Recently I've been having a lot of trouble with binging. I never really did the binge thing until I got under 130 pounds. In my mind I was always shouting "AIM FOR 1200 CALORIES A DAY" no matter what, even if it was impossible, and I always felt bad when (pretty much daily) I went over.

I've been wasting a ton of head space and energy on "trying" to diet for the past month, with little success at all. I'm thinking of trying something radical and simply not trying to consciously diet. I am giving myself a target range of 1500-1700 calories a day. If I stay within it, great. If I wind up a bit under, awesome. Just an experiment in relaxing my own expectations.

Some posters here have mentioned that they took "breaks" from dieting. I am not going to start eating nothing but junk or stop exercising because I know that makes me feel crappy both mentally and physically. I'm very interested to hear your experiences with "breaks" and your thoughts on this kind of change in general.

Taking breaks seem to work well for some people, but I have to admit it's usually my downfall. It never works out well for me. I find it very difficult to get started again. What works better for me is to continue tracking and planning, but just do it at a higher level for a while, so I keep up the habit. Maybe that's sort of like what you're suggesting? Having said all that, other people do well with complete breaks, and maybe you will, too. If you do it, I'd recommend you make it a limited amount of time and have a firm point when you will start again, and a plan to get going again.

Well, I'm not a regular here in the Featherweight forum, but I found your post while checking up on you, Krampus, because of your "time bomb" comment.

I was thinking: "Oh, boy. This girl is experiencing tremendous stress & tension in some part of her life, & I wonder how she is doing."

I think a "break" works well if you sit down & think out carefully what it will consist of. Make a contract with yourself. Think about what is stressing you the most, and try to reduce it. Think of specific things you'll do in particular situations.

I think a break doesn't work well if you say, "Okay, I'm done with any kind of rules. Starting now, let chaos reign."

The problem when you are an exacting personality & have restricted for a long time is that it's hard to ease up very gently & gradually on the brakes.

The lever tends to be pulled all the way on, or all the way off. Restricting, or partying hard (with others or while alone, in a moment of rebellion).

[Below is my own personal image of me, trying to handle my eating issue, and what I need to be aware of in myself: My lever with its two extreme settings:]



Your goal is to ease up gently, gently, by making some clear, rational decisions ahead of time about what you will & won't do.

When you ease up, you will likely binge less & even out.

But the other part of this requires looking at more than just your eating. It may mean looking at your life & whether you are, in general, okay, or feeling rather buffeted by circumstances & choices & inner conflicts about the course your life is taking. That's usually at the root of things, and the eating & weight worries are an expression of it.

Hope this helps you, even a little.

I've been thinking about you too. Your head's in a funky place lately and it's interesting that you've started bingeing when you always say you've never really done that before. I've never been a binger, but I have been extremely restrictive when I get to really low weights. The lower my weight, the more ridiculous I become, so I kind of get that. I think it's the perfectionism.

I recently took a planned break, but my "break" was a little different than I think you are describing. I stopped counting calories, but all my calories were healthy calories with my normal few exceptions, like once a day ice cream or chocolate. I also took a break from exercise, and that's where the magic happened. The diet ended up being no big deal and I actually learned that I eat intuitively really well now. But when I came back to the gym, oh my! With lifting, I was immediately able to lift heavier with more reps. Cardio was a different story. It took me a good week to regain my cardio, but I was able to improve from there where I had been a little comfortable. I like to get uncomfortable with my cardio.

As for the head space? It did me a world of good! But again, it was the exercise break I found so incredible. I am very goals oriented, especially in the gym, and it just really feels good to achieve what I was able to achieve after the break. That rush of endorphins after being denied them for a week and a half...awesome!

I hope you find your peace with this.

First off...I'd like to say on FREEING YOURSELF from the bondage of what I like to call the ALL or NOTHING mentality.

Making unreasonable and/or unsustainable expectations are the #1 reason why people GIVE UP and stop even trying to live a healthy life.

I think this is F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!!! I couldn't agree more! You could even through in a favorite food each week. CONSTANT denial is unsustainable. Allowing yourself ONE MEAL weekly/bi-weekly and sticking ONLY to what YOU allow yourself will remove the TABOO of food!

The thought of living the rest of my life without ever having my favorite foods such as...JAMAICAN food...or PIZZZZZZZZA...nomnomnom...I just can't imagine going on any longer!

M-O-D-E-R-A-T-I-O-N is key...and I think you'll find it with your new attitude.

Much success!

Aww Krampus, again, I feel like our lives mirror each other so much. If you are anything like me, its the constant restrictions in life all at once that are causing you to binge. As Joyfull refers to it, the "bondage" of dieting mentality makes you feel so restricted. Add in the restrictions of work and school and anything else that makes you feel like you have no "release" can drive anyone nuts! YOu need a balance in your life. I agree with Saef. I think the binges are a refelction of something else. You are trying to gain happiness or fullfillment with your binges. Hence why they happen more when you drink.

My fear about this break is you will still be obsessing with "dieting". Your calories may not be as low, but the losing weight factor will still be in the back of your mind. I have also tried taking breaks by easing up on the obsession and restriction. All it did was make me feel anxious that I am still "restricting" myself and unconcsiously obsessing but not losing as fast because I am allowing myself to eat more. You may be different but I just think you should really sit down and make a plan. A more flexible plan. I dont know what it is about dieting but it seems almost everyone becomes obsessed and feels like it runs their lives. A bondage. Thats when IT has control over US.

You know how to be healthy. You know you can do it. Maybe just try focusing on eating clean and not counting every calorie. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck with it!! I know you will succeed one way or another!

Around xmas I was underweight and decided to 'take a break'. I actually remember saying I was going to only pack leggings for my trip and eat whatever I wanted.

I stopped counting calories, ate whatever I wanted, but did keep up the workouts.

It was awesome for a day or two. I felt so free from the pressure of restricting myself.

And then all **** broke loose!

1) I felt like crap after a few days of eating crap (duh)
2) It started a horrrrrrrible cycle of sugar addiction that led to carb binges.

I like saef's advice (as I often do!). If you want to loosen up a bit, make a specific contract or agreement. I like the idea of going into a more maint range of 1500-1700, as you shouldnt be perma in the 1200 range....and Id guess you arent really in the 1200 range. Its an impossible reality to maintain permanently!

Echoing everything that has been said -- I'm just starting to feel like this myself, as the "honeymoon" period is wearing off, and my sense is that it might be helpful to "give up" on loss for only one day at a time, but still track calories -- and say, "well, I'm maintaining today, no big deal, so I can eat that brownie but I'm writing it down." Maintenance isn't the same as gaining.

I'm refusing to ever let myself get out of control and gain without responsibility, because that's why I yo-yo-ed in the past. Maybe what might work for you is being super accountable to every calorie, but not worrying if the calorie total is higher than you might have wanted.

Thank you everyone so much for your kind words and helpful, helpful advice! Yesterday I wound up eating just around 1500 calories. I ate when I was hungry and drank tons of water and tea, and it felt "natural." Weight went down a pound overnight. I realized that for me lunch is the biggest/most "important" meal of the day, so I packed a big lunch (~700 calories) and have a moderate dinner planned, with room for snacks.

I know I'm only a day into this and I'm going to Seoul for three days from tomorrow (a spicy food bonanza - at least they use lots of vegetables in their cooking), but I feel pretty optimistic right now.

lackadaisy Gaining without responsibility and yo-yo-ing are brutal. You gain 5 lbs and instead of thinking "maybe I should calm down" you just accept the 5 lbs. 5 turns into 10, 15, 20...I know this all too well.

xty Yeah, it would be all too easy to slide into "I CAN EAT POUND CAKE FOR DINNER" - I am trusting my own guilt and knowledge about nutrition/the effects of certain foods on me to keep me in check. The habits of "eat minimal desserts" and "exercise every day" are pretty well ingrained. I will make a point to stay within these comfortable boundaries.

Dianne You raise a very good point about the weight loss factor lurking in the back of my mind. I'm honestly not even about weight loss at this point - if I do, it'll be a nice perk, but for now the priority is not binging.

joyfulloser Thank you so much for your supportive words! I agree that a life without favorite foods is not a life worth living.

Eliana That's interesting to hear about your exercise break. I was reading about breaks in the Exercise forum a few weeks back and it seemed a lot of people were finding excellent results. I don't think I exercise hard enough to warrant a break. As for intuitive eating, I am hoping I can do all right. I know what X calories looks like nowadays.

saef The contract is a wonderful idea. You're absolutely right about the "restrict/party hard" dichotomy that exists in my head - it will be a good challenge to even that out. I think honestly a lot of the reason I have been getting so nuts about food and weight is because there's not really a whole lot else to do around here, as odd as that sounds. I'm in a very transitional phase of life - I have six months left of living in Japan working 9-5 on autopilot, then a giant question mark. Perhaps I will concentrate more efforts on growing a Chaplin mustache to fill my free time.

Kilketay I agree fully about breaks turning into hiatuses turning into disintegration of all good habits. I'm still tracking - at this point I can't NOT track - like you said, just doing so at a higher and more forgiving level. If I want rice I'll eat rice. etc.

Congrats on having a successful, on-plan day!! That's fantastic news. With luck, tomorrow will be even better -- and the day after that. I know you can break through the binge cycle.

Favorite line of the day!

I don't have any advice to offer beyond what's been said here, but I did want to say I'm supporting you and hope this works out for you. I definitely know where you're coming from with the obsessive thoughts, and desire to "tighten up" on the plan. Also, even though I haven't binged since I started losing weight (former occasional binge/emotional overeater) it does feel precarious sometimes, and the more I think about food the worse it gets. Sigh.

Just sending

So you're left with some empty time, during which you can't do much but think, and your thoughts inevitably end up confronting the Giant Question Mark.

And since there may not be much to be done immediately about the Giant Question Mark, there's still the ongoing body renovation project you can focus on. An excellent distraction, to control what you can, when you're facing a period when unknown circumstances may have control.

Or are you procrastinating about dealing with the Giant Question Mark & just going on dancing hard till you get closer to the edge?

I don't know, not being a professional, but based on my own experience with the worst of my bingeing, I am suspecting this bears some looking at, as probably when you feel calmer about the future is when you feel your choices about eating, exercising & self-care are good & rational ones.

I personally took a break at the end of December and while I planned to start back up in January, business trips and illness have had me sort of "on plan one week, off plan the next."

I haven't gained anything, infact I am down about a pound since I started the break. So basically, I've been in maintenence.

Mentally, I feel motivated and a million times better. Before the break, I was losing so slowly, and while I was staying on plan (1500 calories or less) seeing myself only lose a pound every 3 weeks was discouraging and depressing. I thought a break might help boost my metabolism a bit, I've been reading up on the concept of a "re-feed" week that body builders use, and it seems promising that taking a break from dieting can really boost metabolism and help break plateaus. We'll see when i get back on plan for a few weeks...If i can drop down to 130 more easily, I might just take another break after I get there.

A few things to note -

- I didn't take an exercise break
- I didn't binge or stuff myself, i just ate whatever I wanted and stopped when full (so maybe 2 peices of pizza, some salad and a glass of wine, instead of eating half a pizza because I feel like this is my only chance to ever eat it again)
- I didn't calorie count or measure, although I kept eating a lot of my "regular meals"
- I tried to eat healthy foods, and I tried to balance things out...so maybe I was going to have pizza for dinner, then i'd have soup or salad for lunch
- I didn't go hungry at all...when on plan, i usually go hungry between meals and go to bed with my stomach growling.

If I can stay on plan for the next few weeks, I hope to see some losses again. I started the break at 140, i went to 139 for awhile, and then i bounced around a lot between 139-141. This morning I was at my lowest weight so far - 139.2...getting out of the 140's has been extremely challanging for me, so I can't wait to see 137/138.

It sounds like you are taking a break the smart way already. I would just throw in these things

1) Don't stop exercising for more than a week or so. I've had successful breaks from running where I was sore and achy, took a week or so off and went back with so much more strength and energy. Anything beyond 2 weeks and I think performance starts to decrease a bit.
2) Don't over eat because you are taking a break
3) Don't go for more than a week without weighing yourself, and when you do, don't worry about a pound or two increase. It's most likely just weight from the extra food/water in your body.

Thank you Wildflower for your input! It sounds like you really have the intuitive eating thing under control and well within your grasp, which is enviable and awesome. I hope your illness and work has slowed down to the point where things are less stressful.

saef, wise wise words. It's a combination of procrastinating the Giant Question Mark and on making my body/weight my existing project, plus the feeling that since I'm leaving Japan in 6 months I have to do EVERYTHING I can possibly do between now and then - including tons of international trips, social weekends, etc.

Generally speaking I am feeling pretty good. The second day of the "new regime" went fine. I ate when I was hungry and I ran because I was starting to feel quite antsy about not having done so for a while. It's become second-nature to weigh myself and count calories, so I'm still doing that. I'm down maybe 2 lbs since earlier in the week, yet I feel more satisfied with my eating because I have just been telling myself "eat if you are hungry, the calories will add up." Maybe I can trust myself!