Okay, I am a newbie on this site, so if I am posting to the wrong place, let me know!!!

I feel like for morbidly obese people (like me) when I start talking about losing a lot of weight (150+ lbs) that people always throw out bariatric surgery. I have two girlfriends who have done it, I guess with different levels of success. The one who had roux-en-Y surgery had a baby afterward (not immediately afterward, maybe 2-3 years after?), and the other with the adjustable lap band had health issues and had the saline removed, but now is ready to start inflating the balloon with saline again. I guess I just feel "critical" of the surgery options because while you can lose a lot of weight really quickly, I have never really seen people who keep that "low" weight (e.g. they lose 200 lbs in a year but gain back 75 the next).

On the other hand, I have an acquaintance who used to be big and she hit the gym and changed how she ate, and though she lost weight more slowly, she kept it off and is still very healthy! She is a regular at her gym and eats well. The difference I see in these methods is the "quick and dirty" method, where it's easy to fall back into the ways which may have contributed to the weight gain, and the "slow and steady" which means the dramatic result is slower but it seems it's easier to maintain in the long run.

I'm tired of failing, and I don't want to use the money on a bariatric surgery if paying for a gym membership would benefit me more.

Am I the only person who thinks like this? What are people's thoughts that have done surgery, or just focused on diet and exercise, or a combination of surgery and lifestyle change?

Thanks so much for your help.
Bianca

Welcome to 3FC =)

Your question reminds me of this thread: Surgery Vs. On My Own

And you might want to take a read through it as it has some very well thought out answers.

Let me clarify something briefly. Weight Loss Surgery isn't really "quick and dirty". The surgery is a tool that many people find they need in order to help them lose weight. They still have to do the dirty work themselves. They have to choose to follow the plan in order to take off the weight and keep it off. It's not something to be taken lightly ever. Anyone considering surgery needs to thoroughly examine the risks and possible benefits. All that being said, it's an option for a reason. Some people need it, and we even have a WLS area for those looking to ask questions or connect with others who've taken that path.

All of that understood, I knew (personally) that WLS would not be a choice for me. I knew that I did not need that tool. That I could lose (and have lost) weight on my own through gradual changes in diet and added activity.

Regardless of the method, if a person thinks that they are going to get surgery and be fixed forever... or if a person thinks they're going to go on a crash diet and lose the pounds forever... well they're both mistaken, and they both should've taken a closer look at what both of those options mean.

A person can definitely lose weight forever using surgery as a tool, but a person can also make permanent changes without surgery and lose just as much weight and keep it off. It's a personal decision.

You sound as though you're not interested in surgery. That's fine. There are plenty of women and men around who've lost weight without it. It's not such an unusual thing, and if you choose to stick around and chat with us over the forums you'll find you're not alone =)

Surgery is not a quick fix unless a person chooses to look at it that way (and then they are sorely mistaken). Just as eating better and exercising is not a quick fix unless a person is trying to crash diet (and then they are sorely harming themselves).

You choose what is the right path for you, we'll be here to help encourage and support.

Can it be done? Sure. I am doing it, My highest is 10 lbs under yours and I'm own 50 lbs in little over 6 mos. Do you need it to help? For each person that is different. Yes I have sen many opt for WLS as a "quick fix" The people who get it as a quick fix are usually the ones who gain it back meaning they don't want to do the work. However, those who use it as a tool to start usually learn to lose the rest and maintain that loss on their own. It all really depends on the persons frame of mind and how they see weight loss surgery is it a "fix" or a "tool" to them? That can make all the difference. You sound like you don't want WLS so don't get it, use the money on a gym membership, running shoes, workout clothes etc. Do what you feel will work for you best. Good luck!

I always used to read about the surgeries and watch programs on people who had done it because I thought I might be able to afford it at some point and would need it if I got too large.

I ended up starting an exercise routine and calorie counting, and for me the weight loss at the beginning was satisfying enough to forget about the surgery option. It's possible to lose weight quickly at the beginning when you have a lot to lose, without starving or doing anything unhealthy to achieve it. It slows down eventually, but by then you will already be reaping the benefits of your progress and will be motivated to continue. If you can take this route, I think it is best because you will learn the necessary healthy new habits and lifestyle you will want to continue for life. Changing your relationship with food can be done without surgery at any weight, and it's great that you seem committed to putting in the effort and not looking for what might be the quickest option.

Also, losing weight in a slower, more controlled fashion usually leads to better results with less loose skin and less muscle loss. I struggle a bit with the loose skin even having lost weight over a longer period of time, and imagine it would have been much worse if I had gone the surgery route and lost even quicker with more lean muscle loss (which slows the metabolism and makes weight regain much easier). You also make a good point about the cost, especially when it comes to potentially being tempted to spend a significant portion more on surgeries to remove skin and tighten your look if how you look after weight loss doesn't meet expectations.

I'm still in this process and want to emphasize that even though the number you need to lose seems large at the beginning, the benefits pile up long before you ever get near your goal. People will notice and comment WAY before you get near the final goal. The thought of the process being long is dismal at first, but it should get exciting pretty quickly. It's not easy for sure, but it's very rewarding and there's plenty of resources to keep you on path.

Good luck, and kudos for setting ambitious goals

Hi Bianca,

I think it's a complicated and extremely personal decision. In my opinion being here and asking these questions is a fantastic place to be. Gathering information and opinions makes it more likely that the choices you do make will be informed and good for you!

I believe people become fat for all different kinds of reasons. In my opinion part of whether surgery works in the long term is about healing the mental and emotional components as well as addressing the physical realities of eating less and moving more. For some folks they've got the stuff in their head all fixed and they just need a jump start to get some weight off and surgery to assist quick weight loss is a fantastic solution for them.

For me, the process of taking care of myself physically and being kind to myself mentally and building the kind of life I want through good choices is the most important part of what I'm doing. The weight loss is a byproduct, a result, but not my goal. So for me, surgery is not an option I would consider.

Whatever you do decide, I hope you find a place here to get the camaraderie and support to help you along the way.

Best wishes,
Snap

Welcome to 3fc!!! You've had some fantastic responses so far! And I think the posters have done an excellent job of capturing some of the nuances and difficulties we all face, no matter what choice we make to lose weight.

I'll just say that I'm another who lost over 120 pounds without surgery. There are lots of us! Yes, I have gained some weight back... but there are lots of us who have and haven't had surgery in a similar situation, so I know I'm not alone!

I have a BFF with a lapband. She is totally noncompliant, she vomits all the time, she has only lost about 60% of her weight (3 - 4 yrs out) and she is still FAT. She is unhappy but would rather remain noncompliant than change. WLS is not an easy fix.

I lost 295 lbs (and regained 35lb since) -- but when I started the process I said to myself "3 months, if you cant get it started by then you gotta go get a consultation for surgery" --

And it helped motivated me to get it done the old fashion way..

You don't need surgery to do it -- and frankly I dont think you should get it unless its a last choice personally because look at me.. I lost almost 300lbs but I've regained a little, why? Because I didn't fully correct my behavior. I also have two friends who have lost it and regained most of it with bypass -- You can do it --

You just have to have patience.

You just have to have patience

You just have to have patience

(My father used to say, you have to say it 3 times for someone to truly hear it)

I lost 91 lbs without surgery, but I'm not in the least critical of people who've chosen wls, because I don't know anyone who chose wls as their first choice, over diet and exercise. In fact, most insurances require you to have made and failed many attempts at weight loss.

I know it's a very tough decision, and most people who make it have done the research and are making the best choice for them. Just because it's not my choice, doesn't mean I have to criticize their choice.

I also know that most people who lose a lot of weight (not just people who lose it through wls) gain it back. You can't judge by just your friends (especially just a few of them). You need to know the actual statistics, and the actual statistics are that a higher percentage of wls keep off more weight than those who lose without wls. It's why insurance companies have started to pay for wls, because the results have been proven to be better (but that better may come at a cost. There are side effects of wls that can be lifelong problems, such as vitamin and mineral absorption problems).

If you judged just by the success rate, you might think everyone should have bypass wls. That's just as illogical as declaring that no one should have it.

You can only judge for yourself, and being critical of other people's choices doesn't help you with yours.

We can only judge for ourselves. Yes, I've lost 91 lbs, but it has taken 6 years. Six years of active effort, not six years of saying I was going to make changes and not following through. I've found that maintaining a weight loss is as hard, or harder than losing, and that's what I focused on this time - putting most of my effort into maintaining my loss and when I had extra energy I'd put it into losign 'just one more'.

You can't tell by looking, or even by results who is working hard, and who isn't. Who's head is in the right space and who isn't. I've had times in my life that I put everything I had into weight loss, and still didn't lose (or lost and gained repeatedly, up and down - always up and down, but never stable).

I've never met anyone who had wls who chose wls as a first choice. That wls is "the easy way" is a tremendous myth, and it isn't a "cure," it's just a part of life-long effort just like doing it without wls. Just like doing it with a support group and without one. They're all just tools on a life-long journey. And like everyone else, backsliding begins when you stop seeing it as life-long. Of the studies doen of morbidly obese patients, 95% of people doing it on their own gain all the weight back. In gastric bypass wls, the odds gaining it all back are somewhere around 30-40% (the rates are getting better, so it's hard to pinpoint the exact statistics).

That doesn't mean wls is for everyone, but it does mean we shouldn't judge others for their choices, because we don't know their struggles. Most of my life (since kindergarten) I've struggled so hard with weight loss, and only gotten fatter. I would gladly have chosen wls, if there had not been so many risks due to my health issues. Based on my experience, and my research, I decided wls wasn't for me - but it wasn't because I was critical of anyone else's choice.

People don't choose wls because they're lazy. They choose it because they believe (and largely have a great deal of evidence) that they can't do it any other way (or don't want to for a variety of reasons, some you may or may not think are legitimate - but their choice, not yours to make).

If I didn't have all the surgery risks that I do, I probably would have chosen surgery. Instead it's taken 6 years to lose 90 lbs of the 250 lbs I want to lose.

I don't at all feel superior (or inferior) to those who chose a different path, because if my situation were different, I might have taken a different path (I still might at some point be in a position in which wls could be the best choice). I spent 40 years trying and failing at weight loss. If wls had been available to me when I was young, active and in reasonably good health, maybe I never would have ended up where I am now - on disability with pain and mobility issues.

I didn't "not lose" for lack of trying, I just tried a lot of ways that didn't work, at least not in the long run. I dieted the way I saw everyone else doing it - and that was losing and regaining the same weight over and over.

Any way a person can break that cycle, even if it's wls - is often a good thing. Only a person and their doctor can decide if it's a reasonable choice. My doctor and I decided it wasn't (and if we ever change our minds, that's our business).

Weight loss is tough enough no matter how you do it, that we need to support each other, regardless of the specific tools we use to reach our goals (or as near as we can).

My friend changed medical insurance 3x before she got her band. THREE TIMES she had to jump through all the insurance hoops.... all to be totally non compliant. Too bad she can`t put that much effort into compliance. When I was staying with her for 4 months she took me to one of her fill appointments, so that I could be her food police at home. She begged me to do this. I spent more time researching lap-band compliance than she spent trying to be compliant. IF I ever had WLS it would be the DS not a lap-band so I did have to research.

She locks up the junk food so her kids don`t eat it.... I am serious her bedroom looks like a convenience store! There is more crap in her bedroom than my husband and I eat in 5 years, she goes shopping and over 50% of the food goes to her room, then she has the nerve to tell me they can`t afford healthy food. Now as her next easy fix she wants her loose skin removed, her loose skin is still full of fat. The plastic turned her down flat, and asked her how many times did she plan on having the fat flap surgery.

WLS is only a TOOL if you use it.

TY TY TY TY So much everyone! I don't really know many people who have set out to lose a great deal of weight, less than a handful of people. I know people who have set out to lose 5 or 10 lbs (I think everyone does) so I can't really compare myself to them. The only other friend I have to compare the weight loss on a larger scale (no pun intended LOL) is a guy who had extreme dedication: very restrictive diet and daily exercise plan. He lost the weight rapidly (not as rapidly as WLS) and from what I can tell has kept it off for the past 6 mo or so... I think he is still working on losing weight as well.

I guess I didn't feel like I could compare myself to him because I know that males and females lose weight differently. But then again, I probably shouldn't be comparing myself to others anyway.

I think I have realized in just reflecting in the past few days and months that I don't want to lose weight as much as I want to lose inches. When I weighed 205 at 5'6" less than 10 years ago, I was wearing 18s comfortably. Now at 330 (or more) and 5'9", I can barely wear 28s. (Lane Bryant has hit it on the head with having multiple 'styles' for different shapes, but they still have a ways to go.) I weighed about 180 when I was 16 at 5'3" and was healthier at 205 when I was 19...

When I was going to Curves 3x per week, I didn't change my diet or eating habits much but the exercising seemed to work immensely for me. I wish it would have been more rapid but I'm pretty sure if I'd changed my eating habits as well I would have lost it more rapidly. Also, when I was going to Curves I noticed that my weight didn't change much but the inches flew off.

I think the hardest thing for me is (and always will be) the food. I fast and binge eat, but I didn't realize what I was doing was "called something". I told my mom a few years back that I thought I had an eating disorder, and she laughed in my face and said "How? You're overweight!" So... yea. That is what it is. (Please don't demonize my mom, because I love her dearly. She just doesn't understand being overweight. She never has been, and she never will be.) Food is my best friend... or so I have fooled myself into thinking. I feel like I have a food addiction, but it's not like drugs or alcohol where you can live healthily when you completely remove them from your life.

Anyway, thank everyone SO MUCH for your input!!!! I am so glad I signed up for this forum. I always feel like I am alone in my weight struggles, but I am glad there is more than one person who is in the same spot in their weight loss struggles as I am.

Bianca -- Please feel free to join in on the discussions on the board!!!! You are most definitely NOT alone!

^^^^ This so much!

We might not all be living near each other or using the exact same methods, but we DO understand the struggles, and the victories (big and small), and we all lean a little bit on everyone here to keep going forward.

Join us on the threads!

I know it can be done. I just haven't been the one to do it yet. But my plan is to be the next one that does. I want to be the one that leads the pack in my family-- my mother, older brother, sister-in-law-- who are all extremely overweight. I was a decent size until I got pregnant at 20 years old. I'm 5'9 and fluctuated from a size 14 to 18, and why the heck didn't I appreciate being that size? Looking back-- I would kill to have that figure again. I gained 100 pounds with my first pregnancy-- bizarre because I truly had morning sickness all day long for 7 months. I still shake my head over that wondering how that happened, but it did. And since then never knocked that weight off and it slowly kept creeping up! So here I am. Again. Try try again.

Thanks everyone I don't even know where to start posting... I feel like I would just be "tardy to the party". I don't want to join in on a post that no one has replied to in a while. Does that make me weird?