Hi There,

I can't help but wonder if human kind, since the beginning of time, was this consumed by body image and how we look, how much we weigh, what size our waist is, etc. What would it be like to never have to think about yourself in a negative way. What if the mirror was never invented, would we be obsessing so much about our body image, how each person sees our physique.

I wish I could remove every bad thought about my fat, my body, my image, and put all those thoughts in a container and blow it up.

I know that my body is not a healthy machine, and I realize that without being mean to myself. Yes I could be in better shape, absolutley. If I never had to look at my body, I would feel more comfortable with it.

In my mind somewhere, there is this message being sent to me over and over and over again of how my body should look. And that message makes me feel inadequate, ugly, fat, disgusting, lazy. It doesn't matter how much I diet or how much I excercise, I have always had a pot belly (even when I was a young kid). I've always had gross inner thigh fat, even when I was a size 7. I have never had a round firm bumb, mine has always been wide and lumpy.

So I am here, to read what other people have to say weight loss, food, life themselves. I am looking to be inspired. I am looking to stop letting the fat rule my body, my mind, my sould and my life.

Hello there!

We're social creatures. We're wired to care about what others think of us, to be aware of how we're perceived. Having no mirrors wouldn't make a whit of difference because we'd still have mirror neurons that made us see ourselves in others wherever we looked. It's a fact as basic to human physiology and psychology as the desire to eat.

I think it's really telling that you put this the way you did: that the message is being sent to you. Who is sending it?

Are you seeing it in magazines and billboards? If so, make a conscious effort to look at other sources (fine art, for example, features a lot of decidedly robust women) and expand your range of what you consider beautiful. What we're told is beautiful is so narrow that even most actresses and models cannot fit it and must be Photoshopped into perfection.

Are you sending it to yourself? That's a tougher thing to deal with, but you can do it. Change the tape you play in your head. In your post, you describe "gross" inner thigh fat and refer to your butt as "wide and lumpy." I'll bet you'd never speak to someone else who told you these things about your body; why would you say them to yourself?

The world won't tell you you're beautiful on a daily basis; not even Salma Hayek and Christina Hendricks get to hear that daily. So start telling yourself. Change the inner monologue. Think of kinder words--"soft" inner thigh fat, a "cushiony" rear. You can work on weight loss, but as you noted yourself, you didn't feel great about your body at size 7 either, so more needs to change than just the outside if you want to feel at home in your skin.

Life is cruel and life is short. Why spend so much as another minute of it punishing yourself for something as innocuous as excess adipose tissue? Fat isn't a sin and it doesn't lower your intrinsic worth as a human being; it's just a physical characteristic, like having red hair or brown eyes. By all means lose it if it makes you happier to have it gone. Enjoy the greater comfort and activity and energy levels that come with having a leaner, healthier body.

But please don't punish yourself for having gained weight. It's much easier to love yourself to good health than it is to hate yourself thin.

beautifully worded, Nola. Thank you for that lovely reminder.

Nola - I love this quote!!!

"It's much easier to love yourself to good health than it is to hate yourself thin."

I think I am going to use it in my signature to remind me of that message!