Ever since the first time I started watching what I eat, I've slipped into very restricting eating habits, lose a lot of weight, fall off track and gain it back.
When I was in highschool, I started cutting out this and that, which turned into cutting out meals, until I was only eating a bagel everyday, and that's it.
In my early 20s (after having regained the weight) I began cutting things out. First mayo, then cheese, and so on and so forth...until I was literally eating a saltine cracker with a pickel slice every day. What is that, like 10 calories? Gees, I don't even know how I got out of bed every morning.
Of course I regained the weight. A year or so later, I cut out everything but veggies and fruits. That's all I'd eat. Again, massive weight loss, and then gain it back.
Its more than just restricting down to super low calories or only certain food groups, its guilt and anxiety that comes with eating outside my weird rules. And I never know how long it'll last until I give up and eat, eat, eat, until all the weight is back.
It definately is a lot of what I imagine anorexics go through, only I never hang in long enough to get very thin. Maybe that's a good thing.
But now that I'm back to watching my weight, I see it. More and more restriction. Today I ate one (100 cal) serving of oatmeal, a can of the light progresso soup, which I didn't finish, and a half a can of plain pink beans...oh and a cup of coffee with half and half in it. Gees, typing it out make me see how ridiculously little that is, but in my head I feel like I ate too much and I won't let myself eat anymore today. Plus it 9pm, and I absolutely allow no eating this late. UGH!! I hate trying to "eat healthier" because I just end up starving myself. Or the pendelum swings in the other direction and I eat out of control and all the time...I know this isn't normal, but I can't bring myself to stop.
Does anyone out there deal with this too?


for you! Secondly, perhaps writing everything you eat down as the day goes on would help? You said writing out what you ate today made you realise how little it is, maybe writing it out as the day goes on and looking at what you've written every so often will make you say, "Hey, that's really not a lot." That, along with the calorie counting, might help you to still feel in control of everything, without going overboard with the restrictions.