I know the phrase "i want to date again" isn't one you normally hear from a 20 year old, but since i have gained all this weight i simply won't go out and meet guys. Do any of you have the same problem? I know i should be loosing weight for myself, and I am, but at the same time it would be so nice to just get out there and meet someone and not worry about what he is thinking about my weight anyone else out there feel the same way? If not, sorry for my vent! lol

I know exactly what you mean, back in September I was dumped. It made me sad because it happened amid a whirlwind weight gain. Lately as I have been exercising I have also been thinking the same thing. I would like to have someone to snuggle with at night and watch bad TV with. I too have a hard time finding the mojo to get out and meet people. I think if you don't fixate too much on what you think the problem is (your weight) you may find a guy that doesn't care either. You would be surprised for how shallow guys seem, there are some out there that really don't care how big a girl is as long as she takes care of herself. I hope you find the mojo you need to try, it might be hard at first but I think you will do fine! Good luck!!!!

I've dated fat and thin (before I got married). It's all in your attitude and I truly believe that loving and accepting myself as a fat person is what made it possible for me to lose weight.

I know how you feel. After my divorce I was the biggest I have ever been. It was hard enough going through a divorce at 23 but trying to date in move on was even worse. I did lose weight but I can honestly say I think that I was able to start dating again because I started to become confident again. I think guys, the right ones anyway, are more attracted to a bigger woman who is sure of herself than a thin girl with no confidence. Honestly I found the easiest thing for me was online dating. I was able to talk to guys and get to know them before the met me so I felt that when they did meet me they weren't turned off by my size because they were already so turned on by my confidence. I hope that helps! Good luck getting back out there.

I wrote a blog post about this recently. Mostly I had assumed my weight was the reason I was single...but it turns out it's just me. My job is a pretty big reason I'm single; do you know how hard it is to meet guys as a nanny??!?!

The only person holding yourself back is you- if you want to date again then do it! If a guy wouldn't give you the time of day because you are overweight then he's probably not the guy for you.

I met my now husband at my highest weight

I'm going through the same thing. The guys ive talked to in the past NEVER made it official with me. Instead we were just "talking". They never took me out in public and they would only come over. That has truly killed my self esteem. I look at the girls that they proudly boast as their "girlfriends" and they are all smaller than me. It's just really REALLY annoying. Im probably just choosing jerks but it still hurts.

I know how you feel, though in some odd way the break from being so co-dependent in relationships has probably been needed.
However, I'd never really been ow ever, and gained a considerable (insanely so) amount of weight. The idea of letting anyone touch me now, repulses me. I've also totally let myself go in the process of gaining, the whole why bother i'm so disgusting/etc.

Idk, its sad, its screwed up but there is no denying the fact I'm treated 1000x over better in every way, thinner. Unfair, but no denying it. I have and hope to be able to stick to not letting my life be dictated to my looks (my self identity was so tied into being "thin/pretty/wanted") but i wonder if i'll ever not live in fear of food/weight. I feel pretty sure this time that I can and will lose the weight....but just, words fail to be able to really convey how i feel.

I also feel I obviously have a lot of other issues that come into play, i refuse to go out or be seen my old friends. It's my own fault, i am too ashamed of how i look currently. I also really fear the chance of loose skin, that that will "ruin me". I know how shallow that is, but it's overwhelming to me. (ie i will never be "ok" being intimate w/anyone in that state. lame, i know anyone worth having wouldn't let that deter things if they truly loved me, i think..) I suppose the reason that stands out so much to me is b/c i hate that i feel that way.

Good lord i'm rambling on, but this is something i try to not admit to, but SERIOUSLY struggle with. B/c i can't go back to my life before it feels, like it would be living a lie, that i'd have kept secret my weight gain, and therefore feel like a fraud, it makes me wonder what in the world is really wrong w/me. (plenty i obviously have some issues!) It's been a rough lesson to learn.

It’s all in your head how you feel about yourself is how you think other’s will feel about you so you stop yourself. My highest weight was 180 I didn’t want to date because I didn’t think any guys would like me because I was a fat girl (the truth was I was a fat girl who had low self-esteem and no respect for myself). But because of my destructive thoughts of myself it cause me to believe that everyone else around me was thinking the same things. I think I look good now so I feel good but I just don’t have the balls to ask the guy I like out haha.

So true! I nannied for years...

But that said, it is true that some of the best guys I've dated, no, THE best guys that I have dated have never cared whether I was heavy or thin. You don't want a guy that only wants you for your body. I've had that too, and it was awful. It really is however you want it to be. but that said, if you're not ready, you're not ready and that's okay too. You don't want to be with someone just because. When it's right it'll happen

You all make some really valid points, but in the end i really just think its my shallowness. I admit it, I just don't love myself right now. I agree with everything you said, Dissonance. I don't go out with any of my old friends (except for the few i have known since elementary school, and by out i mean hanging out at my place and maybe going and renting a movie). I know its true that if i found a class act guy he wouldn't care about my weight, but the thing is, i do. and I firmly believe in the phrase "you can't love anyone else until you love yourself" when it comes to relationships. I think its the fact i was thin for so long and i liked the way guys looked at me, i liked wearing flattering clothes and obviously catching someones eye. I guess once i lose more weight i'll be able to get out there...but thanks to everyone for their kind words!

Im the exact same way! Im glad you made this post. I was thin for a long time, and started gaining weight about 3 years ago. The heavier I got, the less confidence I had, and I started staying in. BUT I realized staying in and not meeting/seeing people was actually the worst thing I could have done. By staying in...I just got bigger and bigger. I dont think a person has to be thin to meet a guy.. but for some of us weight gain, does alot of damage to our personality. I became depressed, and started not caring what I looked like so much.

SOOO Im hoping by losing this weight I get a confidence boost, just like you are trying to do. And hopefully will get myself back out there in the dating pool.

Hang in there girl, we can do it!

I look forward to dating again, too. I know that most of the problem is simply my confidence; I always assume that guys are interested in my petite friends rather than me. History has only backed up this way of thinking, but I know that that can't be the only thing going on! Along with my confidence I know I've gotta work on my lack of interest in commitment.

We can totally overcome the mental and physical blocks that are keeping us from dating now.

I think loving yourself has to come first. Unfortunately, men can smell low self-esteem and insecurity like bloodhounds, and often end up using or taking advantage of fragile women.

There are lovers of all shapes and sizes. Don't let all the jacka$ses posting "NO FAT CHICKS" on their online personal ads get to you. Love yourself, improve yourself, and your confidence will soar.

20 pounds ago I felt way more "hot" than I do now, even though now when I look at pictures from those days I think "sheesh I should have put more clothes on." It was because I was in the active lifestyle-changing process and losing weight and finally starting to see the results - knowing that I was changing for the better boosted my ego x billions. I bet you'll see something similar for yourself soon.

Eyes on the prize!