and he is he. Even if you are together forever, this will still be the case, and you are completely capable of taking care of yourself once in a while.

You are woman, roar! lol.

My now-husband was like that, way back in the day (now that we've gotten on in years and had kids, it's pretty much reversed, lazy bum lol), it was because he wanted to be my knight in shining armour, and no other sinister motive.

If you don't tell him otherwise ("No, I'm driving myself, I need some independence) then he may just feel that you are loving this 24/7 and not change at all. Same goes for food.

If you feel you can't tell him, well, that's a bit worrysome!

Portion out the rest of his food and freeze it - he can eat it before it spoils, you don't have to, and there's no waste.

Honestly, if you sat him down and told him about your diet, he should respect you as a person enough to just listen. You're not asking for a lot, you're saying that you want to be healthy. He should want the same for you.

Can the two of you cook together incorporating healthier ingredients/recipes?

The idea that you can't express yourself or drive your own car without hurting his feelings makes me feel nervous too. You're allowed to be a self-sustaining individual!

My boyfriend is kind of like this but he doesn't cook huge portions of unhealthy food. My boyfriend just wants to stuff me with snacks and chocolate all the time. We can just be done dinner and he is already asking me what else I want even if I have stated that I am full. I think it makes him feel good when he feeds me, kind of like he's taking care of me.

Like you said it was like kicking a puppy talking to him about it but it had to be done. I started it off with something like "Hun, I love that your always thinking of me and want to make sure I am full but I need you to stop offering me foods I shouldn't be eating". My boyfriend originally was doing this with me but since meeting his goals has really "let loose" with himself. Him and I had a long talk about why it bothered me so much and I gave him other things he could do for me that I enjoyed more then food. Like a foot rub, a magazine, renting a movie etc.

Your best bet is to portion out and freeze the food he is cooking so that it lasts longer. Sometimes I even get ultra sneaky and put some of my portion back when he's not looking and when he asks me if I want seconds I tell him "Oh baby, it was so good but I am full, Why don;t you take the leftovers for lunch tomorrow?" He falls for it every time and it gets the extra's out of the house and into his belly!

My boyfrined is completely unsupportive of my diet and believes that (because i have more motivation and work ethic then him) I'll become skinny and he'll lose me to some hunky ripped guy...and he thinks if i lose weight he has to too...just to keep me around.

I had to sit him and down and tell him that this is a life changing thing im doing and he either needs to be supportive or he needs to back off.....

my husband is a chef. He once told me pasta was low in calories as he reduced whipping cream for the sauce. he got over it. And I know I just have to have tiny portions when he cooks. I don't always do it. But I know that I should.

I'd just throw out half the lunch he packs as soon as you get to work. It's no more of a waste of food to throw it out as it is to eat it when you don't need it. Or maybe find a friend at work who doesn't want to pack a lunch and split it with them.

My husband is, or was, same way! One day I just asked him to pack half the amount of food because I wanted to take fruit or veggies to go with it. Easy enough and I still get to have some of the delicious stuff he cooks. Freezing is great too, easy for lazy days!

I think just reaffirming that you love him, you love that he's passionate about cooking and wants to do it, but you need your own freedom. Women can't eat the same as men, they naturally gain weight easier than men do. So it's unfair to you to expect you to eat monster portions! Just be clear about your goals, your happiness and your boundaries. You've stepped into a whole new area of your relationship, there were going to be some bumps in the road! I think you need to get used to each other and communicate a lot to make sure you both remain happy. Let him talk about why he wants to cook you massive portions even when you've told him not to, why he wants to drive you to work etc. Because we can sit here and say "that's not cool!" he probably has his reasons too.

Good luck, congrats on your weight loss, you look amazing =)

I know he's frustrating your weight loss attempt, but you gotta cut the guy some slack.. he's an excellent cook and he cooks for you!

Playfulness aside, I've had the same issue with my guy. He grew up in a southern cooking environment. My suggestion to you is simple: help prepare/cook the food! If you're in the kitchen helping, you may be able to sneak some of the calories out. I do it all the time with butter and sugar. Plus, you can remind him that whatever he is adding is too much/too caloric.

Another thing that others have emphasized is portion control. It's SO tempting to keep eating large amounts of delicious food.. which is why I make sure the food on my plate is A PATHETIC PORTION. I wait a little bit after eating to make sure I'm still hungry and then go back for another small portion. He can't argue that you both should be eating the same amounts and you shouldn't feel bad about "wasting" food (he's eating, you're eating, and leftovers are tasty).

I'm reading this thread and nodding my head (I'm not crazy hehe) because I wanted to start one just like it, but you guys have given me some really great advice (even though you werent talking specifically to me)...
Thanks everyone

Bless his heart! How about taking half of whatever he has made and using a salad to make up the rest of the meal?