Over the past 10 yrs or so I have been a serial dieter. Gain a bunch or weight go on a diet lose weight start cycle over.
My highest weight ever was 302 lbs in 2004. I joined La Weight Loss and dropped maybe 50 lb in 4 months ( cycle begins again) but I never was that heavy again. Add on 3 pregnancies in 3 years and Jan 2011 I'm 267 pounds. My knees hurt everyday, I was huffing and puffing trying to do the laundry and just had no desire to play with my babies. I decided that I had enough and I had to do something. At 37 with 2 children under 4 a family history of diabetes and high blood pressure. I want to live long enough to see grandchildren.
It's been a slow process this time. Calorie counting and exercise. In the beginning I was so out of shape all I could do was The Gazelle 30 mins 3 days a week and Leslie Sansone. Gradually I've been able to work for longer and do more challenging workouts. Adding cardio 5-6 days a week and strength training. I Feel GREAT! and look better as well. So far I've only lost 31 pounds since January but I'm happy with that.
The thing is my husband (who has been my best friend for almost 9yrs) has always been so supportive of me. Initially he was the only person who even knew I was trying to lose weight. Sometimes out of the blue he'll just stop and tell me how amazing I look.
Things started getting a little strange about 2 weeks ago but I didn't notice. I've wanted an exercise bike and found one on craigslist. Emailed the person selling it and gave him my husbands number to arrange pick up. This never happened. The seller kept emailing me telling me he left a VM on the # I gave him. But I figured my husband was busy and would call him back. Then a few days later Hurricane Irene blew through and totally messed up a lot of towns including the one where the guy selling the bike lived. So I ordered a cheap stationary bike from Amazon never considering that maybe my husband didn't pick the bike up on purpose.
So Tues my son starts Pre-K first time ever going to school. We drop him off take pictures the whole nine. We drove different cars because he was going straight to work afterwards. I was a little weepy and it was raining cats and dogs. On the way home (with my 2 yr old in the car) my husband calls my cell phone. I think it's important because he knows I don't have a handsfree device and It's raining and I have the baby in the car. I answer and he says "If you ever decide to divorce me you'll have no problem finding another guy because you look great." Needless to say I said some not so nice things to him.
So all week he's been kind of nasty and making snide comments.
Last night after my stationary bike was delivered he made the comment that if I had saved all of the money that I've spent on fitness equipment and DVD's I probably could've paid for my graduated courses (he KNOWS I stopped taking the courses because they required me to go out of state for 2 weeks for residency within the 1st yr and I can't do that)
Today he texts me from work and tells me that it seems that I'm putting a lot of importance on my appearance and that I'm turning into one of those people who values looks over everything else.
This is untrue and honestly other ppl tell me I look different but I don't really see it.
On a level I understand that he's feeling insecure. But I just feel hurt because I want him to be happy for me. If for no other reason than maybe I'll live a few years longer. I'll be 38 next month, my dad died at 40 from complications from diabetes and high blood pressure (i don't have either of those problems, but I could!)
I've really just been questioning everything about "us" today. Does he want me to be fat? Does he want me to stop working out?
Now I feel like I don't have him to talk to about this part of my life anymore When he was my 1 source of support.