I have been feeling really down lately about getting older. I turned 45 last month and my age hasn't really bothered me before. I don't think that it's the number, but how the opposite sex views older women (not that 45 is elderly).

I don't know where I read it, but I read somewhere that an older woman stated that she felt invisible and that's what bothered her the most about aging. I think that I feel a little like that. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

I'm 40 and don't miss the sexual harassment. I'd rather be less visible.

You're as young as you feel.

Age is just a number, just like the weight on your scale.

The best part about aging is that you get happier as you get older. The way to beat time is to improve with it.

You *go girl.

I am going to turn 40 in a few weeks so I will be joining you all here very soon. I have to admit that I am dreading it.

I don't know if it is the fact that I will start to get wrinkles and look older...there is no turning back the clock at all with surgery as I don't have the money. Maybe a little has to do with the fact that my life is probably at least half over..ugh I know, it is a negative outlook but I can't help it.

I don't want to get old, I want to stay right where I am right now...

Well, I'm 71 and sure don't feel invisible!
Sure, getting older is hard but when you examine the alternatives ...

I totally agree that age is just a number!! I know I don't feel almost 43 and I have been told that I look younger. I like being in my forties! I like not having to wonder what I'll be when I grow up...not having to find a sane person to date...having a stable roof over my head...not having to apologize for being different...and the list continues!

As for the feeling invisible...I think you only feel invisible if you act invisible. I still dress to impress, wear make-up and smile and chat with perfect strangers. I've had great conversations with people at stores and also at a local farm market. And even though I am married(but wear no rings, another story)...I have been approached a few men who asked me out. Definitely not as many as when I was 25ish but still no where near being invisible.

I look back on how insecure and self-absorbed I was when younger ... I think it comes about because you have to gather context about the world and how you fit into it. The 40's have been terrific so far (I'm 43). My only sticking point is realizing that I need about a 600-year lifespan to do all the things I really want to do, and not getting locked into an analysis-paralysis about picking what to do next!

A guy on the radio the other day was joking with a co-host about checking out women from 18-30 -- and my thought was his loss, there are a lot of hot women in their 40's, 50s+ and more -- women can be radiant at any age, etc..

On the other hand, I've felt invisible for years being heavy. People just stopped "seeing" me it seemed...as I started to lose a little more weight and felt more confident, they eyes were back - while I thought I'd "love" that, and there's a piece fo me that does, after being invisible for so long - it sort of made me uncomfortable, but because I had "eyes" on me often when I was younger - I missed it for a long awhile.

As for myself, I like myself better in my 40s and the confidence of who I am. I hope you find a comfort level with this new feeling you're having.

It's not about looks. I don't look 45. I have people tell me all the time I look 10 years younger. I dress nicely even while at home. I'm married and certainly not looking for anything outside of that. I don't feel insecure with myself at all. It's not even about my self confidence and it isn't about sexual harrassment. I think it's just a phase that I'm going through. Our lives our changing, my husband's health is not the best and I think I am just feeling down lately wondering what my life will be like in 20 years.

And yes, getting older is better than the alternative.

There's not doubt that getting older present many challenges. We all know we are heading that way and yet do everything possible to resist it.

Personally, my 40's has been my best decade so far (I turned 45 this year). I hit 40 and barely noticed it, was very busy raising a small child and a teenager. A year ago, I realized that I needed to take better care of myself, started and exercise routine, became a vegetarian and kind of reivented my whole take on life, enjoying it, relaxing a little bit and appreciating my husband, my family so much more. It was a conscious decision.

I am also lucky because I can easily past for a 35 year old, so that helps.
Still, your feelings are completely understandable, as you say it's probably a phase. You need time to process these feelings and make some readjustments in your life (if you feel they are necessary!)

Best of lucks,


Caribbean Girl

Getting older is definitely better than the alternative, and I agree with other posters that some things are DEFINITELY better in my 40s- my sense of self, my understanding of the world, and my ability to take things in stride without overreacting are all better now than in the past. Having said that, there is no question that there's a real down side: my joints ache, my hair is grey (of course, I dye it), my metabolism is even slower than in my youth (and let me tell you, it s*cked to begin with) and men (and women) don't even glance in my direction anymore, despite having a better figure right now than I did a decade ago. I definitely notice the "invisible years" that many women complain about and Iyv33 mentions in her first post, where they're taken for granted and receive little acknowledgment of their physical selves. I'm enough of a feminist to feel indignant about it, because older men don't hit this stage until their 70s (and not even then, assuming they are rich or powerful enough to overcome their lack of physical presence).

Sorry to be the downer in your midst, ladies, but I think I've hit some kind of mild mid-life crisis personally, of which my weight loss and physical fitness ambitions are just a part.

I'm 45 and it was a hard birthday. Much harder than 40. I chalked it up to the fact that I plan to live to 90 so I really was middle aged. And 45 starts the downward slide to 50. 40 to 45 went way too fast.

I can relate to this. I am still in my 40's but only for 2 more months The mortality thing is depressing. I have to face the fact that I will not be the one person in the history of the world to live forever That I will pass away and life will go on without me?! But I want to be involved with my kids forever!I don't want to leave them, or my husband (though in all honesty he will probably go first because I really try to improve my health) . That part is a little scary to me.

Yeah, it has its pluses and minuses(!).

I have, in the past couple of years, gone through something of a "midlife crisis," and felt myself changing (almost drastically) the way I was looking at several aspects of my life. Again, like what was said above, I think there must be something almost inevitable about going through a stage like that, where we question who we are and where we're headed.

Then dealing with serious body and hormonal changes, the biology of perimenopause. That turned out to be a bigger deal for me than I thought it would be. Accepting the end of my period, and that I wouldn't be having kids (most likely, barring some medical miracle, ha).

Overall, I don't feel bad about being in my 40s (46). Like others here have said. Lots of things I like about it. I feel more centered and confident in general. I feel like I'm a better person now -- more patient, understanding and empathetic. I wouldn't want to walk backwards in the journey, so to speak.

I don't feel invisible to guys -- though I do suppose the men I'm attracted to and who are attracted to me have changed. I have a fairly youthful spirit. Yes, I have more wrinkles. I also have a better developed sense of self.

I will be 46 in two weeks. I feel like I am 25. I don't look it mind you, but I feel it. I know who I am so much more now than I did at 25.
My hair is rapidly thinning (only real sore spot for me), my face is starting to really show some lines (adds character ) and things are a bit more saggy than I would like. But I am me and that is who I intend to be.
As far as attention.....well I get way more attention now than I ever did when I was younger. My husband gets a little jealous. Mostly the attention is because I dress with confidence. I haven't fallen into the age trap with what I wear. I dress for me now! I am happy and it shows. Definitely not invisible