I've posted a bit on here about an issue with my mom. A short (as short as it can be) backstory: she wasn't a very good mother. There was a lot of abuse, physical and emotional, neglect and instability when I was a kid. There were times we were homeless, or scared to sleep because we thought CPS was coming to get us. She kicked me out when I was 14, and i went to live with my grandparents. We didn't talk for a couple of years aside from her threatening to hurt me or herself. When we finally started talking, she ended up being into drugs, alcohol, criminal activity (she even stole a lot of money from me) and she was VERY unstable. I told her she had to clean up her act. Blah blah blah, a couple of years pass, she was diagnosed as severely bi-polar, and started medication. However, for the past 7 years she's been very emotionally draining to me. She doesn't speak to my grandparents and none of her siblings, in fact, the police are usually called (by bystanders sometimes) if they do interact because my mom yells obscenities and threatens them. My grandparents don't think very highly of her either, but are good with not bashing her in front of my brother and me. She's always being "harassed" by people wanting drugs, yet she still hangs around those same people and has shown signs of drug use. A few years ago, my sister stopped letting my mom see her kids because of her continued instability. My mom hit the roof, threatening suicide, etc. My mother's behavior actually contributed to my sister losing custody of her son because my sister used to be close with her, and my mom was writing abusive letters to my sisters' baby's father AND the judge for the case. My mom would do things like write my sister's kids names all over toys and stuff and keep them around the house, "just in case," they came over. My mom's current boyfriend was loopy, but nice.

Ok, back story over... A few months ago my sister started letting my mom see her kids again, even letting her babysit. I don't leave my mom alone with my kids EVER, but to each their own. Anyway, my mom was constantly going on about her doctors and how they were getting mad at her because she had multiple prescriptions for pain killers, etc. Well, she started taking ADD medication when she found out they had made me lose a bunch of weight, and I had to switch dosages. She's already being treated for bipolar disorder and also chronic pain. She lost a bunch of weight. She was kind of out of it when I'd talk to her sometimes, and I would hear people in the background at her house, and she was telling them about her pills and how much they were. (!!!) She said she tells people coming around wanting drugs she doesn't do that anymore, but for some reason they still come around, and she still lets them in. Anyhoo, my brother stopped talking to her after she went nuts on him over facebook. She had been causing problems in his workplace, stealing from there and everything. His supervisors know the situation (he moved out at 14 and lived with my grandparents as well) so his job is safe. So he avoided her. Every time she would call, she would go on and on about how everyone treats her badly, and would go into tirades over people. She was obsessed with her weight, and seemed to delight in telling me how sick she was. She even told me she had lung cancer last year. (she didnt) In September, my husband's grandmother died, and we made the long car ride home. My mom saw me the day after we arrived (we had barely had any sleep) and complained that I didn't come see her as soon as we got there. She didn't care that it wasn't a social visit. She seemed out of it, and was walking around town with just socks on. (it's a very very small town) I let it go. Later, I heard she had a child abuser living with her and her boyfriend. I asked her boyfriend and he said yes. I told him I would have to make arrangements for everyone to get together because i didn't want the kids around the abuser. I talked to my mom and she was very nasty, and told me he was NOT living there. When I brought up what her boyfriend said, she started yelling and screaming at me, so I hung up bawling. My husband said enough was enough, and drove into town to tell her she wasn't allowed to do this to me or the kids anymore, and until she got her life together, he didn't think it was wise for her to have anything to do with us. I agreed with him, but told him she would do something drastic to punish me. My sister stopped talking to me. In fact, she had invited us out to her house, a 1 hour drive one way, and then never showed up to her own house. She never said goodbye or anything.
Two days after we get back to our home in North Carolina, my mother's boyfriend called while I was at a friend's house. He left a message saying my mother had tried to kill herself and it was all my fault. I called him back, and he told me I should be ashamed of myself, and I'm jealous of my mom's weight loss (I'm not, she looks deathly ill) and that my grandparents brainwashed me. He said she tried to kill herself because I am ungrateful and selfish. He hung up on me and I never heard from him, my mom or my sister again until tonight.
I had wished my sister happy birthday on facebook. She wrote back saying she loved me and wished I was there. That. Hurt. She never said goodbye to me. She ignored all my texts and calls and never even showed up at her house. When we went through town, my sister's van was at my mothers house. That was the day after my altercation with my mom. I told her how her post made me feel, and she hasn't gotten back with me yet.
I feel like I'm doing the right thing by not having anything to do with my mom. She is an incredibly toxic person, who will manipulate someone any way she can just to get what she wants or needs, regardless of who she hurts in the process. She's a sociopath.
I'm having a hard time forgiving my sister for just dropping me like that, especially since we only get to come home once, maybe twice a year, and also because when she decided to protect herself and her kids from our mom, I supported her even though I still had a relationship with our mother.
Should I just get over what my sis did? Do you think I'm over reacting with my mother?

Hi there Pst, I remember reading your posts before and whilst my opinion was not to completely cut your mum out of your life, I now know that really you would be well advised to keep well away. As for your sister, from what you are saying, she seems to be putting her children in a rather bad situation. It's a really tricky one as you seem to be caught between a rock and a hard place, as the saying goes. Do whatever is the best for you, never mind whether your sister like is or not! Better to be guided by your husband who obviously loves you and cut your losses. If your children ever want to get in touch with them, time will have lapsed and things may be on a better plain. Set your sights on protecting your children and don't feel guilty about it. Better for you to develope a calm household for your family than the continual trauma that surrounds your mum and sister - not good for children, they may not see a lot of it but they will feel it and have a great effect on them.
All the very best.