I need a little help her. I have a beautiful and talented 11 yr old daughter. She is extremely athletic ( she's a level 7 gymnast) she has long light brown curly hair and is a honor roll student... - She has been bullied over the last 2 yrs by certain children at the new public school I put her in and most of the time she brushes it off... she has a hard time making "good" friends and she is kind of a loner like me that's the background

My daughter's friends all have boyfriends ( yes in 5th grade) and she wanted one also - so about a week ago a boy in the gifted class started talking to her on Facebook - (yes my 11 yr old has a fb that I monitor daily - which is where my problem is taking me) this boy that supposedly likes her and is her "Boyfriend" emailed her sometime last night after she had gone to bed.... I being who I am decided to check it 1st thing this morning... and I check her emails... the email said "my friends think your fat".... of coarse I am a mom so the 1st thing I wanted to do was strangle this boy.... but then I deleted the message since i really do not want my DD to read it.....now I have the problem of how I will handle it from here. I really think that boys at this age is bad but my DD insists it's just like having a good friend. They don't even talk at school.... My DD is now where near fat... she weighs 98 lbs and is pure muscle... she wears a size 10 kids clothes! ekkkkk please help... how would you handle the "boyfriend" and Facebook thing!


Thanks for Kind replies! in advance

Can you talk to his parents? Kids don't really realize how damaging that language is and it would seem the best option is to sit down with his parents.

First, I would resist the urge to correct him on the proper usage of your and you're...Then I would probably raise the issue with his parents and hopefully they can educate him about the proper way to speak to a young lady!

I don't know the boy or his parents.... so that really isn't an option... my thoughts are to:

A) ignore it and see what happens
B) tell her coach to tell her no boys
C) tell her that I really don't like her having a boyfriend have her breakup and blame me,..... I would rather be mad at me than be hurt
D) show her the email and let her make her own decision

I'm so not cut out for this!

baaaa haaaaa... Thanks for the laugh i needed that

If she is calling him her boyfriend, maybe you should meet him and his parents?

If you or her coach say no boys, then I imagine she may just hide it from you. I really wouldn't show her the email though because that is how eating disorders start and he was probably just being a typical kid.

I'm not a mom, but as a daughter, I want to thank you for being a good mom. A comment like that at that age would have devastated me. I was called fat and I never had a weight problem until I was older. I was also called stupid, weird, and all sorts of things that hurt me. In no way am I stupid (I am a little weird), and your daughter is not fat!

An 11 yr old that has a boyfriend??? I wasn't allowed to have one until 16! If he is going to be her boyfriend, you should meet his parents and definitely talk to them about it.

Weird is good my friend....... if we were are the "norm" boy the world would be in for a heep of trouble! You are beautiful!

Lindsey it's not the way you and me think of boyfriend a boyfriend at 11 is said to be a boy/girl that likes you and you talk - period - you don't go on dates, you don't touch in any way shape or or form .... it's just cool to say you have a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" personally.... I would love to put my DD in a ALL GIRLS SCHOOL... but I hear they are worse

It's a kid thing to have a boyfriend. If everyone in the class does, then it's peer pressure to have one. It was the same in my son's 5th grade. It's purely innocent. Basically, if someone has a friend that's a girl, it's a boyfriend/girlfriend. THey never kissed or held hands or anything. That sat together with a group of friends for lunch and sent emails. If this is all they are doing, leave her alone.

Second, I would never delete an email message from my child's email from a friend. Maybe that's me, but it's now put you in a bad spot. I guess I would just talk to her about body issues. Since she knows you are monitoring her emails (I hope she knows that), then say, "I saw a message from X about him saying his friends think you are fat." and start a discussion from there. For the record, this boy didn't say, "I think you're fat" and more than that, I'm sure she hears more than that at school.

Kids are mean, period. If you are smart, they call you dumb. If you are pretty, they call you ugly. If you are athletic, they call you fat. Anything to make you doubt yourself. It was almost comical in my son's GT classes that the biggest insults they would pass around was, "You got in here by mistake. You're stupid." Reality was, to be in the GT school, you had to be in the top 5% on aptitude/intelligence tests. NONE of these kids were stupid. Calling an athletic girl fat is a jealousy thing and something to try to bug her. This boy, in his own immature way, may be trying to say, "My friends think you are fat, but that is so stupid." Making it clear that if she's heard it, don't believe it.

I don't know. I'm of the camp that kids need to skills to learn how to deal with life and with mean comments and such. Trying to protect her from it or hide it from her is impossible, so better to boost her confidence and people skills instead.

I have her messages go to my other email... and the more I look at it the more I think maybe he didn't send it... he has an older brother and the email was sent at 11:30 pm last night...... maybe ther brother sent it? now I'm even more confused..... I will see how he reacts to my DD not responding to the message.... what 11 year old is up at 11:30? I know for a fact that most nights he is off the computer by 8!

I know, that's one thing I am not ashamed to be-weird! Thank you!

Melissa - I monitor it because she has been cyberbullied just a week ago... before that I never did... I told her I was going to keep an eye on her FB for a while to make sure those girls left her alone. I have already contacted the school... normally my DD will take care of things herself - but since she didn't know these girls - she wasn't sure how to handle it... hence why I monitor it for her...

You have more restraint than me. I probably would have sent an email back saying "my friends think your an arse." LOL!

Then I would have promptly notified fb of THAT underage user so they can cut off his account.