I'm curious to know if anyone has several strict rules they have for themselves to lose weight & keep the weight off. I've been counting calories since Sept. 2008, lost 65lbs. in 10mo. eating whole foods. I'm 42yrs. old and am doing everything I can to keep my metabolism running high so I can keep the weight off. I retain water so easily that everything I eat must have low sodium. I'm very active & am on my feet all day, I'm now maintaining for 17mo. I still follow my rules strictly. I have so many rules that I think they are affecting my quality of life. How long will i be able to do this? I feel like if i don't stick to them, I will gain the weight back. This is the third time in my life I lost alot of weight, I gained back all the weight after 2 yrs. twice before, I am not going to fail this time. I'm totally satisfied with the natural foods I eat, I love them and do think I was made for this lifestyle, but I really crave junk food a couple times a week. Here are my rules & why-
1. eating 1200-1300 calories daily
2. must exercise at least 30min. a day after I eat breakfast( because it raises metabolism higher if done within 60min after a meal)
3. Fat intake under 20g.
4. Sodium intake below 800mg.
5. I must eat my largest meal for breakfast, so I have all day to burn it off.
6. I must eat my smallest meal at dinner( metabolism naturally slows in pm.)
7. Won't eat dinner later than 6:30pm.
8. Eat most carbs before 4pm. (about 250) No higher than 10 carbs w/ dinner. Best for me not to eat higher carbs at night.
9. Must eat breakfast at 10am, lunch at 2-3pm, dinner 6- 6:30
10. Must go somewhere to walk after dinner, the market, shopping or in summer just take a walk outside.( raises metabolism if done within 60min. of a meal.)
11. Won't eat- potatoes, any kind of rice, quinoa, bread, soup, beans, cheese, & anything that is really high carb. ( it makes me gain even if I have a little)
12. Make sure I get lots of fiber & protein( digesting protein burns more calories)
13. Won't eat any kind of starchy food, even veggies like corn.( makes me gain)
14. Everything I eat must be low in sugar, sodium, fat. No high fructose corn syrup & am picky about amount of carbs it has. Never fried food either.
15. Won't eat veggies cooked in a frying pan even if no oils are used. ( I gain weight) I know this is weird, but it's true. I will eat them steamed or raw.
16. Will not eat anything after dinner, if desperate I'll eat a few grapes or strawberries.


I'm sure there's more I can't think of, my weight is higher right now because of the holidays. I just couldn't stay away from junk food, the rest of my family has to have their crappy food, it was in the house driving me nuts. Once a week I can't stand it anymore & have to eat all the junk food I want, but still count every calorie I eat. When I was dieting I was very strict, didn't cheat once. Once the weight was off I started binging once a week to maintain, how stupid I was. I haven't over ate in 9 days at all, I'm trying to be somewhat normal. I feel like I'm obsessed & trapped by my own rules, like I'm in prison. Am I the only one this bad? I'd like to know if there is anyone else who does this & what kind of rules do you have for yourself?
Thank you all so much

Just based on this, and based on the fact that you say you crave junk food a couple of times a week, I wonder if you are being too restrictive.

I plan to count calories for the rest of my life, and I am content to do so. My plan is not particularly restrictive--I try to avoid too many carbs, especially "white carbs", but otherwise allow anything in my calorie allotment, within reason. I also allow myself to go over my calorie allotment for special occasions, but I am absolutely fanatical about "paying back" the calories, even if it takes me weeks. That's my main rule that keeps me from eating too much.

I have been experimenting with including small amounts (usually 50 to 100 calories, sometimes up to 200) of treats, perhaps once or twice a week, as a way to lessen the urge to overindulge. So far, I seem to be able to keep chocolate at home without devouring the whole thing at once. Maybe at some point you can consider experimenting with relaxing one or two of your rules, such as when your meal times have to be or occasionally eating a small breakfast and a larger lunch.

The rest of your life is a long time, and it might be worth investigating ways to reduce the amount of mental energy it takes to maintain your lifestyle before you get fatigued enough to just chuck it.

For me, strict rules drove me off plan every time (and often led me to giving up entirely). With so many rules, I never could be perfect, and I couldn't help thinking that only perfect mattered, so even if I was succeeding, I felt like I was failing.

This time, my only strict rule is "no surrender." I've given up on giving up. I can bend or break every rule I have for myself except that one.

Now instead of rules, I look at my weight loss plan as a long list of trade-offs. Low-carb eating works best for me for hunger control and weight loss, but I can't make it about what I "can't" eat, or I'll just want the forbidden foods all the more.

I try to remember that every choice I make has trade-offs, and I'll do best when I know what the trade-offs are, and think about them when I make every choice.

Fewer rules has meant slower weight loss, but the speed (or lack of it) is the trade-off for perfectionistic thinking that drives me off plan when I feel like a failure for being less than perfect.

You sound somewhat like me, but honestly, yes, I think you are making too many rules for yourself. If you cant eat past 6:30, what if someone you love wants to go to dinner? Deny that quality time?

No fun, high carby foods ever? Food should be enjoyed sometimes.

I think living a healthy lifestyle is great, and this is something I need to do myself, but when all is said and done at the end of the day, we cant spend our lives trying to be thin, because at the end of it, yeah, we may be thin, but we have let our whole existence revolve around getting that way, and not enjoying life, or enjoying the healthy bodies we have gotten ourselves to.

Lighten up a bit, break a few rules, gain a few here and there, but they can be taken off over time. Enjoy life most importantly.

Rules aren't necessarily bad; they aren't necessarily good. It's all in how they let you live your life. If you're finding that some of yours are getting in the way, then yes, it's probably time to rethink them. There are a lot of people who can help with that rethinking process, too--nutritionists and dietitians who can work with you to devise a friendlier plan, counselors who can help you overcome anxiety from experimenting with/bending the rules, doctors who can run a few tests and find out if there's a medical reason for frequent cravings.

Some amount of concern about gaining back weight that you've lost is undoubtedly good; while I'm not at maintenance, I remember being thinnish once and gaining back the lost weight precisely because I wasn't concerned about it at all. If concern deepens into fear or self-recrimination if/when a rule is bent, then it might have become too much of a good thing.

I have some rules:

1. Calories 1400
2. Carbs 40+%
3. Water 100 fl oz, in addition to hot drinks without milk
4. 3 meals
5. A daily walk

I think my absolutes are #1 and #5:
so far, I really have managed it that, even if I've miscalculated and find I've no/few calories left for my evening meal, I stop eating anyway. It's not a mistake I've made often!
if I don't have the daily walk, my mental health nose-dives

I am not good at having little bits of some treats within the budget, because they tend to trigger cravings. However, I'm following the Carb Lover's Diet for the winter (albeit at quite a distance) and the increase in carbs still feels treat-like, without the triggers.

Oh yes. #6: I always, Always say 'no' to unexpectedly offered food.

I like my rules, I need my rules - but I've become aware that I need to learn some flexibility too. The rules are helping me lose weight but they're also teaching me to be quite scared of food, which is not so good.

I like Rosinante's rules, but I'd like to make mine even simpler:

1. Most days at 1500 or less.
2. Jogging and walking for peace of mind.
3. Not eating after dinner.

To be honest, I sort of think your rule, for example, with the sodium is silly and it says nothing about your weight or the way your body looks to others. Extra sodium (for normal people) is not bad, just drink a bit more water - and stay off the scale a day or two, it will go away.

It sounds like you need a walk after each meal, to handle your stress, so I'd say that is a nice rule that enhances the quality of your life.

Where did you learn that eating after 6:30 will have bad effects on your weight? Eating calories is eating calories - no matter what time of the day. I would probably try to change this rule into something like "I will stop eating 2 - 3 hours before bedtime to enhance my sleep" - as sleeping is generally better if the stomach isn't full.

I also think the time you are spending worrying about fat grams, carb grams, calories and sodium is intense.

I'd say dieting is sort of this escape world for you, where you make the rules and can control everything - and the demon in your world is the big bad metabolism which could slow at any moment.

I don't think alleviating any of your rules will make your world easier per se - then you would be giving up control.

I'm just curious, What did you do with your time before you started dieting? What did your life look like?

If you answer this question truthfully, you may be able to answer the question "Do my rules infringe on the quality of my life?"

As soon as you find the rules are getting in the way of living your life you have too many rules. If you have rules that you can bend and break here and there to allow yourself to live your life then those are sensible healthy eating routines, but say for example you cannot go over your calorie allowance for one day to be able to do something important to yourself like Christmas dinner (seasonal example!) and you are upset that you "cannot" take part rather than keen to take part in a manner that fits your rules then that's too many rules. Or, more accurately, rules too eagerly applied. It's the first stage of an eating disorder to have strict rules that you cannot work around, you are at the top of a slippery slope, do make sure you don't put your foot on it. If you flew to the UK and the time all changed and dinner was served on the plane at 11pm could you, would you?

Many of those things that make you "gain weight" are probably more accurately described as making you bloat, retain water, etc. Now if you want to go to a special event in a revealing dress then it's a good plan to know what makes your belly stick out and avoid those things in the run-up. But it doesn't make a lot of sense to avoid any foods that make you retain any water, often it's a good thing. You need to retain water in your bowel to digest the highest fibre foods, it's not "real" weight, it's weight that flushes!

Oh, and exercise will boost your metabolism if you do it at 6am or midnight. It's not recommended to go out and exercise too soon after food because far from "burning it off" your body will either be too busy digesting food (it's hard work!) to let you work out to potential or it will be too busy working out to digest the food so you'll miss out on nutrient intake and end up with bloating, etc.

Explore how it makes you feel to break some rules. If you feel liberated that's good news. If you feel shocked and horrified then look for sources of support to help you break those rules. Good luck.

[Oh, dear, I feel a really long response gathering within me ...]

Darling, I am not a doctor or a trained counselor, so please don't see this post as professional advice. But I have been there, in the eating disorder territory, and it's a harsh, anxiety-causing place, where you feel you can never live up to all that you expect of yourself, and you're either criticizing yourself for not living up to your own self-imposed standards & adhering to your own schedule or you're getting by somehow, by the skin of your teeth, but certain that you can't sustain it & the whole thing is going to come tumbling down any minute.

You do see this, I can read it in your post. You know, of course, that this is why you're bingeing. You're in conflict with yourself. You are divided into two people: the strict authority figure who's your jailer and the unhappy inmate who's getting exhausted by trying to meet the very specific conditions of 16 different rules for eating, and particularly by the time table you have set for yourself: You must eat at this time, you must exercise at this time, you must NOT eat at this time.

What happens when you have to meet other people, at different times? How do you accommodate lunch, dinner, meeting for coffee, going to a child's sports events, and other meetings with family & friends? What are your relationships like?

How many days do you successfully meet all 16 different conditions, and adhere perfectly to the schedule? If you don't, how do you feel afterward? (It's that word "perfectly" again ... telling, isn't it?) What is the likelihood that you can fulfill all these obligations faultlessly, day after day? Not high, I'd say. You're a human being, living & breathing, with needs for love & friendship & interaction with the larger world. You are not a timetable for a transportation system. (Heck, even the airlines & Amtrak can't meet a timetable consistently in all seasons.)

As I see it, you can have a lonely, restricted life, reveling in your steady weight & control, bingeing in rebellion to your self-imposed rules, and beating yourself up emotionally at your very human slippages, or you can have a richer, fuller life, where you're not always feeling vaguely like a failure or recovering from a binge, but your weight varies naturally within a certain range, like weather, like tidal flows, like the rate of growth of a crop or flowers coming into bloom. Notice that I didn't say "being fat." It's not about going to the other extreme. I said weight varying. Life is about variety, varying & variances, not about trying to freeze into a specific state that's held indefinitely, through superhuman effort.

Are you thinking about getting help for this? I mean, beyond a message board?

Be sure I strict with my rules !
Oatmeal for breakfast
Protein and veg for lunch and dinner
No added sodium
100 ozs water at least
No picking, cheating, licking, etc
I have had to be rigid. I think some people are made that way, and the only way they can succeed is by being really harsh. It means I don't cheat and that this time, I will succeed!

I'm not sure these two are not a little contradictory. You say you want high fiber and protein, but you won't eat beans. Beans are a great source of fiber and protein. Cheese and soup? Also great things to have in your diet. And a lot of the other things, are they your rules or things that are proven ~ like the exercise must happen within an hour of eating? Just wondering.

I'm still learning all this so my rules are basically just stay within my calorie intake (1300 - 1600) and walk 30 minutes/ 6 days a week. It presents itself as a simple math equation to me. I suppose if I stop losing I can always do the problem and add a divisive coeffient, hahaha!

Oh! I forgot to say that I decided early on not to eat back calories. I suppose that qualifies as a rule.

Since you asked...you are obsessed. No one has gained weight by the type of pan they used. And you won't eat soup? There are certainly a lot of 'healthy' soups out there that might...just might...pass your list of other restrictions.

Sorry this is long!

You are a little bit to obsessed and strict with yourself. It is so easy to get there once we get used to our bodies and the way we feel. I got there myself the last time I lost almost 40lbs, in fact people would say things to me about not being so worried about every little thing that had to do with weight. It easy to fall into really when you work so hard to take off weight and make a lifestyle change. However, you have already stated that this is sucking enjoyment from your life so that is a good indicator that something needs to change.

I only had a few rules when I lost weight (and these are the same this time while I am trying to loose)

1. 1700-1800 calories per day
2. Must exercise 4-5x per week
3. If I eat anything after dinner it has to be a piece of fruit or a cup of veggies
4. I am allowed to have one cheat meal per week but this meal will not go over 1.5 hours (meaning I can't just eat and eat and eat for hours on end and call it a cheat meal)
5. Enjoy life and those around me on occasion and not worry about my calorie count (this happened probably 1x per month)

This may sound weird but I have always believed that if you are eating truly wholesome good for you foods then your weight will be where it needs to be. Maybe your body is just not meant to be 108lbs maybe it wants to be 113. If you eating good foods and this include all foods including those on your excluded list and exercising as much as you say you body should fall into its natural weight.


To often people get caught up on the number on the scale and that should not be our only measurement of success with weight loss. How we feel, how our clothes feel, and our overall health should be the indicators we use. I think you are being entirely to strict and cutting out all of the foods you listed to me is not right. Rice and potatoes are not the devil and they should be enjoyed in moderation. You have to expect that you are going to gain some and lose the same 5lbs or so while you are maintaining. Its natural really for our bodies to do this based upon what we eat.

You have turned losing weight into an eating disorder and I get it I really do but you clearly realize that something is not right and I would highly recommend you see someone about it. Losing weight is supposed to make your life and you a healthier happier person and when its not it is time to make some changes in your life.

My rules, weigh daily, count calories, plan ahead keep a food log. If I eat it I write it !