I'm having a hard time right now.

I'm writing a book.

Tonight, I wasted 3 hours that could have been used to write, tinkering and editing with this new program a friend was nice enough to buy for me.

It gives reports on things like overused words, cliche and readability, etc.

I was having a really hard time figuring out exactly what it wanted from me, and by the end, I was REALLY mad. I immediately wanted to send my bf for a pizza. Thankfully, I knew that wouldn't happen for one, and two, I didn't really want it to, but I knew I did want pizza! ha.

So, anyhow, I compromised. I sparked and I had enough cals for two pita pizzas, each with a little sauce and .25 cup of cheese, an apple, and a sugar free snack cup for the rest of the night.

I was eating the snack cup while the pizzas were in the oven. I felt pretty terrible. I knew that normally, I would not have eaten it. I very rarely eat stuff like that.

I know it's probably stupid to feel bad for eating a 60 calorie snack cup, but the creamy textured goodness was a comfort, and THAT is what I felt guilty about. Not because I ate it, but because I knew why I was eating it.

I'm feeling really upset about my book right now, it's spilling over into these other areas.

I stayed perfectly on plan...but I am just behind on my writing and feeling awful.

Oh, then I get on livejournal and read a friends blog that basically sounds like, "I'm so thin and pretty, I hate it, I hate taht everyone is always complimenting me, I feel like meat."

I'm like, okay, I feel like bacon. join the club.

You are not the only one this week my TOM is due this week and uhhhhh so far I havent gone over my calories BUT Sunday I ate a ice cream sandwich regular ice cream sandwich for 160 calories and Monday I ate 2 toosties rolls mini for 60 calories grrrrr I was made at myself even thou I stayed under 1500 calories both days I hate hate hate the days leading up to the TOM I always crave sweets or salty things and eat VERY close to 1500 when most of the time I eat around 1200-1300 oh and last nite I had poatatoes even thou it wasnt written on my meals for the day and I ditched evening snack but it still made me feel guilty too.

And here's a for you. The good news is, you recognized the "want" for emotional eating, and compromised with yourself (not ordering pizza) and had a perfectly on plan meal instead! Now you can work with yourself and try to stop this cycle the next time it happens. . .

When I write, I get snacky. I discovered that this past summer. I write novels too and the program you go sounds awesome!! I love to use the "find" feature to see what words I use too often. My worst offender is "for me" or "to me".

What helped me curb the need for snacking while I wrote was walking at 2.0 mph on the treadmill with my computer rigged up to it. It gave me something to do while I wrote.

As far as the emotions behind it, yeah, that's hard. A lot of people swear by gum or just brushing their teeth.

That said though, please don't feel guilty over the way you handled this!! I think you made excellent choices! We're eating for our lives here. Yeah, better would have been to snack on some fruit or veggies or yogurt from your house, but you made a way better choice than ordering a full pizza with cheese sticks. I think you did ok.

I do understand that you do not want to seek 'comfort' in any type of food and feel guilty for doing so. You have been doing so good. You are a good shopper and 'chooser'.

So I wonder why the snack cups were in the house to begin with? Is it time to get rid of any others in the house?

Friends are being supportive. Is it the overflow of guilt from said snack cups or delay of progress on the novel that prompted a negative view of yourself that you thought you were unworthy of such praise?

I've been is the exact same head space. You ARE worthy of such praise because you are thinner and you are pretty and after all the hard work you put into this journey, you deserve plenty of praise.

Bravo to you even try to examine this behavior. Bravo to you for your food choices in spite of the novel sidetrack.

Thanks guys,

dixc, they were in the house cuz my bf who is also watching eats them. I find it perfectly acceptable to eat them at times, but I just didn't want to eat it then, because of the reason behind it. snack cups I believe are the only non health food we have in the house.

Also, my friend wasn't saying those things about me, she was saying them about HERSELF. ha. That SHE is so thin and pretty and oh boy life is hard. :P

I'm not one to suggest getting rid of the pudding cups. The world is FULL of pudding cups. You have to change how you react to the pudding cups. I like writing pudding cups... and saying it...sorry off topic...

Knowing it was an emotional response is half the battle. Working on that will lead to the next logical step where you say "wow this pudding cup is not comfort it's a pudding cup...my husband hugging me is comfort" or something along those lines.... halfway there is kind of awesome!

DOH!!!! *cleans smudges off of glasses* I get it now!! I still stand by this statement :

"you are thinner and you are pretty and after all the hard work you put into this journey, you deserve plenty of praise."

pudding cups is a cute phrase, I agree. :P

and dixc, thanks. :P

either way, I lost 4 lbs today so that cheered me up a bit. :P

There you go, Chica!