Hi Everyone

I haven't been able to post here as much as I'd like due to my hectic schedule with work, school, and my kiddos. These past 3 weeks have been really stressful and to the point where I haven't been tracking. I've also been binge eating due to feeling overwhelmed, I used food to self medicate every single day. Last night after class, I went to Dunkin Donuts, got 2 donuts, and a ham & swiss flatbread. From there I proceeded to McDonalds where I ordered a 10 piece nugget meal. It didn't stop there... After returning home I grabbed random things and sat here eating. I had even worked out yesterday morning and for what?

Last night I decided to drop out of the Paramedic Program, it's become too much to try and go to school, work, and take care of 3 kiddos. Eventually I'd like to go back to school but now is not my time. I'm content working as a Basic EMT right now and happy that I have a job. I hadn't planned on being a Paramedic long anyhow, it was just a step to Nursing. I started gaining weight back and that's when I knew something had to change, unfortunately it had to be school. I'm not about to gain back every single pound I lost just because life becomes increasingly difficult. The other thing that happened (and I apologize if this is too deep for anyone) was having thoughts of taking my own life last week. I felt I had to be Superwoman and show everyone I could handle the stress of school, work, and kids but in the end it backfired.

Today is a new day and I'm going to get back on track as best I can and not worry about these past few weeks. I haven't gained a LOT back, I'm still at 100lbs lost but I'm not content where I am. I have to continue on this journey I started almost 2 years ago.

I think it's good you recognize something has to give, and it was your diet before, so school is probably the best thing to give. Keep going, you'll get where you want to be!

You may also want to see your doctor for a mild anti-depressant, you have a lot going on. And even a brief "thought" of taking your own life is a red-flag. Don't try to do everything yourself, ask for help and make sure you squeeze in "you" time. I know it takes extra "valued time", but write everything down, food, exercise & feelings. Take care and I hope the pressure lets up.

Hey there, Kim. You have recognized your life isn't working the way it currently is. I applaud you for this honest post and for taking a step to change it. Things are going to be better. I understand about your concern for regain. You are a different person now than when you used to eat that way. You got this.

You are truly inspirational and I applaud you for all of your effort. We all have binge days. Pick up the pieces and move on. Congratulations on the commercial too.

Also, I agree about seeing a doctor. Fish oil, sunshine and consistent exercise helps me more than meds. That being said, it is only when I consistently do it and it takes a couple of weeks for it to kick in. Perhaps for the interim, you should see about meds or therapy?

It is very important that you have recognized your limitations and made the changes. Everything will be ok. One step at a time. We are here for you.

*hugs*

I just read a new article about weight loss that might be applicable to your situation:

http://www.thelancet.com/journals/la.../fulltext#fig5

The gist is that the whole idea that we cut 3500 calories out of our diet and then consistently lose a pound is just wrong. For example, we buy into the notion that we cut 7000 calories a week (or add in more calorie burning through exercise and so we would lose 2 pounds a week). The article is saying that it doesn't really work that way, partly because you have to account for the fact that as you lighter your body burns fewer calories. The article has a link to a weight loss simulator:

http://bwsimulator.niddk.nih.gov/

Basically they way that if you want to lose X pounds - the typical advice you would see might say you would lose the X pounds in 1 year. However, in reality you would lose about 1/2 of X pounds in 1 year and it would take another 2 fulls years to lose the other 1/2 of X pounds.

I've noticed that I lose about .75 a week -- not the 1.5 to 2 pounds that theoretically I should use. Using the calculator above I see that to lose 1 pound a week average I would need to eat only 1232 calories a day. Well, I eat about that without eating any weekly points. But I do eat about 20 wp a week so that drops to the .75 pounds a week.

The point is that you have lost a lot of weight (great job!), but it isn't realistic to think you can still lose at that pace. You are at the end where weight loss can be very, very slow. The thing is that many at this stage give up. But I think that often happens because of having unrealistic expectations. The article is really interesting in talking about all this.

OP, I really respect that you were able to step back, evaluate, and make a choice that will be beneficial to you overall. It takes a lot to be able to do that. Lord knows 4 months ago, if I were in your shoes, I would have kept up the binge for a few days, until I was sick or had bad trots.

Re: the article, I haven't read it, but does it factor in any sort of increased activity level as you lose weight? I know that I have become much more active now than at 207. I may not burn as much when I do exercise, but I can go for 45 minutes of jogging now, whereas back then it was barely 10 before I thought I'd die. Plus, I am more likely to walk now, or take the stairs.

But, yeah, ditto what Koshka said about weight loss slowing down as you get closer to your goal weight. You should be proud of how far you've come!

BettyBooty the article (and the calculator) do discuss increased activity. Basically they point out that increased activity particularly works at higher weights and has less effect as weight is lost. They also point out that sometimes people compensate with the increased activity by eating more as they are more hungry so you have to watch that as well.

Life's a balancing act, and you're right... sometimes something has got to give. You made the right decision choosing your health as a priority. I know you've been struggling a bit by some of your posts, but really... you're living it. You've lost over 100 pounds and you're truly living it. You keep at it, things will balance out.

You should be proud of yourself. You recognized a problem and got a handle on it before it got out of control.
Thanks for the inspiration!

Thankyou so much for all the wonderful replies! I feel so guilty, almost like I let my kids and husband down. School is so important to me and I had waited until all 3 kiddos were in school full time before deciding to go back. I'm not getting any younger and I feel if I wait even longer, it's going to be too late. I'm proud of the accomplishments I've made this far, academically. I managed to make it through EMT-B even though it was rough and trying to obtain my license to practice was even worse! I don't mind working as a basic right now but being a Paramedic seemed so much more exciting AND the pay is a little better.

I definately needed to prioritize and unfortunately school was one of things that has to be put on hold. My weight started to creep back up due to binge eating under stress. I'm not about to gain everything back, I've put in too much time and effort to go back. Today starts a new week for me, I'm going to my weigh in this morning and starting fresh. Tracking faithfully and working out are going to be on the agenda this week.