So I gained weight from my pregnancy and the stress of raising a special needs child. Long sleepless nights and feverish days. I lost 30lbs after she turned a year old and then for the last year just been bouncing around trying to get into the groove again.

A few weeks ago I went to see a high risk OB and it might be too risky for me to have other children with going through a lot of procedures and such,or it might be a breeze, and since we have no way of knowing which way it could go we are not comfortable even trying given that we already have a lot on our plate with our baby. I always imagined life with more children for her sake as well as ours. She loves children, I have been thrown into such a deep depression that I feel like I will never be my normal self. Before anyone says I can adopt, I know I can but I am dealing with the loss of not having my own babies.

So now I am 165 even though I was 152 last sept. I feel like I will never get back into my old clothes prebaby from when I was 125. I just want to not have this weight thing as well as all the other stress I have.

I have been working out three days a week but my eating is out of control. Too many carbs. I don't know what I am writing this for maybe to just get it off my chest. Thanks for listening everyone .

Although I'm not adopted, I'm sure that everyone who was feels as though their parents were "my own parents" or who has adopted considers their babies "my own babies" as well.

I'm sorry that you've been hit with that bad news, though, and hope that the pain of it eases for you. It's a very difficult thing to come to terms with, especially when life has already thrown you a couple of turns that took you in directions you hadn't expected.

Congratulations on the weight loss you've already maintained! That's impressive, and it's more than a very many people who lose weight are able to manage. What method did you use to lose the weight before? Could it work again, or are you more comfortable just maintaining your weight for now? As a fellow shortie, I DO understand how much of a difference even ten pounds makes for how we feel and how our clothes fit; maybe you could cut out just a couple of things that you know aren't working toward weight loss for you and lose ten pounds in the next few months. Slow and steady via tiny steps sometimes feels a lot more manageable than "I must overhaul my whole life NOW."

I hope things ease up for you.

Im sorry that you are going through a tough time right now. Don't lose faith! You have done great so far and I know that you can do it again!

I feel for you, I have a lot on my plate to deal with also with my 2 children and their medical issues. I always thought if I was thin I would be able to deal with things better, just like you said. I always had a hard time committing because food was my escape, I lost the same weight numerous times. I have come to the realization finally that it is the process of losing weight that makes me feel better, not just having the weight off (although that helps too). Eating right, drinking water, exercising makes me feel so much better, more energy, better moods, etc. Not perfect, but better. I just try to keep reminding myself that I feel better if I am on plan. Maybe if you focus on that, the weight will start to come off again. You have a lot to deal with emotionally right now, you don't need all those carbs and such making you feel worse.
Another thought is going to talk to someone to help you sort out your feelings. Our emotions have a huge affect on our stress hormones, which make you hold weight, especially in the mid section. So sorting those feelings out may help you.
I hope that something I said helps you in some small way. My former priest who has since passed away always said, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans". So true. My life is certainly not how I imagined it to be, I would have had more kids, they would all be healthy, etc, but I can dwell on that and be sad for the rest of my life, or I can step up, deal with it and try to make it the best it can be. Never underestimate the strength of a woman! You've got it in you, you just have to find it!

Thanks ladies

jomatho Its nice to hear from someone who understands and is going through a similar situation. I Hope you are doing ok Iam going to try and just drink more water and then slowly cut out sweets. I think once I get that done I will be able to continue and get to where I need to be

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

You mentioned that your eating is out of control...have you thought about journaling your food so you can keep track of what you are eating and visually see it? It might help you cut back if you have to keep writing everything down. There have been times for me when I have gone to eat something, but then realized I have to go write it down, and I ended up saying "screw it" and didn't eat it...then, I realized I was actually just tired, but thought I was hungry. Just an idea.

I was in your shoes! I have a special needs child And they determined it was genetic. They could not test his father and I due to insurance not covering us so we were left it at 1 child despite everything in my heart aching. I have long since left my ex and was raising my son as a single mom and eventually ended up in a new relationship still unable to have kids because of a deep fear that it was me.

Fast forward and I ended up surprisingly pregnant. I was so terrified but now that I was pregnant they did the needed testing (I had no idea that would) and hip hip hurray for me it was my abusive ex's genes that created my son's issues. I spent so many years of guilt and blame issues watching my son struggle and of course I use food emotionally. I ballooned after my son was born and it just never ended. After having my second son it didn't exactly help. So here I am trying to loose it.

I can say most don't realize the amount of extra work and worry that goes with special needs kids. This adds pounds easily, not that it is my excuse haha. I know that it is so easy to slip into bad habits when stress is looming or you are tired from bad days. I wish I had an answer but I can say I was right there with you morning the loss of having children. It almost feels as if you lost children you already had. It can rip your heart out being told news like that. I often felt like screaming why not, don't I deserve it?? After all the work I lovingly do for my son you would deny me another child? To people that haven't been there they can easily say that's greedy and look at all the parents that can't even have one child. But until you have been there you can't understand. Then you go through a stage staring at horrid parents that did drugs and drank while pregnant and then neglect and worse abuse there kids and they get 5 perfect little angels. I've whined far to long but if you ever need it, I'm happy to chat.

I think it is the responsible thing to do not to have more kids if your genes will cause it to have problems. BUT from the moment sperm hits the egg the human life is priceless no matter the difficulties, so don't feel bad about your first kid, if that is what causes you to turn to food. You didn't know.

You are obviously responsible in not having more kids and you should applaud yourself for that!

My family has friends who had 3 kids with Down syndrome... yes three. And adopted one healthy child to be their kid's babysitter. I find that sick. They knew each of their kids had above 50% chance to have down syndrome and still did it. And if that wasn't enough, they enslaved a poor orphan to their whim. Making a long story short, the adopted kid refused to sacrifice his life for his three sisters and left the family when he became 20. I can't blame him honestly.

dog rescue mama You hit the nail right on the head! That is exactly how I feel and I am so mad that I can't control the stress right now which is on top of my "normal" stress. Bad days and nights are getting a bit more frequent with my DD and I am just falling apart and eating way too much. I am so happy you were able to have more children

chubbykins My DD has cerebral palsy due to medical negligence.

Sun, my heart really breaks for you and your child. I almost experienced the same thing (severe shoulder dystocia, was extremely fortunate to come out with him only suffering a severe collarbone fracture and other non-life threatening injuries) and I cannot imagine the pain you must endure from knowing it was medical negligence.

I'm not surprised you suffer from depression after such a terrible thing to happen. Have you seen the other forums here for dealing with weight loss and depression, as well as 'chicks in control'? Part of it is taking it day-by-day and not allowing you to literally EAT your emotions. Myself, after suffering postpartum depression from what happened to my son, I struggle a lot with this and am only on day 3 of not binging but coming here and staying accountable each day is what helps me get through it. It's so easy to say "F the world" and feel all is lost but you do have a lot to live for, even if it isn't what you thought it would be when you were young and dreaming of motherhood.

Good luck to you

Not all children with special needs are "born" with genetic conditions. Many children with cerebral palsy, erb's palsy, and other conditions are perfectly healthy in the womb, but due to various reasons (one being medical negligence, overmedication in labour, unnecessary labour interventions) can cause these conditions. My son was minutes away from cerebral palsy or death himself due to medical negligence at delivery, it has nothing to do with our genes.

sacha Thank you for your sweet words I am trying to deal with it but lately its just not happening. Maybe I will see someone about it. ugh.
Also thanks for writing that out about the different issues and their causes.

i'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I have 2 daughters with special needs and some mornings I feel like I haven't slept well in 14 yrs! The hardests lesson for me to learn was I really had to take care of myself to be able to take care of my family. Take back some of yourself and some control by making small changes. You can do this and your not alone!

scarlet Thank you. I am trying to make some changes exercising again and drinking more water. good luck on your journey too! What do your daughters have if you don't mind me asking?