Okay guys, I dont want to make this sappy or anything for anyone but I wanted to see if I could connent with anyone on levels other than the levels I've already connected with some of you on. I know that a lot of us havent always been heavy and that for some of us things in our lives which trigged depression or what have you may have been the cause of it. So here's my story as to how and what helped my 20 pounds weight gain(that ive recently lost) along in the last year.

In the summer of 2009 I met a boy..his name was Andy and I automatically fell for him. Andy and I became close as friends but we both caught automatic feelings. The bad part of this is, Andy had cancer and was thousands upon thousands of miles away from me in Poland (not where he actually lives, that was in CA) getting treated for hypopharyngeal cancer (cancer of the throat). See, I met andy on skype, he was dating one of my friends and when we met, we couldnt ignore the attraction. I fell in love with him instantly and he fell for me just the same. We dated for a month and a half..he got worse and worse..the tumors grew..we spoke when we could..through voice calls and through chats..and well...one night we spoke and that was the last time. The following day he went into surgery and died on the table..I never got to see him. He was my first love. I went into a deep deep depression after that..the following month my father killed himself..he was an alcoholic and clinically depressed all of my life..for as long as I can remember. This put me into an even deeper depression but it was andys death which started it. From then on I went from my normal 160 (which was still more than I wanted to be) to almost 190 pounds in a year. I'm still in and out of depression but getting better and losing the weight has helped tremendously with that but I still lapse some days. In the beginning I would try to hurt myself..thought of suicide multiple times..almost tried it multiple times. My life and my leg were my friends..bad but..my mine wasnt where it should have been and some days when I remember everything, I think of doing it again but I havent since.


I hope this post hasnt scared anyone, but I know theres some of you out there like me who have had things like this or worse be a kickstart to their weight gain.

I'm so sorry you went through that and still feeling the pain. I'm also losing my father to cancer/lung transplant. I gained weight this year with everything going on. I don't have many words of wisdom unfortunately but hugs to you and things will get better.

Thank you and hugs back to you.
I'm not asking anyone for wisdom, wisdom can only be gained within ourselves I think but just knowing that I'm not alone is enough.

i am so sorry. looks like you're carrying a heavy burden...that's a lot for a girl to deal with and at such a young age. good for you for taking care of yourself and getting healthy. you are so worth it! i've been through tragedies of my own and let me say that it will get more manageable with time. *hugs*

I'm really happy you're pulling through and that you're still here. Since I was about 15 I've been taking care of my sister and her kids because she is in and out of hospitals. She has a list of medical problems and a lack of health insurance so fixing those problems takes time. Over the years I had went from being 150 to 250 Ibs by the time I was 21 years old. My sister and my nephews had pretty much consumed all my time giving me no life outside of them. I went to school and worried about them (and I was frequently depressed). Then around two years ago they had moved to another state to live with our oldest brother. Suddenly I was no longer responsible for getting the kids to school, visiting my sister in the hospital, making diner, doing laundry..ect. So I now had *me time.* Which turned into me excercising and loosing weight. I love my sister and my nephews but I am really happy I don't have to pull my hair out taking care of them as frequently as before.

You've been though a lot of hard times but you are also a strong person. Good luck with your goals.

Thank you!
and thank you Jess