Thanks for the cheer, Jennifer!!! You're right... let's end 2002 with a bang! I know that I need a bit of attitude adjustment...

*sigh* I do have some "venting", "letting off some steam", or whatever to do.... The past month or so has been extremely stressful on me. I'm in university right now & that has just been taking a toll on me. I'm having such a hard, hard time keeping up in my classes. In addition, I am trying to look for a new job right now, & unfortunately, not getting too many interviews & zero offers Finally, to top it all off, my husband, who I love very, very much is in rehab right now for alcohol abuse He just started Monday in an outpatient program & will go inpatient tomorrow (which just also happens to be the anniversary of the day we met ). I don't know if many of you know much about alcoholism, but I am really happy that he is in rehab & has admitted he has a problem that he needs to get help for. I grew up with alcoholic parents & relatives & I know that sobering up is a cause for celebration, but that doesn't make it any easier or any less stressful, you know. I'm sad, scared, a bit angry, & worried all at the same time. Mostly, I don't know where this is going to go in the future & that frightens the bejeebies out of me.

Okay, sorry, but I guess I just needed to get that off my chest, & you guys are the "lucky" audience. Jenniffer, I didn't mean to turn your happy post into such a downer so quickly. I love your Proverb though, & think I may have to add that to my growing list of "Sayings that Keep Kayla Going"

One more thing, Inca's Momma: I've been meaning to ask how your new program is going (I think it was at a bariatrics center). I haven't been around much lately, so you may have posted an update recently & I missed it, but I was just thinking of you & hoping all was going well

Same goes for everyone else... I really hope things are going well & I am really going to make an effort to be around more... Coming here does wonders for my soul

Kayla: Will be praying for your dh - it must be an extra stressful and anxious time for you and yours. Praying about your job too.

We have turned a major corner in the adoption process. For the past several months, although we were applying for the adoption, we were also in fertility treatments. I have endometriosis, and the treatments were very painful. I hated them. Then the disappointment at the end of each month as it became the beginning of another month (Day 28 becomes Day 1 on the temperature chart).

Anyway, visits to the fertility doc were all yucky, and everything with adoption is all Happy!

So, 4.5 pounds down and 27 more to go in order to bring this baby home! It's quite a motivator. And I have to say that I was totally waffling before I signed on with you guys - this daily accountability and group-enthusiasm is what I needed to JUST DO IT!

Angi

Jennifer, that is quite an uplifting post! Thank you very much for those words.

Kayla, Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I too, have come from an alcoholic household, but I do remember how much better things could be with sobriety.

Angi, I'm glad to hear that the adoption process is going so well for you. Keep that motivation up, and I'm glad that we are all here for you to help out.

Me, I'm really struggling. I cannot seem to get back on plan, and in all honesty, I haven't really been trying. I am now the same weight that I was when I got married and only 8# more than when I got pregnant the first time, and I just can't seem to care about losing again. I am definately suffering from self-sabotage. I know, start journaling again, drink my water, and keep my chin up.

Jennifer,
I haven't mentioned the fertility treatments before, so you didn't forget. There isn't a specific child - we are adopting from an agency in South Korea, so we know it will be a little Korean baby, probably a boy. We go through the long application process through our agency here, and through INS (immigration) and then we get on a list - at that point they assign a child to us. He'll be about 5 or 6 months when we get to go and get him.

There's reportedly a doctor at this S.Korean agency who wants to make sure the precious babies have healthy parents. And I can't argue that I would be healthier if I lose weight. The weight chart goes right along with that BMI obesity chart we were discussing a few weeks back.

This whole thing can take another 9 months from now, so he's probably not born yet. I'm praying for his birthmom's health and life in general.

That's the story!

Angi

Wow, where to begin??
Jenniffer-I loved your opening post. You are soo right. This group is more like a family almost to me. Always someone here to inspire you when you are down. I just read what you wrote about your great weight loss and then gain and I was there with you! I felt it. I have been there myself three times if you can imagine. Three!! I lost 50 pounds (starting at 225) then within a few years I was back to 225 again. Then I lost 50 pounds again!! And low and behold gained it back again. Once I lost 40 pounds and gained that back too in record time. Each time I lost it, I lost it fast. This is why I am not too worried about losing it slow cause atleast I am basically keeping it off during my slumps. It's ok to maintain your losses just dont start gaining it all back. It's hard on your soul when you do!!

Kayla-I cant imagine going through two stressful things at once. You must be very strong. Have you ever had counseling? Sometimes it helps to deal with hard things in life. It also could help you deal with living with an alchoholic and how not to be an enabler. Thats what counselors call it. Can you tell this is in my family too? Both grandfathers and my dh's grandfather were. They always tell the wife/girlfriend not to make it easy on them, dont allow them to be that way, etc... I am sure there are books on this too. good luck to you!! And dont let this be a time to stress eat. (easier said than done, huh?)

Angi-Did the docs say maybe you can get pregnant even with endometreosis? I had a friend who had this (had to keep having the surgeries too) and was told she probably would never get pregnant, but guess what? She had three sons and a daughter! She kept having those boys until she got her girl! So, you never know!!

Denise- re-read Jenniffers post!! I so agree with what she said. If nothing else just maintain until you feel up to trying to lose some more. I was in a slump myself but I am so glad I didnt gain. I kept gaining and losing the same few pounds until I got ready to lose for real!

happy halloween everyone!

laura

Jenniffer - I'm glad I could motivate someone, 'cause I'm having a hard time motivating ME!

Kayla - I'm glad your hubby is getting the treatment he needs. You're right - it's not going to be easy, but he's made the first and most important step.

Angie - Let us know when you get your hands on that precious baby. Maybe we'll throw you a virtual shower!

Denise - oh BOY do I know where you are right now! I'm also struggling...it's like I just don't care, but I know I do. Some of my clothes are getting tight again, and that's just plain unacceptable. (Doesn't it suck when our husbands love us just the way we are! )

If I missed anyone else....sorry!

Good Evening all. Had an Ok day, ended up having a major lunch with my boss at the country club. It's amazing how much you can consume during a 3 hour lunch meeting. Soup, rolls, lunch, drinks. But it's just one meal right. Tomorrow is going to be a hectic morning, getting Jacob out the door with his breathing treatments and costumes and treats, I'm dog-sitting, so I'll have that taking up time. I had pretty much resolved that I wasn't getting up to work-out. Then as I was doing the dishes, I realized that I wasn't beat. Normally by dinner, I am falling down tired. Now last night I got my normal 6 or so hours of sleep (I REALLY need to work on getting more). But I felt OK. Why?? Maybe because I had worked out. Hmmm. So it's up at 4:30 again for me tomorrow.

Jennelle - how are things at school?

AngiKL - I'm glad that things are going well with the adoption. What motivation that must be. Although I have to say I don't think they have the right, I appreciate the fact that they want the healthiest possible parents for their babies. I know what you mean about the fertility. I didn't go as far as it sounds like maybe you did, but it took me 5 years to have Jacob. I need to stand back and reflect here. When I had jacob (345 maybe when he was born - c section). She said that she wanted me under 200 when I got pregnant again. She said we were lucky the first time (breathing issues with me and c-section difficulties all due to weight) That should be my motivation. Jacob is 2. It's time to try again, but I am sooo far from 200. I see her in Jan. If I could be say 260, maybe she'd Ok me, but no way at 290. Hmmmm.

Denise - I'm sorry your motivation is low. You won challenge #2. We just finished challenge 3. It hasn't been so long. You can get it back. I am gald to see you sign up for the November challenge, we have about 15 people signed up, maybe some Competition is what you need. Let's look at the positive. What of your healthy life style changes have you kept up with?

Kayla - Alcoholism runs heavy in my family too. Dad, both grandmas, one grandpa. I always say that I survived the alchololic gene, no, I just use food instead. A more acceptable form of abuse. I am very gald that he has come forward and is getting the help that he needs. you come out here and vent any time you want missy. We are here for you. You have so much stress right now.

Jennifer - What a great start to this thread. It really sounds like you have your motivation back!!!

Hello all,

Things get better. I am taking it one day at a time. A song played on the radio and I started to cry. I don'tknow that is going to be the hardest thing listening to the radio and hearing songs that discribe what I am going through. Well he still has not called or written. I am sure he is not in the state anymore. I just don't know if he went to Texas. Running is not solving his problems he needs to face them like a man not a mouse. Oh well. November 15 is the day I get to see the lawyer to start the divorce. He will have been gone just about a month by then. I hope he comes to his senses and calls by then so I can talk to him. I also go to counseling on Tuesday. It will be the first time since he left. It will be good for me. Well I must get back to work. I will post indiviuals replys later.

I pop in occasionally. After my pound gain last week, I have a renewed committment to do better. The Halloween candy bowl is downstairs. I'm hanging out upstairs until it's time for me to leave for the day. Tendinitis is slowly improving I think.