I'm having a pity party.

The past year, while chugging along on my weightloss journey, "things" have felt "off". It was vague at first. I kind of acknowledged the physical symptoms, hair loss, sweating, heart racing...but I kept blowing off the nagging feeling of depression and the blahs. Also, I've felt in a fog.

These have come and gone, when I'm "down" its so damn debilitating. It keeps me from my running. I don't feel like moving off the couch. I don't feel like cleaning. It feels like I'm mentally depressed and physically lazy.

When I'm not totally drained, I still have awful mood swings. I started to think I was going crazy. And not day goes by that I didn't "yell" at myself for being so "lazy". Why won't I get off the f***ing couch! What the heck is wrong with me. I finally went to the docs and got it figured out.

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's and I'm waiting on labs for Graves and a few other little gems...Ugh! WTF? I'm just so upset! Its not fair. I love running. I have always been such an energetic person. Motivation has never been in short supply for me. Now I just laze around. I'm a slave to my moods (the doc thinks a swinging between hypO and hypER thyroid)


I'm so damn mad. You know why?? Because people can't SEE this problem, and its so hard to answer the question "If you want to go for a run, why don't you just go?" How do I explain it feels like I'm a zombie half the time, when I was the girl that could (figuratively) run circles around people? I have no interest in ah-hem** and DH is losing patience with that.

When I say I don't feel like carrying the laundry up stairs, it just sounds so lazy, but its more than that. Its like I'm a shell of who I used to be, physically and mentally. I've felt this way for about a year now, but I feel like my endo doc gave me "permission" to feel crappy by confirming I'm not just lazy, I actually have a disease going on. (And maybe more, I have to wait for the labs to come back)

Ok so this is just a pity party. Why me!? I just want to feel normal. I'm only 30 for crying out loud!! I feel like I've aged 60 years in one. I feel like an very old lady. And the weight has come off unusually easy (my doc thinks graves disease is going on as well) but eventually I will be hypo from the Hashi, and I'm scared to death of gaining the weight back.

Thanks to coming to my party! lol Help yourself to cake.

don't have much to add other than

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease at a young age too, and felt those same feelings you are. Hashimoto's isn't the same as Lupus, of course, but there is definite symptom overlap.

It's hard to first accept and learn how to care for yourself having a chronic illness like this, and second, to communicate how this illness affects you to your friends and family.

Have you read The Spoon Theory? “The Spoon Theory” at www.butyoudontlooksick.com/the_spoon_theory It helped me explain what I was going through--I just forwarded it on to my boyfriend, family and best friends. Even though it's about Lupus, it's very transferable to any chronic illness I think.

I know how you feel. I was diagnosed with Hashi's about a year ago, and after a bit of fiddling with the meds, I think I'm finally at a place where I'm not completely wiped all the time and sleeping 10 hours a night at least. I know what you mean about not wanting to carry the laundry up the stairs. It's not laziness, it's being bone-tired all the time. And the ahem-hem (or lack of it) was a problem for me too.

The good news is, you found out what is wrong and there's something you can do about it! Yay! While it took me a while to get the right dosages on stuff, it only took a few weeks for me to feel a lot better. I can wear flip flops again!! Before, when I was hypo, my feet were so cold they hurt all the time unless I wore thick socks and lace-up shoes. But more than that, I am not nearly so depressed and sluggish.

And as an aside- what an amazing weight loss! You are truly an inspiration- especially going through as much physical stuff as you have been. You're a survivor, girl!!

Also hugs! You'll get it straightened out, kudos on that major weight loss. That in and of itself can affect how you feel as well for awhile.

Hang in there, keep working at it all!

Hugs to you. Your post sounds, to me, like you're handling the news well.

I was Rxd as hypothyroid when my daughter was about 6, making me 34. I was later told I was likely diabetic during the end of my pregnancy, when they don't test you. I've been diabetic II since I'm 40.

Anyhow, not to make the post about "me" - but sympathizing/empathizing with you. Been there, done that, and still live life. Your docs will figure it out, you'll get your hormones in order, you'll adjust and you'll be ok. I can feel it in your post that you have a comical wit and you'll deal just fine.

Tight hugs to you. Donna

P.S. When you "don't feel like it tonight honey" - tell him that he can do all the work, and you'll oblige. You know sometimes they like to play lazy man--that goes both ways!

I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's in May 2008. It took them about 6 months to find the right dosing of medication, but after that my dose/TSH (thyroid Stimulant Hormone) levels have been pretty stable. Depression in particular is a common symptom. As is some lethargy, but the right dosing it makes a biiiig difference.

Glamour Girl
You have every right to feel down, but always remember things can be worse. I was given a Hashimoto's diagnosis just a few weeks before they removed my thyroid because of cancer. My surgeon told me that I had had it for a very long time and that it probibly caused the cancer. Be thankful your doctor looked beyond your tsh. Once you get your meds right you will be so suprised at how much better you feel. I have never missed my thyroid, but wish it had been diagnosed earlier so I wouldn't have had to have surgery.
Just remember you are the only one who knows how you feel, and when you need to take a break so take care of yourself and don't try to tough it out.

My brother has Hashimoto's and the thyroid pills helped him tremendously.. it sucks to need a daily pill but you will feel much better!

Hang in there. I'm hypothyroid and I know exactly what you mean about the sleepathons and energy slumps. I can tell if my pill gets off.

Hopefully once you are on the right dose you will feel better. It was like night and day for me!

GL!
A.

I was just diagnosed with Hashi three months ago. Just went to my endo last week for a followup. My medicine was upped to .50 mcg from .025 mcg. I really felt good and was disappointed that it was increased. Now I'm feeling more tired, sensitive to the cold (feet/hands cold a lot more). I had been drinking milk with my breaskfast when I found out that I should not be having calcium (as well as iron, antiacid) until four hours after my dose. That may be why my test came back lower b/c the calcium inhibits the absorption of the thyroid meds. We will have to just hang in there and exercise when we can even if its 15 minutes at a time. Some exercise is better than none.
Yvettew

Glamour Girl, I was recently dx with Hashimotos--a few days ago. I felt like I was losing my mind...I have a family history of women losing their mind--the one who had the answers just disappeared. That was my grandmother. Well, the women on my mom's side are kind of up and down and sometimes outright scary people, I was worried when I STARTED TO ACT like them. I knew something wasn't right. Depressed. TIRED. MOoDY. Gaining weight INCHES--looking like marshmallow puff instead of toned like I normally am-- Omg, I thought I was having a flipping break down. I was. Your thyroid can really mess you up. I AM SO glad my TSH was "slightly" elevated @ 4.7. I was a wreck and that lab result really didn't match my symptoms, but it was a start. I finally went for the antibodies test--229 not particularly high but I'm a sensitive girl to body changes. I still have up and down days, but I figure it comes with the territory while I am adjusting.

I WISH I was your weight while diagnosed. I know I could REALLY watch myself and NOT GAIN. however, I am at the opposite end of the spectrum. Since weight refuses to drop at any significant rate, I am focusing on reshaping my doughy body, and then I will see if more weight can be lost.

Yvette,

Sometimes on a low dose like that you are on, the body can seriously cut back on for stop production of its own thyroid hormones, causing you to feel like crap and rely totally on the medication. You feel great for a while and then the effect of the medication diminishes and the symptoms come back. Especially with Hashimoto's, as the thyroid sputters to life and then slowly dies off. You might need more med. Are they checking your free T3 and free T4 along with your TSH?

jendiet - I totally agree with you. I would fight with every fiber of my being to not gain one pound as it is very, very, hard (not impossible) to remove fat when hypothyroid.

I can definitely sympathize with the depression, lethargy, mental fog, freezing cold hands and feet, lack of all motivation...it sucks! I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in Nov. 2010, not definitively Hashimoto's as far as I can tell, they just figured it was autoimmune and left it at that I guess. After about a year of increasing doses of levo I finally had a normal TSH, but at my 6 month recheck it was slightly low. The nurse from my Dr.'s office called saying they wanted to lower my dose, but I have been feeling better on this dose, so I asked for a full panel. I'm kind of surprised my Dr. hasn't ordered one by now, she doesn't really seem to have much of a clue when it comes to this particular issue. Anyway, hoping the new labs have some useful info. I've definitely noticed my renewed efforts at losing weight are not moving at all, but I sort of went off the deep end and regained about 40 lbs during that sluggish time when it was all I could do to stay in school and maintain personal hygiene. Here's to hoping my body gets with the program again someday.

How can I resist a pity party? Especially if you're serving cake.

I have had chronic daily migraines for the past 5 years (have gone to every doctor and tried every avenue from conventional to holistic). There are time when I break down and simply can't deal. People who suffer from migraines have one of the highest suicide rates and I get it...although I would never. I also have a son with special needs. I have chosen to look at things from a place of gratitude. I mediate and just feel grateful that it's me who is suffering rather than someone else I love. I do have times when I break down and feel sorry for myself but mostly, I'm happy despite the pain.

I raise my kids as well as I can and I do a decent job as a wife but I know there are people out there who don't understand this invisible disease. I try to explain it to people and some have had the guts to tell me that they don't believe me! I have offered to show them my abnormal MRI (which depicts bright spots all over, especially on the side where I have the most pain).

Just hang in there...it's not the life we signed up for, but it's a life worth living and things DO get better!