I'm a mess today. It all hit me, but yet I'm not sure if it hit me enough for me to act on it. I finally realized how fat I've become, how my belly pooches out when I drive, my back fat, and when looking into a makeup compact, seeing my excess chin, an uunwanted buffer between my chin and my chest.

My parents are visiting this weekend, I haven't seen them since January, and nothing I have fits.

Yet, instead of feeling motivated, I feel like giving up. I've been motivatec in the past, thought 'this time was different', and ended up in a binge that wouldn't end. I've been on a binge since 8/8. I am ashamed, I feel hopeless like there's no use for me to spend so much energy on something that won't work.

Deep down, I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid to try because I'm afraid to fail again. (sigh). I feel horrible. My husband is getting a bypass surgery in two weeks and then a kidney transplant later. He needs me to be here, and I need to be healthy. How selfish is it of me to just ram food in my mouth, when he needs me most?

Normally i can psych myself up, to 'go get 'em', to not see things in black and white, and just take it a day at a time.... I did that, and now look where I am.

I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself. I'm more so confused about how to help myself. I don't want to give up but that feeling is so strong... kind of like if I'm going to go with the most successful way, it'd be binging, since I'm successful at it, not like I am at weight loss.
Since January I've gained about 25 lbs, almost all of it emotional eating. My husband's been sick since Jan, in and out of doctors offices, having procedures done...

Even if someone has harsh words for me, I want any and all advice. Maybe the right gem will make a difference

It's obvious you're emotionally eating - you know that. That's half the battle right there. Now - here comes the hard part. Making a change. I live by the mantra "Change your mind or change your actions." So, either you have to stop hating the fact that you shove food down your throat or stop shoving food down your throat.
You have motivation - your husband. What I suggest is doing some meditating. Just sit in a room alone, focus on your breathing and get out of your own head. Talk to your inner child and see what's really going on. Where does this come from? Where does this hopelessness come from?

I understand the thought of beginning to lose weight is daunting. Don't think of it like that, make little goals. Take it one day at a time. Try to not eat anything for the rest of the day except for normal portions of healthy foods. If you want to binge - binge on baby carrots. There is no over night cure. You are going to wake up tomorrow, still unhappy with your overall weight, but you could be happier with the decisions you made yesterday.

Don't drown yourself with everything you should be doing. Just start slow. Maybe you can do something nice for yourself today, like paint your nails or drop everything and curl up on the couch and watch a movie that absorbs you.

You can do it! Embrace the Goddess.

No harsh words here, I just want to give you a big hug.

I've been down the same road recently. Maybe one way of tackling the binging is to replace it with another activity. So if you binge for comfort, then perhaps taking a warm bath, watching a good movie, talking to a friend, reading a good book, doing something physical, taking a nap, etc. Whatever will comfort the wounded or tired part of you.. I've heard it takes about 3 weeks for actions to become habits, and it takes time for our palates to adjust and cravings to cease, and we don't have to be perfect, but if we can make it through the first couple of weeks the rest will probably be easier. Success doesn't mean being perfect and always getting it right; you will succeed if you persevere. Is it possible to fail if you keep trying?

Hang in there. I know it's difficult but I really believe you can do it - I hope you do too. Also, best wishes to your husband.

Does the hospital where your husband is having his surgeries have support groups for spouses/families/significant others? Ask! You could certainly use something like this. It's too easy for the spouse of someone with serious illness to fade into the background and not get what they need. You aren't the only one trying to deal with so much--please don't feel alone with the burden.

If the only thing you have to try to soothe and comfort yourself is food, of course you'll turn to it.

You need to nourish yourself properly so you can be strong enough to do what you have to do, and you need to get support. Please check out resources available to you.

Good luck to you!
Jay

I have been afraid, and some days, I am still fearful of failure, or not feeling like the "me" when I'm smaller. Thank your for bringing up a good topic. I believe that plenty of people are simply afraid.

You have recognized it, and thats good. Keep up the good work. I don't think that it is an easy thing to work through, but I believe you can.

OG,

I wish I had that gem that would help... but I think that fear of failure is an unfortunately powerful force. There is that saying: "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" Ponder that question. Chew on it. Let it inspire you. When I mull that question, I start to get excited. If you can visualize what you would do, if you can visualize so vividly you can get your hands on it, touch it, feel it, taste it, do you get excited?

Switching gears... when someone is sick and needs care, the focus is on that person, and all too often, the caregiver is forgotten. Who cares for the caregiver? Like others have said, you must care for yourself. Think of something you can do every day to provide a little bit of self care. It might be going for a walk, especially as that beautiful fall weather sets in. Maybe taking a cup of coffee to a quiet spot in your house and reading a chapter of a favorite book. Maybe a book of essays? I like this Maya Angelou collection for something like that.

Please check out this site: National Family Caregivers Association. Also, if you will need help from your community of family and friends while your husband recovers, please consider having someone create and manage a support site for you at Lotsa Helping Hands.

You are going through a stressfull time and you are recognizing that you are eating emotionally. But please, please be kind to yourself. You are not "ramming food in your mouth", and when you frame it that way, it seems that you are heaping scorn upon your own head when what you really need is to stop and determine what it is that you need to do to take care of yourself while also taking care of your husband.

So stop. Breathe. Cry if you need to. And then plan. Go back through your food journals if you need to, so that you can remember what kinds of healthy things you were eating before this backslide started. Maybe right now, it's enough to just do the basics of making healthier choices, getting plenty of rest, and remembering to drink your water. And be kind to yourself as you are turning things around, OK?