I know this post looks huge, but it isn't all that big and it would make me extra happy if you'd read it and talk to me. <3

My entire life consists of keeping up a happy demeanor for everyone around me- that's what everyone knows me for- my smiling. So, as this is the case, it makes it impossible to find someone to talk about my problems (and even if I had someone to talk to about it, I cannot find the courage to do so.)

That is why I have come here, seeking support from you all- someone who understands and can tell me it will eventually look up.

Now, if you have the time, maybe sit a minute and talk with me?

I'm nineteen, and have been overweight my entire life... it runs in the family. Luckily so does being tall, so at a current weight of 315 lbs., my 5'11" frame helps distribute it a little more evenly. But, tall or not, I am still large and it has never changed, no matter how hard I tried. I was diagnosed a year ago with Type One Diabetes, and with that under control mostly now, I've lost around 25 lbs. without trying (though now I've started to regain, which doesn't help my attitude towards this in any way.)

The reason this is in the Depression forum is the fact that I do indeed suffer from depression. It, too, runs in the family, seriously. (If you don't believe me, consider this: my father has severe depression- inherited from his mother. When he was 17, he walked in on his mother committing suicide because of her depression, and her mother suffered severely as well. Tell me that depression doesn't stay in the family.) I also suffer from OCD and anxiety.

My depression keeps me from getting on the right track to lose any weight. I don't want to blame it on a condition but I know that it keeps me from doing many, many things- not just getting off of my butt to work out. I know that I have a lot of weight to lose, too.

Here is my problem- I am too terrified to go to a doctor to see what I can do about either of those things. I feel like the whole world thinks they're depressed; I have this fear of being thought of by anyone as just another one of those people, or another teenager begging for attention. Even if I were to go talk to someone about it, I am like, programmed to smile and pretend that nothing is wrong as soon as I meet somebody, in an attempt to seem the opposite of what I am scared to be seen as, I suppose.

Does that make any sense?

If you understand, please let me know what you've done to do good for yourself. This site is so full of success stories, and I know at least one person had to be dealing with what I am going through.

Thank you!~~

Alexis

Print this off and don't sit still. Read it while you walk. WALK, WALK, WALK. Walk around your bedroom in circles if you have to, but WALK. Scientists have found that simple walking can change brain chemistry. They actually found that 1 mile of walking creates the same positive change in brain chemistry equal to the average anti-depressant pill. I found it to be true for me! My dh started walking with me. We'd get the craziest looks from people we passed as he'd ask me if I needed another anti-depressant pill. (He was asking if I wanted to go another mile, not an actual pill, LOL.) It really does work. Add that it will stir your metabolism, and you'll feel better about yourself and be healthier physically, too.

Do you remember the verse that says, "think on these things"? Deliberately focus on positive things. We tend to dwell on the negative. Focusing on the positive will drive us toward the positive. "Whiskers on kittens, and warm woolen mittens...."

Hi Alexis, big hugs to you. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Depression is awful, and yes, it unfortunately it touches the lives of many people. I was freaked out when I was diagnosed wiith it, and my doctor explained that it is a chemical imbalance in my brain, and that it was not something to be afraid of-- unless I let it go untreated.

I know you're afraid of what people think about you seeing a doctor for it, but that is none of their business. You don't have to tell ANYONE.

If you think that 'everyone thinks they are depressed', think of it this way: Tons of little kids break their arms or legs playing when they are little. Does the volume of kids breaking bones make your particular child's bone break less legitimate? Does it make your child less worthy to see a doctor and have it fixed?? NO!

If you're worried about seeing a shrink, talk to your general practitioner during a physical, they might get you started on treatment and hear your concerns.

Good luck to you!

Get this book: http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Ac...3473557&sr=8-1

Work this book. It changed my life.

HUGS!!!! I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Depression really sucks. I know there is a lot of stigmas about admitting that you are depressed or feeling that you need medication..but it can help. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about it..I know it is easier said than done. And if you doctor does not listen that does not mean your feelings are invalid..it just means you need to get a different doctor on that will listen. So don't give up hope you can do this.

Depression does suck. And I am certain it runs in my family, too. I have noticed a HUGE difference when I am excercising and eating more healthfully. I did go see a counselor for a little while. But about three weeks ago, I went to a general practitioner and started taking anti-depressants. I had tried many things and finally felt it was time to try meds.

You don't think anything of taking any medication you need for your diabetes, right? This is no different. If you need medication to balance out brain chemicals, it is no different than taking a medication to balance out your blood sugar. And none of it is anyones business.

And the PP who said about kids breaking bones - just cause it happens a lot doesn't make one less legit than another... it is SUCH a good point.

I am feeling better... But I still have work to do.

Sometimes it is good to smile and carry on... other times you need to go get a little extra help.

i so relate to your story. at one time i felt the same way. i had been depressed for years, but felt ashamed to ask for help. i went to therapists but was resistant to medication. and it was hard to talk to anyone about it, because no one else knew how depressed i was. like you, i always tried to be cheerful and smiling around other people- no one realized how i struggled with anxiety and depression and obsessive thoughts, how difficult things really were for me. but i felt that medication would be cheating in a way, like everyone else had the same struggles and managed just fine. when i tried to talk to people about it, they would usually respond with, "you? but you seem so happy, so together, maybe you just need to do some yoga!" (i love yoga, but it was not the answer to my depression)

getting medical help has made a huge difference. i started taking meds when i was about 29- i'm 40 now. i so wish i had gotten more help when i was your age- i think i would have accomplished more, been more successful in many areas of my life. it's up to you and a good, thoughtful psychiatrist whether you want to try antidepressants. but from your family history and the symptoms you describe, you should definitely have that conversation.

depression (as well as anxiety and ocd) is a DIAGNOSABLE disorder/ disease. there are specific symptoms, there are treatments. there are protocols and diagnostic tools and so on, just like for any medical condition. antidepressants are not "happy pills," they are serious medicine intended to treat specific disorders.

i'm not trying to push medication- it is one treatment that has helped me immensely. therapy has also helped me- probably more than the meds, but the meds help me to be helped by therapy. don't be afraid to reach out to a doctor or therapist to talk about your symptoms and how to overcome them so you can meet your goals (or create some). especially since you don't feel you have anyone else to talk to now, because you feel pressure to be smiling all the time to others. a therapist/ psychiatrist/ psychologist/ social worker/etc is a professional who has chosen this work because he or she knows that it is real, and wants to help. they will not look at you as just some kid looking for attention. and if you get that feeling from someone, go find another therapist. if you tell a competent professional what you have shared here, she/he will pay attention.

sorry to go on and on, but i feel i have been in a similar place to what you are going through. depression IS treatable. it's not a quick fix one-treatment-cures-all condition, but you can absolutely get better. please don't be afraid to talk to someone and find out what your options for treatment are. it can be overwhelming to find a therapist, especially when you are already anxious and depressed! but please try to push through that. the scariest part is the unknown. i so wish i had been more proactive and brave when i was 19. i didn't know. i feel like i lost out on a lot of life because of it, and had 10 extra years of negative/obsessive thinking patterns to work through. mostly, though, i'm just so glad i got over my own feelings of shame and stigma and fear (i may just have been too depressed to care anymore) and i got help- medication and regular therapy. i still struggle sometimes, but i now have the tools to fight it and have learned to talk honestly with my friends and family about it.

remember- this IS treatable. you sound like an intelligent, thoughtful person who cares about other people. you have so much to gain from releasing yourself from the anxiety and depression that hold you back from being the person you truly can be.

and keep us posted!

alison