School always stresses me out, it seems. I'm not sure why I let it get to me so much. I'm back in a restrictive phase, so it's extremely difficult to eat right now and really hard not to compulsively exercise. I'm not going to post numbers because I don't want to trigger anyone or myself, but suffice to say I have been eating entirely too little and working out entirely too much, and am maintaining a calorie deficit of more than what a lot of people eat in a day. And you know what the funny thing is?

...It's not even working. I am not losing weight. I am stuck at my current weight no matter how little I eat. GUHHHHH!! So, logically, I know that I need to be consuming enough to keep my metabolism at a normal level, but I don't feel like I can for fear of gaining. On top of that, I'm terrified that I am just going to snap and end up binging. I'm dealing with it with my therapist, but the frustration is still there. I just feel like throwing a tantrum...

This is the part where I go back to muttering "Fat is not a feeling" over and over under my breath.

I can really relate to the feeling like you are going to snap and binge. I can also relate to the frustration of restricting and not losing weight. So frustrating. I am doing WW and have had only small loss for the last 2 weeks. Small loss isn't so bad EXCEPT that I exercise approx 8-10 hours a week. So if I didn't exercise I would probably be gaining.

I am glad you have a therapist. I am in a "i'm gonna snap" moment and am thinking that it might be healthy if I just leave the house for a bit. Does anything work for you? (of course it's never easy)

First let me say that I have battled with the same over restrictive/ over exercising cycle with binge eating. And truly, it always feels like I'm the only one in the world that lives with this monkey on my back.

Even when logic says "eat more", this weird gut feeling / guilt/ fear/ I don't know what it is says "NO! you'll gain weight!!" ~ This feeling can not be reasoned with. I've tried.

You're working with a therapist and that is excellent, rather than trying to defeat it alone. My only suggestion is whan the moments of not being able to eat or binging strike, write down what you are feeling. I'm not saying that will help you in teh moment. Unfortunately you may face more over restricting / binging before beginning to heal, but at least you will have an in the moment picture to bring to your therapist. Perhap that will help with working through these feelings.

I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. I haven't figured out how to "cure" this, so I still deal with this everyday. Its like my secret cross I bare.