I detailed more in my blog today, but it's interesting how a single food can trigger so much.

On Saturday I ate a single oreo. I very rarely grab a sweet nothing and I knew when I did it that it wasn't a great decision, but I also didn't beat myself up about it. A single cookie was not going to be a problem.

Later, I was tempted by another one and before taking a second, I looked up the calories as I track everything. How did I forget they were 75 calories PER cookie? Wow! I used to eat an entire package of these in one day. How many cookies are in a package? About 30. Regular oreos are 80 calories per cookie, so that's 2400 calories in JUST cookies.

Of course, that wouldn't be all I ate for the day. I often times needed something salty to offset the sweetness. So, besides the oreos I would eat Cheetos Cheese Puffs - the entire bag. So, that's about another 2000 calories. THEN, I would eat a big dinner with my family in the evening. So, on average, I was eating 5000 calories a day several times a week. And all that crap!!!

I couldn't ever stop at eating ONE oreo before - ever. In college my roommate would sometimes buy oreos. She would eat one a day. If she went away on weekends, I would eat them all and then would need to go and buy her a new package and eat down to where she was in the package to make it look untouched. Can you say trouble with food?

Yesterday, my family was eating ice cream. I made our ice cream. I had one tablespoon - just enough to give me a taste. That's all I needed or wanted. Years ago? I would sneak a carton of Ben and Jerry's ice cream and eat it in one day. Calories in that? 1080. In one tablespoon of my eggless ice cream? About 25. And it's enough. I don't 'need' the entire package.

Eating lower carb has definitely helped with not needing tons of carbs. I don't crave them as much, but I also got a better relationship with food over time.

I wish I knew exactly how I got over the emotional eating. I have no idea. It just slowly evolved. Then my eating became more of a "survive the day" need. I had a child who didn't sleep and to make it through the day, I needed lots of caffeine and lots of quick releasing carbs. Waking 5-7 times a night for 4 years is a doozy. As soon as I started sleeping? I didn't need the junk any more.

I keep reading over and over from people here that failures in weight loss can eventually lead to success and I'm beginning to understand that. My first weight loss journey was a starvation diet with heavy exercise. Lasted a month and I gained more than I lost. Second weight loss journey I was doing everything textbook, and weight watchers, but I was still emotionally eating and would sneak food for little treats a day after weigh in. I wasn't treating it as a life journey, but a temporary thing I had to do. I did a feeble attempt one other time and it was a "I just need to exercise, what I eat doesn't matter." And while I was getting fitter, I didn't lose any weight.

Along the way, I've learned to slow down my re-entry to exercise to prevent injury. I've learned that I can't just exercise, it needs to be diet too. I've learned that keeping myself open and honest about food is key - no hiding my snacking and being accountable for it, even on bad days. And I've learned that eating lower carb makes me feel better, not deprived.

Lastly, and more importantly, I'm learning this is a life journey, not a temporary state. So where before even eating a single oreo would have made me feel horrible, now I see it as, 'I ate one oreo. One oreo is not excessive, so it's OK. Just acknowledge I ate it and account for it and make good choices the rest of the day."

It's all about how I mentally treat eating an oreo.

I wish I understood food relationships too!

I've lost weight before, and in sensible ways. Really, not doing anything much different than I'm doing now, although I tended to go overboard on exercise and now I'm going underboard on exercise.

When I'm losing weight, I like you, can be satisfied with a taste, or at least a small serving, of a treat. As long as I make tasty food, I'm not unhappy to have lower calorie meals. It's just not that hard. When I'm not losing weight, I'm not satisfied with that, and I can't understand the difference. On my crappy-eating spree this weekend, it felt very much like my old attitude. I wanted to eat it, so I did. And probably the only thing that stopped me from eating more is the fact that I physically can't stomach too much any more. It's a scary feeling, mostly because I don't understand how the switch between the two happens.

Oh Zoodoo! You can read my mind, YES!!!!

I keep evaluating everything I do and my thoughts about it so I can learn from this. I've always known HOW to eat, so how come sometimes I just don't care? Like really truly say, "to buggers with it!" Why?

Why now is it so easy? Yet, I didn't even think to try for over a decade?

And will it switch again? It has in the past... is this time different? I think it is. But doesn't everyone think it is while they are on the journey?

So much a mystery.

Love it. Yes!

*looks up calories in bourbon biscuits*
*faints*

I became overweight for different reasons, but I can also look at biscuits and see where I went wrong. My body clock went crazy due to illness, I was sleeping and eating at chaotic hours, my hunger signals were odd, and I'd had a lifetime of eating what I fancied and remaining slim to make me think I knew what to do. I just lost track of what I was eating and got int a few bad habits, such as eating when I woke up peckish from a nap, or eating when I was exhausted in the hope that it would give me more energy. Because I'd never dieted, I wasn't thinking about calorie content. I saw a packet of biscuits and a half-punnet of strawberries as pretty much equal in terms of snacks. Obviously the strawberries were healthier, but it never occurred to me just how horrendously full of calories a packet of biscuits was, and how having one of them every now and then, probably only a few a year, really was enough to make a difference, on top of all the other little things I ended up doing. And this is how I ended up overweight despite eating what was generally a very healthy diet indeed. Being more mindful of nutrition is helping a great deal, and I'm hoping that maintenance won't be too difficult.