How does one become something other than a guy's best friend? I've always heard that men and women can not truly be friends. I beg to differ. I have always gotten along better with the guys. I have two lasting girlfriends who love me for who I am. Besides them, women don't stick around. But men? I befriend them with ease.

I've always been a bit of a tomboy, but thanks to my mom who didn't want a tomboy, I am kind of equally feminine. No, I've never been one to carry a purse, put on makeup or do anything overtly girly, but I'm not at all masculine either. In fact, I think you have to get to know me for the tomboy to really come out.

I realized today at the gym that I have befriended most of the men there. That's great, don't get me wrong. One came up to spot me on a bench press today without me asking. I thought that was really nice of him. He's married, so this post isn't coming because of that. I've just observed recently that he, and a few others, have truly becomes friends with me. But single guys? Nope.

And truly, there is one guy and I realized how completely different I treat him from the other guys. Around him, I'm not so easy to talk to. It's hard to talk around a fluttering heart. The words just don't come to mind and I'm more worried about what my hair is doing or what's coming out of my mouth than about just being myself.

I don't think I know how to flirt. What is flirting, exactly? I feel like a defective bird who doesn't know how to put the signal out.

Adding to my own post as thoughts creep in:

I think part of my insecurity here is not knowing what guys like. In my marriage, I wore the pants, so to speak. We joked that my husband was more the wife and I was more the husband. He was more emotional and just...argh. This could easily turn into a slam fest.

In starting over, I don't want to be a doormat anymore. I want to be taken care of, protected and mostly viewed as someone who SHOULD be protected. Gosh, is lifting weights at the gym doing that for me? It doesn't matter. That's not going to change. But it makes me think. Perhaps I am not the type men view as vulnerable. I want to be vulnerable, but I don't know how? And do men like vulnerable?

My husband wanted someone who was vulnerable, someone who needed him. But he couldn't take care of me...at all. I had no choice but to be strong. I kept myself down in some ways, never learning how to mow the lawn for instance. But now that Spring is here, I'm about to learn quick and then, I feel like the last of my vulnerability is going to be gone.

I am a very independent woman and have always been out of necessity. But I don't want to be.

My flirting comes natural if you ask me to flirt on the spot it won't happen. Half the time I don't even notice I'm flirting. I think I have more of a *****y, sarcastic flirt then a girly girl flirt with a guy. I like to make fun of them, play fight with them that sort of thing. I guess that's my flirting haha so I can't really help you out on that one. I'm kind of a tomboy and a little girly at the same time!

I disagree I think you NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER want to lose your independence! seriously. NEVER! It's good it just proves you are strong and determined. Why would you want to have to depend on people in the end they'll fail you. Sure most men want a vulvernable wife who can cook and clean and not fix a toliet or whatever it is men should only do. But those woman get old and boring pretty fast. Not to mention the men take how ever long to fix things when they are asked to do it. So take that back about not wanting to be an independent person!

LOL! Love that line! But that's why my first marriage didn't work out. So I guess I need to wrap my brain around it a little better.

I really want some who makes me a better person, someone who compliments me. I want someone who feels like he's a better person for having me.

The thing is though there are going to be a lot of men who can't stand an independent woman, and yes there are a select few that find it very sexy. But you know what it was one failed marriage and the reason why it failed WASN'T because you were an independent person at all! If you depended on him this would have more then likely still happened and think about this, because you had depended on him you'd be going through the motions of this clueless and not sure what to do because you lost that independent person. It doesn't mattered if you are married or single, or dating someone everyone still needs to keep some sort of independence and if you ever get married again compromise with it. But if you're husband, boyfriend or whoever can't step up to the plate with whatever and you need to be 100% in control I think its time to drop him and find someone else who can help you balance things in life.

I was once told by this guy from work that I'm a completely independent and a control freak and the fact that I'm looking for a balance probably will never happen. I either need to except the fact that I need to be 100% in control (I don't think I'm that bad...maybe when it comes to work and things in my life but relationships I can usually share the control on somethings.) Or I'm going to have to completely give up totally control and let the guy take charge. Ha-Ha that will never happen. There are some people out there who can help you balance things out they're just a lot harder to find then the asshats that are filled in this world.

I think you need to find yourself 100% in order to be happy and to find someone who can completely you 150% because if you aren't 100% you are going to keep finding other guys who are not 100% and really you want to be better than a 100% completed when it comes to having someone else be with you.

I don't know how to flirt either. I'm terrible. I think the reason things worked with my husband was that we were able to get to know each other over the internet before we ever met. So, a lot of those weird things were gone. He says I used to flirt with him a bit, but that yah, I don't flirt. It just isn't natural to me. My sister, yes. She is a huge flirt. My mother in law at 75 is still a huge flirt. I find it disgusting to watch because it doesn't seem genuine, but guys eat it up which then makes me think guys are stupid for falling for that crap! LOL

You just have to be yourself. My husband definitely wanted an independent woman and I think most men who are intelligent do and with you being intelligent, you need to find someone as intelligent (or more so) than you.

Yes, I want him to protect me and to make me feel safe, but more by protecting me from financial ruin, making sure our children have a safe, stable home to grow up in. I want him to be there to comfort me when I'm sad and so on, but that's about a partnership.

I mow, take out the garbage and stuff as much as he does. He does most of the shoveling, but he is stronger and it makes sense.

Well if you've been married before you must know how to flirt after all you must have done it in order to land your ex husband. Think about what things you did back then or at the start of your other relationships.

Eliana - Flirting is ALL about body language. Sending non-verbal signals of interest.

Make eye contact smile and look away and then look back.
Mirror posture and poses.
Tilt head to one side.
Play with your hair a little.

And there's lots more - just google it.

So how do guys flirt?

Let's see...the eye contact and smiling is the same.

They stand towards you in an open stance or cross their arms to show their muscles to greatest advantage. They will have 'accidental' or purposeful touch contact (i.e., slight hand-to-hand contact or help you with coat or bags, etc.) They are inviting a return contact so a slight touch on their arm by you is exactly the response they are anticipating to show your interest.

They will pick up items you drop (and you can 'accidentally' drop something...I'm sure you've seen this in a movie) so they can be helpful, nice and show they are gentlemen.

Maybe some guys in the forum can contribute some more.

It is most definitely a mating dance!

DixC, you sent me googling and I hit a gold mine. Now granted, language is kind of my thing, and body language an extension of that, but I enjoyed this read very, very much! It's lengthy and quite in-depth as to the flirting techniques of both sexes. And as it turns out, I am indeed quite flirtatious...when I want to be. And there is no question in my mind now...I have been flirted with!

http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html

NEVER!

So why not ask Mr. Handsome to walk you out to your car one evening? Guys are usually happy to escort a lady to her car so she gets there safely.