I think I have it figured out now.

I like to think of things in terms of equations and pros and cons because I am a geeky scientist.

Pros
From what you say, this dude thinks you're amazing as you are.
He compliments you.
He thinks you're hot.
He liked you when you were at your highest weight and still does.

Cons
I can't really see them

Things to work through
I was always told, 'how can someone like you if you don't like yourself?' I don't beleive this. I find it easier to begin to like myself if people around me seem to think I'm ok. I think you need to try to like who you are and the rest will follow. But whether you like yourself or not has no bearing on whether he likes you. He does. You have to accept it, even if you don't agree

My partner is 15 years older than me. It's never been an issue. He was married and has a kid. Doesn't bother me because he loves me and thinks I'm fine. Although sometimes I disagree with him, I have to accept that his opinion is his...and sometimes feel good about it!

Don't lose sight of what you have by picking it apart. You have a loving man by the sounds of it, which is more than a lot of people can say. Enjoy it! Relax with it! And work towards where you want to be with his support, not fighting against it.

Hope that helps x x x

Are you old enough to drink?

I usually don't advocate drinking when a person is trying to lose weight, but in this case, maybe a glass of wine or 2 will help you loosen up around him.

If you don't even like him to touch you in a non-sexual way, he's gonna move on eventually....especially if he's been married. He's gonna think your a tease...(even though your not) guys don't like to be teased.

I can totally relate to this right now! I've dated smaller guys before (meaning skinnier or in shape), but always the ones who really preferred thicker women, so it was no big deal. Now? I'm dating a smaller guy who has never dated anyone who was overweight and actually said, "I just don't date big girls." I still have a "Big Girl" mentality and I'm terrified for him to touch me or see me naked or in anything that's even remotely revealing. I look kind of ok in clothes, but naked is a whooooollle 'nother story Sister!

I know it's hard to break the habit of arguing with compliments or brushing them off. And you might never get to the point that you agree 100%, but just say thank you and move on. He's not going to tell you you're hot if he doesn't think you're hot. Guys just generally do not work that way. And remember, just because YOU don't like your body does not mean that other people are not entitled to!

No one can give you confidence except yourself. Having said that, being in a LTR with someone who loves and desires you is probably the biggest ego boost you can have.

I never thought I would ever find anyone who wanted to go out with me, and then I found one who actually wanted to marry me!!

I had horrible issues about my weight, although I got up to my highest point when I was already in a relationship - I wasn't faced with trying to find someone at that weight.

But when I met my dh I was about the same weight I am now - which is 14 lbs heavier than my loest ever weight, which is actually good as I know I can get up to this weight without making him turn away from me in disgust.

But we all have body issues, even when you get to a lower weight. I have a very saggy belly which I hate, and also stretch marks. I hate my dh touching my tummy and he does respect that.

But then he has his own body issues too - he verges on the underweight, and hates his body - he thinks he's too skinny, and I love him madly despite that so I figure if his body issues don't matter to me, then mine don't matter to him.

Allow yourself to accept that he likes you and finds you attractive. Once you accept that you will feel amazing about yourself.

My now DH was my first major relationship, and I felt exactly the same as you. I was 19 and working on losing weight but I was still a big girl (obviously I still am too!! ). I just eventually had to believe him when he told me how much he was attracted to me, even if I didn't believe it myself (and maybe believing him will help you believe it too). Sometimes still I don't really get why he loves me and my body so much, but he just does! That has done wonders for my confidence....all I can say is try to see yourself through his eyes, as a wonderful beautiful girl!!