I am thankful to be here today.

I've spent years periodically lurking in the shadows of this forum and a few other forums searching for weight loss inspiration.

I've read so many stories I could of sadness, frustration, and hopelessness and I saw myself in them.

I've wanted so much to join in your community but I was afraid. I was afraid of judgment because I've spent my entire life judging myself and thinking others are doing the same.

Last summer I told myself to start a weight loss blog. I purchased a domain name, and had an idea of what I wanted to say but I didn't do anything with it because I got scared.

See, fear is an overwhelming part of the reason I've held myself back from losing weight and my weight plus fear of judgment is the reason I'm not living the life I deserve.

Then something just clicked in my brain one day... maybe I was just tired of not living, not feeling worthy of dating, not being in touch with my femininity, of not feeling like I am enough... but I decided that really, enough is enough!

It's too painful.

Then a couple of weeks ago my great grandfather died at the age of 95. And death, for the first time in a really long time was staring me in the face. He deteriorated so quickly.

He had a car accident on New Years Eve, was fine. He was sick 6 days after the accident and dead 3 months later. It happened so rapidly.

Yet he lived his 95 years to the fullest! He was so full of life and feisty even at the end. While I sat, simply existing....

Existing is not good enough any more... I want to LIVE!

Part of living is letting go of fears. I started my personal weight loss blog and promised myself to shed the fear of forums - forums are so intimidating because you never really know where to begin or how to insert yourself into an already established community.

It's kinda like walking in on a conversation happening between lifelong friends and you're the new chick in the neighborhood.

This is getting kind of long now, so I'll move on with my stats:

Name: Tee
Height: 5'2
Current/Starting Weight: 362.4
Goal Weight: I don't know, I've always been a big person so I don't know what weight looks best on me. I know I want to weigh less than 300/200 pounds but for now lets say 352.4 it'll change again once I get there.

I plan to use a combination of personal development to root out the WHY part of my fear/weight/depression and just eating well and exercising.

I started a 30 days of gratitude challenge this month to list everything I'm thankful for every day to see if my attitude about myself, my weight change how I look at things.

I believe these things will help me be triumphant in my life transformation goals.

Thank you so much for reading and thank you for allowing me into this community.

I wish you luck and hope to be triumphant myself. I want to lost 40-45 lbs and I believe its hard to lost weight whether it being 10 or 100lbs. But the key thing is patience and consistency. Keep posting and I know you will be successful along the way.

This is a big place but full of very helpful people.

Welcome! This a great place full of kind, helpful people. You need help? - just ask!, you need encouragement?- just ask! you need a kick in the pants?- they will do that too! Every journey starts with the first step - and you have already done that!

Good luck with your goals! YOU can do it!!