Hello all

I'm sixteen and even though I'm not diagnosed with depression most of the time I am depressed, my mom even tell me that. Now all of it doesnt have to do with my weight issue but some of it does. I am around 300 pds now, and I'm tired of feelling like this. Ive always been heavy and since 6th grade I hardly talked to any1 b/c of my weight. Now that I'm in H.S. its even worse,the pressure is there.I feel like every1 is looking at me,pointing at me,cracking jokes, laughing at me.....
This paranoia has kept me from having much of a social life. I'm very quiet in school,but overall i am not like that at home is when i reveal my personality. I have a few friends here and there but none of them I am close to,but thats my fault and a different story. Because I dont have true friends I get sad,really sad. I beat myself over it all the time,i have no self -esteem especially in school.I dont go on school trips,i dont go to games,nothing of that sort. I feel lonely, I am lonely.I've ruined my H.S. years and I hate myself for that . When I get like this,sad, I just eat whatever b/c I just think "im suppose to be fat" "it doesnt matter anymore,im a loser". I know not to do this to myslef but i do,I want to lose weight but I have such a hard time doing it. But this year am truly going to work on it,I am making a promise to myself. I want this badly and I can do it,I need motivation and a push thats all.Losing weight would make me feel better about myself.Here I am just rambling,im sorry Ill stop now and thanx 4 those who read this.

-Lexi

Lexi,

Oh I remember high School. It was and sounds like it still is a popularity contest. One thing I can tell you Lexi, is that this is one of the hardest part of your life.. whether you are thin or fat. It's a tough tough time. I can promise you that once you get out of high school, all that baloney that you dealt with.. who was a cheerleader, had all the dates.. etc. won't amount to a hill of beans. I know all of this is taking a tremendous toll of your self esteem.

Have you had your Mom take you to your family doctor? If you haven't , that might be a good place to start. She/he can refer you to all sorts of programs. Your medical group might have a registered dietitian you can see, maybe even a support group for overweight kids. If you are really clinically depressed, your doctor can help you with that too. There are all sorts of weight loss programs out there. You and your Mom should both check out some of the forums on this board.. ask questions about the programs, visit the programs' web site, buy or check out the books from the library. When we get down and depressed , it is very easy to not care about ourselves or how we look. Even though we are big right now, we still can look nice. Make sure you fix your hair every day, put on makeup if you wear it, wear nice clean neat clothes, give yourself a manicure, pedicures, nice bubble baths.. all of these things will help you to feel "pretty" and will be a boost to your self esteem. I want you to think of some things you like about yourself. Do you have nice skin, pretty eyes, great nails.. nice hands? Everyone has something about themselves that is nice... I know it is hard sometimes to find it, but I want you to keep looking until you find it.

Good Luck, hon..let us know how you are doing


PS. I went back to my 10 year high school reuinion. Most of the skinny girls and the cheerleaders had all gotten big. By taking control of your health now, and learning about nutrition and exercise, you will be on up on them in the future.

Lexi,
I admire the fact you are willing to share how you feel with us! There are many people here who care about others.even people we havent even met! So keep sharing.it's an imporatnt step to you changing your own destiny!

No situation is ever hopeless..........so smile and have hope.........
you are taking steps in the right direction already!

Cin ( from Lex)

Lexi,

I was 300 lbs in high school too. They really didn't pick on me because I tried to stay out of sight, I didn't go to any functions or join any clubs, I was also very shy because of my weight and the more shy I got the heavier I got. I did not come out of my shell until I was in my 20's.

My advice to you is not to wait as long as I did. Like Linda said, take care of yourself now, makeup, hair, etc.... that makes you feel so wonderful. I know its hard to hold your head up when you walk but please try. When you smile the world smiles with you and not against you. Its so true.

Linda pretty much sumed it up, please don't let this ruin you, you are so worth it. Don't give up. We will be here for you if you need to chat, ask questions or if you feel like being silly with us. We are ALL in the same boat you are (just a little older....little I said )

Huggs, Leenie

Lexi let us know how you are doing. Liz

Thank you all for you replies i really didnt think any1 would reply so it touches my heart that you all did.

Linda-

I know people are immature at high school I guess thats why I am ready to leave. I will work harder in finding the "pretty" in me. I do like to get dolled up once in awhile and it does make me feel good,you're right.I am getting an appt. with an nutrionist and hoping to join a program where i work out and learn about nutrtion withother kids my age and who are overweight. Also when I get my license,if ever since im afraidof driving LoL,i plan on going to the gym after school. I would love to go to my reunion and show myself off,that would be great . I will promise to keep you updated!

CIN-
Thanx! I really want to lose the weight this time,there is a drive in me. I just hope I dont lose it like i usually do.I now i can do this!!

Leens-

I too am very shy in school or around people my age. I dont really stay out of clubs,i mean I am happy to be in the ones I am. Instead I keep away from being myself. Like I wont make a speech to be president or whatever of a certain club and I wont ask questions in class or saysomething I feel. I am afraid of being ridiculed(sp?) by every1 b/c 1. they do that to people and 2. b/c I think theyll think im stupid. I am always have the feeling of being judged by every1 and I cant stand it. I cant wait to go to college and make a new fresh start and bemyself b/c it really is too late i think in h.s.,it wouldnt feel right to me. I will try to openup more,b/c it isnt good for me i know that! I will try!I will make sure to post Q's and all that,it feels good to know you and others care.

Liz-

I promise to update and let you know how life is going for me. I have mid-terms this week ACK!!Studylike crazy this weekened!

Again thank u all SO MUCH,i am glad to know there are people like you outthere in this world. I love this support thing,it feels so good. And if you ever need to vent or anything I'm here for you. Thank u all!!

-Lexi

You are welcome....kep writing and keep us up to date!
Cin

Hi Lexi,

I have been away from the boards for most of the week, sorry I missed you when you first came in.

I too wanted to welcome you and commend you for taking the first step to a new and better you. Reaching out for help is one of the best ways I know of to start this journey of wellness and happiness. From what I read, you have the support of your family, the ernest desire to get healthy and are on your way to getting the "know how" from a professional...so I think a success story is in the making. We are all here to cheer you on!!!!

It too has been a real long time since I was in high school. I think I had it a much easier given the times and since I attended a private all girls school. But believe it or not...at 5'4" and 140/145 pounds I was considered heavy, I remember my gym teacher humiliating me in front of the class and that only made me want to move faster and jump higher. Heck by the time I graduated, I won the "President Physical Fitness award," of course that was way back when doing 50 sit ups was a lot!!!! But I Showed her!!!!

I had very, very low self esteem, but no one knew it and I wouldn't let anyone in on this secret. You see, I was a good talker let them think I was self assured and got involved in everything kept my marks up and was an elected officer. I think your attitude says a lot about who you are as well as your physical presence and that in itself demands respect. Let more people get to know "you" you'll find the ones that are worth knowing will see "you" and not the overweight body that you are hiding in. Believe it or not...they can help you on this jouney too. Like Linda said, find things you like about yourself and then take it further, apply it to school, after school etc...Take something you are interested in or are good in and go for it. This has a snowball effect. One good roll leads to another and before you know it, maybe without even realizing it, you will be achieving things you never thought were possible all because you decided to like yourself and more importantly, letting people KNOW that you like yourself !!!!

Ok...that was my long two cents...hope that you got my point and I wish you all the happiness you deserve. You are too young to miss out on anything...GO FOR IT, don't look back...you have so much to live for!!!!

Keep us informed!!

~~~~~~~~Meg

Dont be sorry! I'm glad you commented :0) Your words have made me feel better and I thank you for that!!! I will update!

Now...this is going to be interesting advice from someone who has been around a few years. Ask yourself why the opinions of others is so important. They are just other people just like you! What they think really isn't important in the realm of life! I learned that fact just about when I was your age and it helped me get through life. I was not only over weight but also handicapped---still am! I really don't give a hoot whether people like me or not. Their approval isn't going to win me a million dollars or a good relationship. Kiddo, learn to like yourself cause you are the only person who you will be living with the rest of your life. Lose weight for yourself. Pretty up for yourself.
I don't mean that you should be unkind or unfriendly to others. Just forget about them and be yourself. Remember..God made you and he don't make no junk!

I've never really thought of it that way Tippy,thank you. It's very insightful. "God made you and he dont make no junk!" I like that quote! thanks again!!!

-Lexi