Hello everyone. I actually was on this site 3 years ago with a different name, but I am back, fresh name, and..50 lbs heavier :-/

Anyways, I just had a huge, gross binge. I planned it, I craved it since last night..wanna know my poison?

6..YES, 6(!!!) McDonald's bacon egg and cheese bagels. Its my absolute all time binge food, but I have never had so many before. Its a craving that I get the night before, because you can only get it at breakfast time at McD's. I clocked in at 3,000 calories..all before noon.

I feel disgusting, gross, sick, and terrified about what I just did to my heart.

I have been sick all week with the flu, and I have been home, which means eating all day long out of boredom. Well today was just the icing on the cake ..now I just feel sick.

I want to get back on the horse, I really wanna get back on my diet..but I cant overcome this guilt..this shame..

If I start over tomorrow, Im scared I will relapse after 3 or 4 days.

Any advice, or..anything?

I just hit rock bottom

I've read an article (can't remember where/when - but I deffo read it) that says scientists have proven that the more we think about the foods the less likely we are to eat them. Perhaps do a little googling and see if you can find that article and have a read of it yourself? Try writing down how you feel when you crave certain foods? I'm still trying to fight my cravings, but I'm substituting those foods for "similar" (kinda) healthier options.

I work at McDonalds (I know its poor money, but I'm a student!) and I see what they put in those things. Don't feel ashamed. Everyone has troubles some point! But maybe think about your B+E bagels next time. Think about all the grease they have on them. Try and think of as many things as you can that'll put you off. Or make them equivalent to exercise? "earn them" and I bet once you've done the aerobics/walking/running/whatever equivalent to the food you're craving...you won't want it anymore. Similarly if you binge before thinking, then try to burn those extra calories away. Eating 3500 extra calories will cause you to gain 1lb. So in the same way, Burning, or not consuming an extra 3500 calories every week makes you lose 1lb. That doesn't go off your RDA for men/women in general. It goes off what you actually have been consuming. You can google that and find out too. (they can calculate using your BMI/weight...its very clever.

I don't know if I'm being helpful or just blabbering but good luck and don't stress. One blip won't hurt your chances of losing weight.

We're glad to have you and now you can just move forward and commit to a lifestyle change!

I have binging problems too... I alternated between binging and starving myself, so my weight didn't get out of control, but it was VERY unhealthy.

A "mock" mcdonalds bagel might be a trigger food right now, but when you're ready for it, here is my mcdonalds-esque treat I make myself for breakfast! It keeps me from going for the real thing.

Nature's Own Bagel Thins - 115 cals
Two Slices Turkey Bacon - 50 cals
Two Egg Whites - 32 cals
1/4 cup fat free cheddar cheese - 45 cals
Couple TBS Sugar Free Maple Syrup - 15 cals

Total - 257 cals and like 19g protein! I dont do it too often though, because it has more sodium than I like in one meal.

I put the maple syrup on the bagel before I add the bacon, then egg, then cheese, then pop it in the microwave to melt the cheese... tastes like the McGriddles, which I love but are like 700 calories!!!

I've binged before and then shook my head later *what was I thinking???* I keep relapsing in trying to beat bingeing and one way that helps me is to just do what you gotta do. Journal, plan out your meals, exercise, whatever - just follow through. and if you binge, move on... if you wallow in sadness, like I did today actually, it just makes you more miserable. I went to the gym, walked for an hour (fast walk, not slow) and felt 100 times better. Just do what you have to do. But I'm sending a hug your way! I know how you feel!

I think what's important is you get back on track now before it's next week or next month and you're still not on track. You cannot change what you've done in the past but you can change your attitude towards it. Just because you've binged before doesn't mean you will do it again in 3-4 days. The thing is slips are inevitable, not one person here is perfect, we can only try our best to do what is good. You will probably start feeling better once you are back on track.

One thing I do when I have a slip is take into consideration how many calories I've consumed during that binge. It makes it real. I typically eat between 1200-1600 calories/day when I'm on track. So if I've slipped I'll try to calculate how many extra calories I've eaten and over the course of the week I'll shave 50-100 calories off my daily calorie intake depending on how many extra calories I've consumed(but never go under 1200), but after the week is over I go back to my normal plan. This way I can at least try to "own" what I have done. Not necessarily a punishment but more like being responsible for my actions.

Does all that make sense?

Just give yourself a hug and get yourself back on track, here's one from me too. Also, go do something nice for yourself, you deserve it!