I started my journey on January 3rd. Between January and August there was not ONE DAY that I was sad or depressed or anxious about "dieting' and working out. I loved every single day! A big motivator for me was my 20th HS reunion in mid-August. After it was over a switch in my mind flipped to "off" and I began to eat bad again. Carbs galore! I ate bags of chips for dinner, soft pretzels, pizza, etc. Then I went on vacation mid-September and ate even worse. I put on a skirt Wednesday that fit when I bought it a month ago and I was barely able to scoot it up over my hips and thighs. I got on the scale and I gained 10 pounds!!

I made the decision that morning that I needed to detox from carbs and sugar. I decided to follow Atkins for a month and then work carbs back in at a reasonable pace. It's all or nothing for me.

But I'm freaking MISERABLE! I'm mad at myself for slacking off. I'm mad at myself for not knowing how to maintain. I'm mad at myself for allowing "happy foods" back into my life in excess. I'm mad at myself for telling myself for 2 weeks, "I'll start tomorrow" and it never happening.

I'm depressed that I am not so gung-ho this time around and not sure why. I am depressed that my ticker has double digits again for how much I need to lose before reaching goal. I remember the day it went from 10 to 9. How did I allow this to happen again?

Just venting. I hope my mood is only because of the detox and mourning the loss of my soft, salty pretzels.

Blah.

I think you should be proud of yourself for getting on the scale, seeing the number and getting right back to a healthier way of eating.

You're already aware that this whole journey is filled with up and downs, and decisions of all kinds. Right now you're feeling a bit down, but it will pass. And in a couple weeks you will be so relieved to be back to your healthier ways.

We have to be our own best supporters because not many will be so nice to us. I understand how frustrating it is to go back to old habits and see a gain. I know what you mean by binging on junk food and carbs. I allow myself that and then I feel guilty too. It is like a vicious cycle at times.

But..don't beat yourself up because that will not help you. Try to focus on the positives. You have lost so much already and congrats on that!! You should be proud. One day at a time. Hugs!

It's the detox talking and you WILL feel better in a couple of days when it's out of your system.

Things that helped me during my plan's version of Induction were taking good vitamins (plus extra potassium and magnesium) and drinking hot tea with a splash of milk and a lot of sweetener.

And huge kudos to you for stopping this now and turning things around - I gained back about 35 of the 42 lbs I had lost last year before I was able to do that. Gaining back 10 isn't wonderful but is sure beats gaining back more!

And it's getting your head back in the game... that's the hardest part of all of this. But you know you can do it because you've done it before.

I know that you feel mad and disappointed at yourself, but something that was a game changer for me and my all or nothing feelings said this (kaplods): even maintaining a loss of any sort is still a loss, still a success. We all fall down, and the success is getting back up again for another round. I know you didn't want this to happen, but the 10 pounds you put on isn't the whole thing so you are still a success. Life isn't all or nothing and neither is your dieting. You are an inspiration, and I hope you won't be too hard on yourself. Trying to be perfect and inevitably being imperfect led me to quit in the past; it's knowing that a few times I am going to mess up but that it's not going to get me down that keeps me going. I'll be thinking of you!!

It sounds like you "enjoyed the chase" of getting to a goal by the time the reunion came around. Task completed? Perhaps. The only problem for us "repeat offenders" is we can tell you 20 different plans for losing weight--but we haven't figured out the maintenance part.

No one really enjoys the diet process...but having goals makes it into more of a challenging game than a boring old diet. Perhaps psychologically your goal was met and a part of you said "yay, I'm done." But the reality is, this is forever...maintenance is forever.

I have a boatload of crochet/knitting books/patterns. Many of them are vintage. Many are hard to find. I found them. Some of the best fun I had was the hunt and capture of those books because I had a challenge. You need to give yourself a new target challenge.

I hear you, but it seems to me as if you are still stuck in an "all or nothing" mentality. You are filled with self-disgust and you're "punishing" yourself by putting yourself on a plan where you can't have ANY carbs and may lose weight fast.

I have felt as you feel many times in my life. The only thing that has helped me feel differently this time around is focusing on behaviors rather than weight loss. Make a list of things are are and are not willing to do for life. Here's an example of part of my list (prior to making a committment to change my behaviors in June):

Do you want to get up at 5 a.m. every morning to fit in a workout at the gym or to go for a long walk/run? No---so that's crossed off the list. I'm not even going to start it if I cannot continue it.

Are you willing to do some sort of activity for about an hour a day ---e.g., vigorous housecleaning, raking the yard, etc.? Yes!

Are you willing to log calories into your smartphone forever if necessary? Yes---Although it can be tedious at times, I am not a good estimator, and this will be my crutch because of that. It's a small sacrifice, though, compared to eating with abandon.

Are you willing to do some strength training every week? Yes---but only light training. No formal stuff on a routine basis.

Are you willing to cut drastically down on carbs for most of your eating? No

Are you willing to cut out sweets completely or at least only eat them once or twice a week? No

. . . and so on.

My point is that I will only commit to what I'm willing to do now. Let the weight fall where it may (and I've dropped two pants sizes, so my behaviors are paying off).

Try to get out of the all-or-nothing thinking. It doesn't transfer to maintenance well (I know!).

I have a lot of experience restarting. Sometimes I'm pretty upbeat ("I can rock this thing!"). But more often I am mad ("This s*cks !") and guilty ("How did I let myself regain X pounds?") and depressed ("Why do I have to miss out?").

I think I usually have a better attitude when I try something a little different. I am interested in seeing if things will be a little easier or if the outcome will be a little better that way. So, though I was almost always a CCer, fiddling with my carb levels, type/amount of exercise, dabbling with IF, etc has helped my attitude. And this way I do find new tools to throw in my toolbox.

It's tough no matter how you do it, but the toughest part is getting back up, dusting yourself off, and getting started again. And if you can do that, you will be successful!

*hugs* I feel ya, I gained back 15 lbs when I moved to another state,and I've barely lose 5 of them so far and it's been almost 4 months since I moved here!

I understand the frustration but it's good you stopped and took charge now rather than later- those 10 lbs will come off and then some You and I can do this

I completely agree with this /\/\/\/\/\/\

I am a very goal-oriented person. Without a goal I feel like a fish out of water. After I lost my weight, I had to find another goal that would be just as much of a challenge and just as much "fun". So, I am training for a marathon. I am not saying you need to do that, but find another challenge that will give you the same feeling that losing the weight did the first time around.

I hadn't seen your posts for a while, so I'm really glad to see you back around more. I always wonder when people stop posting if they've given up or something? I have to ask you also....when you said you were eating bags of chips for dinner...where did the chips come from? You must have had to go to the store and get them right? Don't allow that stuff into your home. I am exactly the same way. If it's in my house, I will not stop eating until it's gone. However, I would never go out and buy chips if I were wanting some. I know that you know all of these "rules", so these are just little boosts and reminders.

I'm proud of you for weighing before it was too late....now go after it and figure out maintenance...you can DO THIS!!

Thank you everyone for your support! I really needed it lately and I regret not having come back sooner to ask for help. I am notorious for sticking my head in the sand! I snapped out of it and remembered that denial is what made me 194 pounds in my darkest of days.

I think the withdrawal of carbs and sugar drove me over the edge but my outcome is more positive. I feel back in control and I am remembering how awesome that feeling is! Just say NO to the dough. No chips, no soft pretzels, no donuts, no cake!

I have a little convenience store right around the corner from me. It apparently takes me longer to talk myself out of a craving then it does to get in my car and make a 2 minute drive to buy these bags of chips. And once they are purchased I almost go into a food coma. It's like a chemical in my brain is released and I devour them. I won't even stop to answer the phone or return a text message until the bag is empty. I mindlessly eat. I binge.

I did go into my favorite coffee place last night were they make these soft pretzels that I can't resist (they sit by the register too!) and I did NOT buy one! I got my coffee and a string cheese and headed home.

One bite at a time, right?

Thanks again all! Glad to be back!

Shan, great job really. I have many times gone into my favorite little place and gotten something bad. I live on the mexican border for the time being and all the stores, they have items home made that are delicious and exciting culinary creations. The latest, cake on a stick, a ball of red velvet cake covered in thick icing and sprinkles. Last time I was there, I got one, I couldn't resist-though I did share it with my sister. The point is, you did great not getting your fav. treat. Hugs!