So, in July, a group of 6 friends decides to run a 5K in November. We all decided we would be in it together and support everyone in the race.

(I am one of the two biggest girls, I used to be the biggest, but am not anymore since training.) I have been working my butt off for this. I have lost over 20 lbs training for it. I have run in heat and rain and wind and misery for 5 months. The other girl just told me yesterday, she has not trained at all. (Hence, that is how she is now the biggest).

I really wanted to finish this in less than an hour and have managed to get down to 51 minutes. This is a major lifetime goal for me.

My husband says we will just need to leave her behind, it is her own fault, but I feel like it will hurt her feelings and make her more depressed for being fat and left behind. I know if it were me, I would be devastated to be left behind. But, she didn't even try to get in shape.

I need some insight from people who can see both sides of the coin, please.

Should I leave and complete my goal, or wait for her, so we can finish together?

Everyone runs at different paces and at different times, so I wouldn't wait for her. I did a crazy 4+ mile run with an obstacle course a few weeks ago and my friends and I agreed not to wait for each other. If someone has a good pace going on, it makes no sense to stop and wait for someone else. Just tell her up front that you're going to stick with your own pace and that you are not going to wait for anyone.

I say stick to your own pace, as well. If you finish well ahead of her, you can always backtrack & walk with her to motivate her (in a NON-DEMEANING WAY! ) to cross the finish line!

Complete your goal. It's called a 5k "race."

That's a tough one! How are the other friends in your group going to handle it? Maybe there are others who haven't been training and are able to go at a slower pace while you go ahead (bigger doesn't mean slower, you know!). You could always bring it up for discussion with her and see how she feels; you're assuming she'd be upset, but maybe she'll just be happy for you to obtain your goals and see you as an inspiration that can spur her on to train regularly.

If you are very concerned about leaving her behind and hurting her feelings, then you could always run the course (or another) at an earlier or later time. I had set my goal of running a 5K by Thanksgiving, but I ended up ahead of schedule, looked up the race route, and ran it with two of my boys last month. I didn't feel the need to race against other people; this was a very personal accomplishment, and it sounds that way for you too.

Good luck in coming to a decision and happy running!

i say run at your pace. you've been training and this is the time that it will pay off. if she hasn't trained at all, she might end up walking it completely, which it will be obvious that she will be behind everyone else

I say run the race at your own pace. I find it difficult to run a race slower than my natural pace. You have not had anybody holding your hand while you were out in the cold, wet or heat. Like stated above, run the race then double back and give her encouragement. But I say it all comes back to this simple truth...personal responsibility. You have done what you had to do to be prepared. So enjoy it!

i regularly sign up for races with friends. None of us run together unless someone is pacing someone to help them meet a goal.

We do hang out before the race starts, we wait for each other at the end and celebrate afterward.

The nice thing about running is that it is about finishing and doing your best. You compare yourself to you!

The exception to this has been when we have signed up for a 'fun' race like a chocolate or a wine run. Then we run the pace of the slowest person (usually mine), stop and partake in the chocolate or wine. But then it is clear to all that we are not running to try and meet a goal, it is a social occasion. Even then, some of my friends will find the pace too slow and take off and meet us at the finish line...

You said there were 6 of you. What are the other 4 doing? I think it's either 6 together or each person runs their own race.

You earned the right to finish this race as quickly as possible if that's what you want to do. I think your husband is correct. When you say "we will have to leave her behind" I assume you mean you and the other 4 girls. That implies that the 5 of you will run at the same pace and I don't think that will happen. I think everyone will settle into their best pace and do the best they can. So unless all of you are willing to be held back by any one other member of the group, #6 doesn't have the right to ask all of you to run at her pace. Participating in a 5K together doesn't mean you all have to cross the finish line at exactly the same time.

I vote for everyone running their own best race. Maybe this will shake things up and get her to see the light. If it does - GREAT. If it doesn't, it isn't your problem. Just offer support, but do what's best for you.

Lin

I have to agree with everyone else. Run your best and then if you have time and it is allowed you can go back and finish with her.

I meant to add this to my original comment.

I hate to run. I have to assume that going to the gym this past year has made me stronger and more fit so that if I'm in a situation where running (out of necessity) is needed, I can do it. What I really assume, though, is that I'm better able to fight my way out! LOL.

So I really admire anyone who runs because they want to! And who specifically trains to run. At anything more than the weight I am now, I don't think I would even have considered participating in a 5K. I did in October with a group from my gym (I walked the whole way and finished in about 52 minutes) and only the "walkers" kept together. Actually, we had several runners who finished at all different times. I walked with someone and we finished as the fastest of the walkers in our group. The rest of the walkers came in at their own pace - one just a short distance behind me, a couple sort of lumped together, and one quite a way back. We all waited at the finish line and cheered each other on, even the first of the runners who finished in about 30 minutes.

All that said, I want to congratulate you, Cathi, on working so hard to train for this race. It really is a big accomplishment. For just that reason, you should do your best. I'm sure your friend will understand. When you all agreed to do this, I'm sure there was the implied agreement, too, that you'd all work toward doing it well. She failed in that respect, so it's time to face the music. Please let us know how this all turns out.

Lin

We ran our race yesterday. It was a phenomenal success. I don't know why I was ever worried. lol

We all came with our own goals and everyone achieved them. I had a goal of 45 minutes and finished in 43.

My friend who did not train, came with the idea that it would not be that hard, but learned quickly that it was VERY hard. After feeling sorry for herself to be left behind, she rallied and finished the race. I was very proud of everyone who finished. Was an emotional day for me.

I knew I could do this completely on my own, but oh, I can't tell you how good it felt to have so many friends and family be there at the finish for me.

I am going to enter 1 every month, just so I can continue having something to work out for. I was already telling myself I could take a week off, but quickly signed up for one on Thanksgiving, so I could not.

Thank you all so much for your advice. It was exactly correct.

Thanks for letting us know how things went. I'm glad you all ran your own race and that your friend saw what was really involved. Isn't it funny how we worry about things that never play out the way we expected? I'm very proud of you for making a goal of 1 per month. You should keep this thread updated with each new results. Great job in beating your goal time.

Lin

Woohooo Congratulations on beating your goal time!!!!!! Also fantastic your friend finished the race, maybe she will train for the next one

Agreed! You have busted your a$$ for this, why should you be punished for her lack of preparation?