Well, here I am. I am not a blogger, poster, tweeter, etc...so this was a tough decision for me but I need help.

I used to be skinny, so skinny that my parents made me drink these awful nutrient drinks. It was all metabolism too, good lord I used to eat crap all day. On my 17th birthday, I ate a whole sheet cake...haha...I don't know why! I came home and there it was waiting for me (and the friends coming over later). I thought to myself, "it's my birthday, mom can't get mad if I have a piece early"...it was from a local baker that to this day makes GREAT cakes...One piece turned into two, then three and then by the time my mom got home....I had eaten the whole thing . It was so good! So at 17, eating like that daily, I was about 115lbs...basically the luckiest sweettooth in the world!

Fast forward to 27 (today), I don't weigh 115...and I haven't for a while now. I met my husband at about 130...married at about 170...today 193. I'm a different person. Not just size-wise. I'm unhappy, unhealthy, undesired. Yes, my husband loves me but maybe too much...maybe if he wasn't so sweet and loving, I would have noticed that I became a mess? But it's not his fault, it's my metabolism...It left me...I can't eat a whole cake anymore! But I still do. My body, my lifestyle, my fitness; they have all changed but I never changed the way I ate. Which brings me to the now. Unhappy. Honestly, more than unhappy....I haven't allowed my picture to be taken in years, I tear up when I look in the mirror, I hate myself. (I even made my husband edit our wedding pictures so I would look thinner...PATHETIC, I know). So I need change.

I've tried but I keep failing miserably! I've tried counting calories, but I would lie to myself. I used to run (actually used to want to run marathons, still do, if I could). I've tried the "slim4life" diet...got so pissed off on the second day because I hadn't had anything sweet in two days that I ate pizza and ice cream...I have NO WILLPOWER against sweets! and pills...ha, I've tried anything GNC will sell...nothing lets me eat crap and be skinny. So here I am, I can't promise anything other than I will try. I could really just use some support. I don't know how to eat healthy, I hate most healthy foods, and I'm an angry dieter (you think tequila makes people angry! try and take brownies away from me).

I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to hide from old highschool friends, I don't want to make up excuses not to wear a bikini.

So now what?

Welcome to the forum. Find an eating plan that you can stick to long term. There is a ton of information on many, many different diets on this site to help you decide which one to try. If one does not work, try another.
Make small changes at first. Stop buying the junk food to keep at home. Get some fresh fruit and healthier snacks. I have fallen in love with Kellogg's Chocolate Chip Fiber bars. They are 120 calories and when I am craving chocolate, they work for me. I would also to make sure you find an eating plan that allows you to have snacks that you enjoy once in a while.
I want to run too, there is a good program called C25k, google it and you will find information about it. It is for beginning runners and helps you develop a running program. I started a similar program but ended up with tendonitis in my knees and have had to take a break but as soon as they are better, I will be back at it.
Stick with it. It is not easy by easy means but is very doable. Hundreds of people prove it everyday on this forum.

Welcome to 3FC!

Support you want. Support you will find. And encouragement. And healthy ideas. And sometimes tough love.

First, know this. You can do this. No matter what happens, no matter how long it takes. You can do this.

Second, it's gonna take some experimenting to find out what works for you. Maybe it's calorie counting, maybe it's a specific program, maybe it's low carb, but at some point you will try something and it will click for you.

Third, do or do not. There is no try.

Fourth, never give up. If one thing doesn't work that doesn't mean you're a failure, it simply means that said thing didn't work.

I hear a lot of people say they hate healthy foods, but I'm not sure everyone realizes that most foods can be prepared in a healthier way. And even if there are foods that are higher in calories, that moderation is an option for keeping it healthier! Or at least not as bad as it would be.

Forget pills or anything like that. It all comes down to eating less, and moving more.

If you were lying to yourself about your intake, then it's time to start there.

From reading your post it appears that HONESTY and ACCOUNTABILITY are going to be the big spots for you. To lose weight you absolutely have to be HONEST with yourself about your intake and what you eat. You also sound like you might benefit from being ACCOUNTABLE to someone else. One spot or several on the forums for writing down your food intake, your weight, your exercise, and your efforts and mistakes. Ignoring them doesn't mean they didn't happen, that's just us being willfully ignorant. And the only place that gets us is up on the scale.

You might want to start with being completely honest about your intake. Not changing anything to start, but going a whole week and writing down everything you eat. Everything. Every bite. Every lick. Every taste. No judgement. Just acceptance of what your actual intake is. You need to practice being honest or no plan is going to work.

Best of wishes! I hope to see you around the boards.

My best advice is to talk to a nutritionist. I have extremely slow metabolism, and I've tried many diets/workout programs without results until I had very specific instructions for a controlled carb/balanced protein and fat diet. (I also have to work out a ton, but at least the diet part works for me now.) They can help you set up a plan just for you with your own life situation and everything. Good luck! You can do it!

I too feel the way you do. Hang in there. I got to a point where I was just sick and tired of being fat. I've gained 42 lbs since I met my husband & feel so undesirable, icky, yucky & just plain fat. My current clothes are not fitting very tight but I refuse to buy any more clothes until I seriously have some major weight loss going on. Anyway, you have to find the will power, you can do it. I too love sweets & fried foods but I've decided to love my body more. I just started my lifestyle change which is a cross between being a vegan/Mediterranean diet/The Daniel Fast. Yesterday was the 1 week mark that I quit drinking sodas, sweat tea, & in taking sugar. I've been eating sweet potatoes,bagels, grains that 100% whole wheat, fruits & vegetables. I've actually learned to enjoy these foods. I only drink water-1 gallon a day. So maybe small, gradual changes would best benefit you? Hang in there you can do this.

Oh my gosh you sound just like me!!! I used to be the skinniest girl at my school from 9th grade through college. I started getting to a healthy weight about 3 years ago... I started trying to diet then because at 5'10, 150 felt huge compared to 110-120. I met the love of my life, got pregnant, and proceeded to eat whatever I craved, and I was always hungry. I thought the weight would come off easily but wow I was wrong!! I weighed 240 when I was full-term and only 15 pounds went away when I gave birth to my 10 lb. Baby boy. Started doing hydroxycut, kinda counting calories, walking, but got discouraged easily and gained back the small amount I lost. Now I'm doing slim4life. Feeling better! I got an accurate scale, came face to face with my real weight, 220 lbs when I started!! And two weeks later, 10 lbs down, feeling like I'm in control and have the knowledge and skills to get to my goal.
It's not exactly easy... But I feel like it's Doable for me. Just being consistent and making a little progress everyday keeps me going.
I'm on the home program that can be purchased online.... Going to the clinic seems like extra errands that I don't have time for. You get an email counselor and everything arrives in the mail very promptly. I have also researched supplements similar to theirs that I can get for way less!!

Welcome, squishy! I have no advice to offer, as I'm new here too. But I'm glad you're here.

EdansMom....we sound really similar!!! AND I'm in KC too....interested in being my weightloss buddy?

Welcome, Squishy. You'll find lots of support here!

I'm not in KC, but I'm pretty close! Nice to see people from around the area.