It's been a long while since I have been on here, My boyfriend and I recently moved out on our own.. out of state too. We lived with my dad rent free and I barely had any bills. I just started a little job at an ice cream stand and since I have been here I have gained 10 lbs.. I am 179.6 right now.. of course it's getting close to TOM right now and I weighed myself after an entire days over eating.. but I have a lott to get off my chest besides the gain...

Last weekend the whole reason we moved here fell apart.. I am a fulltime musician.. I have been working for a few months with my first band and nothing had been coming together the way it was supposed to because my money situation was very shakey.. the money sitch finally became less of an issue and 2 days before my birthday...the band quits.. every last one. The next day I found the ice cream job and things started to kinda look up but I still felt pretty hazy for a few days.

This friday while at the laundromat I had a summer dress on because I figured it was one of those things I could just have back up in my closet rather than dirty something I needed for work. So I am standing in the landromat and this skinny girl walks in and makes this nasty face at me.. I HATE my legs sooo much.. I never show them and when I do it's all I can do to not immediately cover them up. I have thought about nothing but this since friday... It hit me hard because with the weight gain that everyone says isn't noticeable (though my pants say otherwise) plus my major insecurity with my legs just kinda came crashing down.. I have been an emotional train wreck, I feel like a failure in every direction and bottom line, that little bitty look that she probably didn't even think about once she walked out of the place has haunted me and made me think about my entire life's direction.. I need to figure out to pick up the pieces in everything.. I need to make myself happy..

I told my boyfriend all about how I felt and what I was thinking and he suggested I start getting on here again, I believe he was right because you ladies have all helped me get to where I am right now and I could definitely use a motivational boost to get me back on track.

Well thank you for reading my rant of the century..

I'm so sorry things have gone to pieces with the band. My boyfriend is a musician too and recently his band which has been his life for 2 years has gone to pieces, and he's pretty down about that. I'm not sure where you are, but since you have lots of experience and probably a lot of recorded material, you're probably at an advantage when it comes to finding a new band?

I completely understand how "regained" pounds and tiny incidents that make you feel self-conscious (like the laundromat b!tch) can completely shake up your self-perception and make you feel really uncomfortable even if no one else notices. I've also gained about 10 pounds since my lowest and I just feel like a mess all the time, with really helter-skelter motivation to do anything about it. I think and hope that the combination of warm weather and 3FC support will help us get back on track. Life may come crashing down but it feels much more manageable when you (not you specifically, "people" in general) aren't also feeling down about your weight.

Thanks so much I actually dont have anything recent.. I have years of experience on a much lower level so this is kinda hecktic and scary for me right now. I am sure your boyfriend will find another band, 2 years is definitely brownie points with most musicians. I do agree the warmer weather has all the joggers out which seems to make me want to do the same hopefully we will both get back into the grind with our goals. Your response made my day and I love the new nickname for the skinny girl a.k.a. laundromat b!tch

I'm so sorry that happened to you..Its always such a shame when these prissy little diva's come around and make their faces/give their looks. They think nothing of it..and they don't care if it hurts someone or not...but don't worry karma is a b!tch and they will get whats coming! LOL

You sound like a lovely person down on a hard time..but you'll get through it!! you have us here and support and love is always the ticket to a good mood!

WOW some people eh? I'm sorry that that happened to you! :-S

There's always going to be people who try to make others feel bad, or are just so ignorant that they don't even realize that what they are saying/doing is hurtful.

I know what you mean about the thighs...I am super insecure about my pear shape and I REFUSE to wear shorts or short skirts. I'll have to lose a LOT of weight before those babies shrink (the fat always comes off there last, ughhh) One time, a girl I had just met minutes before told me that I had thunder thighs- then spent the next 10 minutes trying to tell me that it was meant as a compliment! silly b!tch...

I think that the important thing here is to remember that YOU are not defined by your body. It is a part of you, yes, and other people may define you by it, but your spirit is what's important, as well as what governs your thoughts and ultimately, your body. You have the power to let go of what laundromat b!tch (lol) did by telling yourself that she knows nothing of your struggles and your strength, and that you do not deserve to be judged based on your appearance! You've lost 70 lbs! That's amazing!! That takes committment, courage, and faith in yourself. You have all that in you. Just remember that :-)

I hope that everything else becomes clearer to you soon. God willing, it shall.

hugs!

The funny thing about life is, once you move out on your own and have bills and rent to pay EVERYTHING at first will start falling apart, because you’re starting over and starting something new. Things will be difficult and sometimes you’ll ask yourself how the **** are you suppose to do this. I learned a lot moving out on my own the first time around and my number one rule is to ALWAYS have a backup plan (Job wise, especially if you are doing the acting, musician thing) because rent and bills aren’t going to wait for you to get your life together. Second rule is to put a little bit of money into a savings account. It doesn’t matter if it’s only 10 dollars a pay, just start doing it the money will start to add up, and my third rule is never depend on anyone, I don’t care if you are living with the person or not.

As for the Laundromat b1tch, she’s just a snob like most people in this world judging a book by its cover. Use that as motivation for yourself to get back on track, the weather is getting nicer try jogging, pop in a work out video, be active and do something and don’t dwell on the fact you gained weight back, it happens, we make mistakes were human. All you can do is look forward from this moment on. Good luck!

Thanks guys I feel a lot more motivated now. I went to the gym today (not for long...) and realized that the weather is too pretty for treadmills, so I will save my membership for tanning and working out when the weather sucks