If you "splurge" or have planned off plan days/events, etc. how do you make that decision? How do you decide what's worth it and what isn't? And if you decide that something isn't worth it- have you ever avoided doing something or going somewhere because you were afraid you'd go off plan?

This weekend I have a big event planned with a group of friends. It's an annual thing, a whole ton of fun, and something I usually look forward to for months. With that said, it involves a lot of wine (a lot a lot of wine) and a pretty big dose of desserts. Throw in the cheese and crackers, more wine, a huge diner breakfast, some beer... well, it's pretty much a food debauchery fest. I know that I can probably be somewhat moderate for the day- only taste at two wineries, keep breakfast somewhat kind of decent, and probably stop at one dessert. The problem is that even if I can hold myself to that, I'll still be up two pounds the next day that will literally take me the rest of the week to lose. This is also coming up after last weekend, where I took a three day trip with some of my closest friends, went off plan (planned in advance to do so), and paid the scale price for it. I'm at the point where I just want to be losing weight, and I'm tired of small little gains from off plan days wreaking havoc and sabotaging an entire week.

Is it ridiculous not to go this weekend? I'm stuck in this place where I can't decide if I'm being responsible about my diet and weightloss goals, or if I'm letting them separate me from my friends and normal life experiences. I guess I just have trouble deciding how to determine if something is a "big" enough event to be splurge worthy. I don't treat myself with cookies or dinners out, etc. but this summer had 5 weddings, all of which were people I was really close to and 3 of which I was in, the bridal showers and bachelorette parties, my wedding anniversary, the annual family campout, the Disneyland vacation with friends... all of these things seemed to me like occasions that justified a little off plan detour, but there's just so many of them! For those of you who do have splurge days or events or whatever, how do you decide what is worth it to you? And if it isn't, how do you stay on plan? Have you ever decided just to not go?

I used to think that I could just splurge on those trips or events because all the exercise/diet before and after would make up for it, but I've realized that it doesn't. Not really. Not for me, anyway.

What I have been learning, from my friends who are thinner and work at being thin, is that I have to be picky about what I eat. I have a friend who drinks but she won't eat any carbohydrates. She balances the calories from one thing with another. I've also been watching all of my friends and they will eat salads and fruit and avoid the big steaks and fries or baked potatoes.

We share ONE dessert among 5 people, instead of ordering a dessert for each of us. When I go on a business trip and I don't share desserts, I'm learning that I can have a bite or two and then put my napkin on top of it, so it's out of sight/out of mind.

Eating healthy snacks before dinner also allow me to make a better choice at dinner because I'm not starving.

I think these events/parties/etc. are good "tests" for our new habits. After all, this is life, and we have to live in a world (we can't hide from it!) and we have to learn to make good choices. Watching thin people eat has made me realize my "regular" choices are really not healthy choices.

I probably would not have considered most of the events you mentioned splurge-worthy. My calculation is something like:
1. Is the food going to be really exceptionally delicious (at places like weddings, it tends not to be. Good cheese, though, is something I consider exceptional).
2. Is there anything being served that I can't get year round, or that is really important to me to feel like I "did" this event?
3. Where is my weight in comparison to my goal (for me, at maintenance, this is my "redline")?

I can't say I've ever decided not to go to an event because of the food. I go, I just don't eat the food. I think if I just didn't go, I'd have a lot more regrets than going, and deciding to abstain as much as is humanly possible from the items I don't want to eat.

The items I do choose to eat are exceptional, rare, and part of the experience (a filled pastry from a little patisserie in Paris, not from the Paris hotel breakfast and certainly not from the convenience store).

I think it just comes down to how much of a hurry you were in. I lost 135 lbs in 14 months because I wanted to try to have a baby and there's a certain urgency to that--I am 34. But if I am successful (mid-IVF right now!), I really plan to lose the baby weight more slowly--I don't care if it takes two years to lose that plus the 20 lbs I'd still like to lose, as long as my losses are steady.

Splurges will slow you down. Enough will stop you. All you can do is monitor your weight loss and see if they are worth it.

That said, it's quite possible to go to these things and just not drink or eat at all. I've gone to BBQs and wedding showers and such things and just not eaten. As long as there is no sit-down meal, no one even notices. For this thing you are talking about, just go and don't eat--pack your own food and slip out to eat it when you can. If your friends are really your friends, they'd rather have you there and not eating than making excuses.

I agree with Shmead.

During the losing portion of my journey, nothing was splurge worthy. I knew that down the road, when I was in maintenance there would be plenty more splurge worthy opportunities. And how .

But that didn't hold me back from going to numerous events and having a great time.

For me, a once-a-year event involving friends and visiting wineries is absolutely splurge-worthy. But to echo the excellent point Shmead made - and to constrast - I am not in a huge hurry. I like excellent food and drink too much to give it up entirely just to get the weight off in a year, when I can carry on enjoying it once in a while and still get the weight off in, say, two years.

In your shoes, I would not want to miss the once-year time with my friends. Nor would I want my diet and fitness to become the fixation of the conversation - as it would if I went along but said "no thank you" to every single offered morsel of food and drink. So, I would go, and I would enjoy myself within as much control as I could possibly exercise.

My weight-loss strategy pretty much boils down to "don't be a pig" anyhow, so learning how to enjoy good food and drink without being a pig is a big part of the process. And if I am a pig, oh well - too many calories today, maybe no loss this week, but no matter. It was just one day. It's over now and I'm back to my plan.

But that's just me. It's a very personal decision and I suspect most people on this board would handle it differently.

I say go and be as good as you can be because let's be honest- weight has probably held you (and most of us here) back from certain things in life already, not that you are regaining control and your figure, don't let your weight issues hold you back anymore- don't let life pass you by. You won't be able to avoid fun events for the rest of your life, best to start learning how to splurge within reason now, ya know?

How about you have that one dessert, leave a few bites for a friend even....eat well otherwise and drink the wine.

If you didn't go you could end up feeling tired of your eating plan, like it's holding you back- you don't want to feel resentful towards your healthy choices.

This is a very hard question. But, I will tell you that we had two vacations planned for the next six months- but, when I was told I HAD to lose this weight we promptly cancelled the vacation so that I wouldn't have any interference. In the past I have let one little splurge put me in a down ward spiral. NOW- since my life depends on it I will not splurge until I have met my goal.

Stacy

*To me*

Wine + good cheese = Splurge worthy.
Greasy diner food, beer, and multiple desserts = Not splurge worthy

But that's just me.

I'm facing a similar weekend. Every year, I get together with about 30 other mommy friends. We all pick a location with a house big enough for all of us to sleep, and we rent it for a 4 day weekend and fly in from all over. There's a TON of alcohol (wine, chocolate martinis (omg, yum), beer, vodka, etc etc etc), a ton of food. There's always peanut butter rice krispies treats, "trail mix" with peanuts and M&Ms and Reese's Pieces, lasagna, chili, chips, bacon, sausage, cheesecakes, and on and on and on.

My long weekend is coming up, and I'm planning to not splurge. If I want alcohol, I'll have vodka with diet root beer or an MGD 64 (blech). I'm bringing Fiber One bars and oatmeal for breakfast, 100 cal popcorn and cut up veggies and fruits for snack, and will eat sensible meals out of what's there. I won't let myself indulge in the goodies or binge, because after that same weekend last year made I went off plan for 9 months. I won't do it again!

Sometimes I plan my day around a couple of indulgences (for example, we went to an annual festival last month. I had a light breakfast, ribbon fries and fried cheese and cheesecake on a stick there, and a light sandwich with veggies for dinner when we got home. That, combined with all the walking, and I still lost weight that day.)

Great question! For me, alcohol = poor choices. I think I would go and have a great time, but make very wise choices. I would abstain from the drinking, but that's just me. If you think you can drink and still make choices you won't regret, then go for it.

I hear what you're saying about being sick of the set backs. That's how I'm feeling right now. The question is...how sick of them are you? If you're truly fed up and you can't go without indulging, then I would just pass it up and go the following year. I know that sounds harsh, but I don't think I could go and not have regrets. If I knew I could go and bring my own food and maybe just taste the best things and not have it do a number on my psyche, then I'd go.

Sorry, I'm not even making sense. The point is, I'd just make sure I do whatever I won't regret. Life's too short for those!

I wouldn't skip it...no way. Go and enjoy!

I do have a question though...are all the girls going to this "night out" obese? Do any of them (except you) care about their figures or health? If not...yikes, it's gonna be a hard on the hips night. But if so, if just one girl there is a normal weight...follow her lead. Eat whatever she eats... Eat/drink no more than the slimmest girl there.

I used to go to things like this and drink to oblivion and think that everyone was eating and drinking as much as me. Now that I have quit drinking and actually watch and remember what other people are doing...well, none of them eat or drink as much as I did. Most people just nibble. No one actually does the eat/drink til you pop thing. My thinking was pretty distorted after a quart of booze.

ETA: Oh and by the way, when I was losing, nothing was splurge worthy...but I wanted the weight GONE. Now, well, a nice size slice of homemade white chocolate raspberry cheesecake or lemon meringue pie are about the only things I think are "worth" going off plan for...Oh and Christmas Dinner

Great question, SouthLake.

I've had a few "planned splurges" that have worked out fine, but I think it's an individual thing whether a person can do it without spiraling off plan.

In the summer of '09, I had the great good fortune to spend a week in Maui. I'm usually pretty frugal, but it was a "recession special" that was so comparatively inexpensive that I practically couldn't afford *not* to go. I tried to "save up" some calories in the few days before my trip, I estimated calories the best I could (including a luau and a couple of restaurant meals), and "paid back" the excess calories after I got home. I didn't have any trouble getting back on plan, and it was definitely worth it.

There's another weekend event that I do twice a year with some friends where there are usually rich foods and desserts. This past spring, there was an Oreo cheesecake that looked really good. Rather than have small slivers of several different pies (which is what some of the people did), I decided that only the Oreo cheesecake was worth it, and it honestly was.

I feel fortunate that I can work these occasional treats into my plan without having trouble getting back on. I'm not as much of a social butterfly as you, so I don't tend to have the problem of these sorts of events piling up.

If you do decide to go, you might want to say ahead of time, "I'm going to have one glass of wine, one small plate of cheese and crackers, and one dessert", then stick to that. You can nurse it long enough not to feel self-conscious. If you find it difficult to do that, it might be worth saying "no" occasionally.

Good luck!

Same here! It's gotta be GOOOOOOD to make it worth it. I don't consider crap food 'worth it'.

Hmmm, maybe for an event like this, it's a good time to *bank* some calories???? Perhaps shave 200 to even 300 calories off of your daily caloric intake for a week. Then you'll have a little more room to *safely* add in a small-ish, controlled specific splurge.