I feel like I just need some accountability right now. I need to admit to my mistakes so that I can move ahead. I feel so emotional, I hope this post doesn't come out sounding completely loopy.

I wanted to reach my goal for SO long. I was GREAT at losing weight. Not one time did I go above my allotted calories, I exercised EVERY single day. I planned for maintenance. I knew what I would have to do when I got there. I was aware of the pitfalls and the calorie creeps etc. Yet, I allowed myself to screw up, being fully aware of it as I was doing it.

I've thought about it for a long time, and I've come to the conclusion that the problem was not being happy when I got to goal. What would happen is half of the day I'd decide that I'm trying to lose more, and then later in the day I'd change my mind and say, "no, I'm maintaining" and I'd eat more calories. Then later that night I'd get mad at myself for eating more calories and not trying to lose more weight, so I'd eat very little the next morning to make up for it, causing me to be hungry later, eating more, and starting the whole cycle again.

Anyway, right now I know I'm retaining water. I've had a lot of sodium and I've finished taking a round of medroxyprogesterone (provera) to induce my TOM because I haven't had it since December (So that's also why I'm kind of ranting and hormonal, sorry everyone). So I'm retaining water from TOM, too. I do think my real weight is up about five pounds or so, and I'm going to stop this before it gets out of hand. So I'm just looking for support and I just needed to write all of this out right now. I seriously feel like a weight has been lifted (literally I hope )

I hope you guys will accept a very flawed maintainer!

Oh hon, you're not flawed! The beginning of maintenance can be rough for everyone...it's a bumpy sort of transition.

First, let your scale settle before you panic about med weight gain. I've posted about this ad nauseum, but my pain meds and my scale are not friends.

Maybe it would help to go back to some old school weight loss behaviors? For example, pick a calorie level and plan out your meals for the next day to fit into it? I do this when I find myself slipping off track. I plug in my meal plan, eat what is allotted to me, and it really helps me prevent the whole "I overate, now I will eat very little" demon and the resulting overeating later. Whether you choose a "losing" level or a "maintaining" level is up to you, but make sure you've got your food ready to go that fits into what you've decided is your target.

A few days of that is often enough to get my firmly back into my habits.

Also, do you have goals you're working toward, even in maintenance? This was another big pitfall for me...I got sort of lost without something specific to work toward. I'd get aimless and end up overeating. Setting goals really helped me...most of mine are fitness related (sub-10-min mile, sub 30-min 5k, heels on the mat in downward dog, 20 sequential non-girly pushups, etc), but I have others (try one new recipe a week was one I did for a while, 7 days POP, etc). Having something to work toward helps me stay focused.

Thank you, Amanda! I really appreciate your advice. I stayed up late coming up with a meal plan for the next five days. I don't normally plan that far ahead and it feels really liberating to have a solid plan. Unfortunately the next five days will actually be sort of hectic, but I'm really hoping my meal plans won't have to be adjusted too much, but if so, I'll be making healthy changes I deserve it, and I won't let people around me convince me otherwise. There, I said it here, now I HAVE to stick to it, right? Accountability lol.

Stepping on the scale this morning really bummed me out, but you're right about the medication, and there's also TOM and sodium, but I know there truly is a five pound gain in there. I can't believe I let myself do that.

Anyway, I'm definitely going back to all of my losing habits. I'm going to make time to exercise for at least one hour/day, instead of calling things like cleaning my exercise (I have friends that do that, but it's just not enough movement for me.)

I wish I had something really great to work towards as you do with your exercise but I'm not a great runner. I enjoy it from time to time but it isn't something I can make a habit. The only bike riding I do is stationary so that's out. I guess I just need to sit down and think of a goal, something not weight related. Hmm.. that may take some time. I'll work on that.

Thanks for the support!

I can't say it any better than Amanda did.

On the exercise goal, it doesn't have to be a huge one like running or biking. Like Amanda, I have a goal of getting my heels down in Downward Dog. I also am working towards touching my toes, which I have never been able to do. I have been doing a lot of yoga this year to work on those two. Smaller goals, but something to focus on.

You aren't a bad maintainer. We all struggle in different ways every day.

The meal planning will definitely help - when I plan the whole day, including coffee and snacks, out I do so much better overall.

Thank you Shannon, I totally agree about just doing better in general when I've planned every little bit. I've started counting in my gum and splenda (bad habit, I know :/), and I've realized that some days I'm getting almost 200 uncounted calories!!! It's frustrating because people see counting gum and calorie "free" items excessive, but 200 calories a day is 1400 a week; almost half a pound (well 2/5ths of one anyway). That makes a big difference.

For the exercise goal, I think I'm going to try for push-ups. The "real kind" as suggested haha. I've never been able to do more than one or two. So I think I'm going to go for 10. This will take me foreverrr to achieve, but I guess that's actually a good thing.

Thanks for your support. I know everyone struggles from time to time and that's totally natural, but do the majority of people have problems maintaining the very day they start lol?

I'm stubborn, though. So I WILL NOT regain any more weight. I have control. As long as I stick to my favorite healthy foods, and my refreshing and exhilarating workouts, I won't fail!

Feeling better after my morning workout and healthy choices so far, can ya tell? hehe

You do sound like you feel better! I'm glad.

I started my struggle with maintenance almost immediately, yes. Couldn't settle on calories, ate to few, ate too many, increased decreased, gained, lost, changed exercise routines.... Heck, that still describes me today, too But have maintained, if not at the same weight because of some muscle increase, at a smaller size then when I entered it.

It will feel more natural as time goes on. Take the stubborn and run with it - it is the only thing that gets me through the grocery store without ice cream sometimes.

Julia, I swore I wrote the first two paragraphs of your post. My ups and downs aren't throughout the day but more like weekly. Several good days, even more not so good days. I can't say at any point I've eaten anywhere like pre-losing days. But that creep is there. After letting my clothes guide me since early May, today I actually faced the dreaded scale. I've gained 7 pounds. Heck I'd guessed 12. So I was actually giddy with delight. Clothes as a marker don't work for me - my clothes fit fine. The scale is my marker. I have my double yellow line (mentioned in other posts) as 140. That's reachable and I'll never go above it again. But for now, I'm driving on the wrong side of the road.

Like you and Shannon, I started struggling from the beginning. Reading Amanda's response to your post was so freeing. I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling in the beginning. I, too, planned for maintenance and it's WAY better than my previous couple times I'd reached goal. I mean way better because there haven't been eat fest, only calorie creeping. But there is so much room for me to improve.

I loved your 200+ cals in freebies comment. I count my equal packets and multiply by 4 cals. That one I did during losing and still do it. Seeing your calculations, I am so glad I did or I'd be at that 12 gain fear.
Marie

I have been "at" maintenance now for roughly two years and I have realised that maintenance is a journey, not a destination.

In those two years, the highest I have been is 145, the lowest 129. My "ideal" range is between 135 and 140, which is where I have been for most of those two years. I fit all my clothes at this weight, and I feel slim and healthy.

I probably don't go about it the ideal way - most of the time I go down the route of eating things I shouldn't, putting a few pounds on, then dieting for a couple of weeks to lose it, repeat cycle.

But overall I must be eating and exercising at more or less eht right level. So long as I keep my weight below 140 I am happy. I refuse to buy any clothes bigger than a UK size 8 so I have to keep my weight down if I am to wear clothes at all - simples!

At the moment I am higher than that as I have just come back from my honeymoon and put on a few pounds while I was away -although less than I thought which is good.

Basically, try your best - have a ceiling above which you absolutely CANNOT go and try to treat maintaining as like losing, but with a few more calories.

All of your replies have been so SO helpful! I honestly thought I was the only one who struggled with finding the right maintenance calorie range when I'm already two months in. Like you guys, my five pounds have also not been a steady gain. At another point I was up six or even seven (not sure because of water retention) then I was down to about only three pounds above, then just as soon as I saw that number, I had a little too much (healthy) food at a family bbq and here I am now; almost a week later, bloated and puffy :/

Like you, Marie, I didn't go back to my old habits of not understanding the distorted portions I was ingesting, but I did allow myself a few too many "treats." Anyway, I'm glad I caught it before it got out of hand. I still can't help but feel like I've wasted time. However, this lifestyle isn't about staying at one exact weight. And it certainly isn't about starving oneself in order to get back to that weight. That's why I'm focusing on the healthy choices that got me to my goal in the first place.

For the future, I do think I need to come up with a sort of "red line" or "ceiling" as others mentioned so that I'll be alerted right away if I'm approaching it. The problem for me is I tend to retain A LOT of water when I consume any "above average" amount of salt (One time it was almost 15 pounds. I don't think this is normal..?). So unless I make that ceiling very high, I may be crossing it without "actually" crossing it. I suppose even if it is just water retention, I can get back to "losing mode" nonetheless when that happens.

Thank you for all of the tips and the support. It really was such a relief to fess up to it!

Julia - since you know this about your body retaining water, you might say you've crossed over the line if you stay above it for X days, especially since you probably know when it's water vs real fat.

Julia, I started my journey in January, and you were about 20 pounds ahead of me and the same height. Your weight loss seemed so consistent it was amazing, so I was trying to keep up with you, lol! I couldn't, and still haven't reached my goal of 145-149, but I'm closer and sort of moving into maintenance mode, sort of sliding into my ideal weight, whatever that may be, based on my body being where I want it. I was curious how you were maintaining, because I just don't think I can go on counting calories every day like I have been. It makes me nuts and crabby sometimes. So did you stop calorie counting when you reached goal? My biggest fear is that I will stop doing what is necessary before I learn how to maintain and will just slowly put it all back on (again).

Thanks to all you maintainers for sharing your experience. I think Amanda nailed it with the need to have a plan that you follow. After so much time of having a routine, just stopping will feel out of control, but I don't want to have to be so anal about the calorie counting! My hope is that I will just be able to get a feel for what my maintenance food amounts will be. Then, I will still weigh every day to make sure the trend over a week isn't on the upswing. Any thoughts or experience anyone cares to share on that idea?

I also am not a runner, but do circuit training, zumba and other cardio stuff, and just challenge myself to do it longer, or use more weights, or do everything with more energy. I want to try new sports or activities I was always afraid or embarrassed to try before. My challenges are more about seeing the results on my body than on beating my previous times or anything. I'm hoping to have abs one day, if this pool of excess skin on my belly will ever reabsorb. Yuk. Not sexy.

Anyway, you can do this. You ARE doing this! There is no time limit, or waste of time while you figure it out. You have the rest of your life to perfect it.

Julia - I was going to say what Pat did about the water. I know that I can easily see a 6-8 pound swing if I really go crazy with the salt. I have a planned Mellow Mushroom trip tonight, and I guarantee you that tomorrow I will be 5 pounds heavier. (Only 5 tomorrow because I jumped two today after ramen noodles...) So, a net 7 pound swing in two days. Which will put me well above my red zone. What I've done to help with that is I weigh every day and plot my weight on a chart, with my top and bottom redlines highlighted and a column for notes about what I ate. I log in the seriously high sodium days and make the icon for the next day be a different shape on the chart. I give it a few days to come back down from the high, my average is 5 days before I notice a decent drop by looking at my chart. If I don't start seeing some change by then I adjust my calories for a few days.

Sounds seriously OCD when you read it. You could also just know it takes you a few days to flush the sodium and push water until those days are up, then reasses without the charts.