I went to the fall rally today and this is what I got out of it. I am very glad that I went. The speakers were great. The theme of the day was CHANGE. It couldn't have been more fitting and it affected the other 4 that went from our group as well. We had a great conversation at lunch and I felt great that I said what was on my mind for so long.

The theme today was CHANGE. It was awesome and I learned a lot about what I have been thinking in the past few days. It really helped me with decisions that I have been thinking about.
Also at lunch (there were 5 of us that were there from our group and only 3 girls didn't go that usually attend the meetings) we had a great conversation and I got a lot of things off my chest. I told them while they were being honest that I would be also. I told them all that I can't deal with the negativity. That the group as a whole is very negative. Not just one person in general. That I can't deal with that anymore. That I have been there for 2 years and I have gained this weight. I also told them that I was going to tell the leader today that I was going to quit because I needed to do it for me. To be in a better situation that was more postive that I had to find me again. They agreed that there is a lot of negativity. We tried to figure out why people don't come anymore. I also told them for the benefit of one of the girls that whenever we do a program that no one listens that it is very discouraging and it really sucks that you put your time into trying to help and make a program good and they laugh at you or have something to say about what you are presenting. She owned up to it and said she was sorry that she is guilty of that. I didn't hold back. But the funny part is that we all feel the same and we want more and are willing to try and work together and forget the others and make this work. I ended up telling the leader that I would stick it out if they are willing to help out and pull their weight in the group and help us to make this a better group. But if it doesn't change by nov then I am out of there. I said to them all this is my last try but you have to be willing to commit to this and want it. The one girl has gained all the time just joined last year. She is the loudmouth of the group. She is planning on doing some programs. I said it is funny that no one at this table realizes that if they would do a program then they would get free dues for one month. It is in our new bylaws. They were fooling around when we did them. We voted on it. Because she was saying why not have different people do programs. I said we can't get them to do it. I started off by telling her when she was running her mouth in the beginning why don't you run for leader. She said Oh no I will support the leader. So hopefully we made some headway. We are going to start doing journals during the week or just mentally make them and we are going to start going over them at the meetings. To really start to commit to the program and really support each other and find out what the other is doing. I said we don't even know what each other is going through or what they are doing for a plan. We need to talk about these things. We don't support each other because we never talk about our plans or goals or talk during the week. What kind of support is that? So I will give it 3 weeks and see if they really want to commit and get serious then I will make my final decision.
The way I am going to approach this is to STOP THINKING ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT. Start living my life. You know why? Because when you have everything else in balance you will automatically do better without trying and the weight will come off.
There was a DR there today that gave us 2 signs. One is going to be my motto on all aspects of life.

UNLESS IT'S FATAL IT'S NO BIG DEAL!

I am going to change (which is going to be very hard for me to do using this motto).

The other sign says STOP WHINING!

I am so hyper and have to have everything just so. I am at the point with my 4 year old that I say I can't handle her because she won't listen. I want things perfect and life isn't that way. I spend more time yelling at her then I do spending the time with her. So I am using this motto on her for the most part. I also am going to use it for everything in my life.

There was another speaker there that said we have to be the CEO of us. I am going to work on that one to.
We have to take care of all the different depts that are in us. How are we doing? I am not doing good at all because I have failed there because I have not been doing it. That is why I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I feel like I have no control over anything that is why I am trying to take control of megan and it is not working we are butting heads. I am taking it out on her which isn't fair.
We have to run all these depts in us:
The athletic dept.
The nutrition dept.
The money dept.
And more

She said do we need a vacation, a raise, more time for us, a budget. etc.

Also she put the food chart like this. Would you write checks and not register it? NO So why would you feed yourself and not register it. You can't control it if you don't know what you are inputting. That made a lot of sense. So I did get a lot from today.

So I wanted to share with you what I learned today. Most of it I went through back 3 years ago when I first started my journey. Once I found myself and took back the control in my life (in all aspects) the weight came off and I lost 30 lbs. I was much happier, I had a lot more self esteem and I didn't stray from my plan like I have been doing over the past 1 1/2 years.

So from now on my posts are not going to be about if I ate right that day. But did I start to do what I have to do to get control of my life again. The weight will take care of itself. I will keep a food chart as well. But that will be just something that I do because I need to. Make it part of my routine. I will be counting my points and I will stay within my points.
Tomorrow is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I am looking forward to it. Today I laughed more then I have in a long time. I really needed it. It gave me the motivation to start the new job that I have tomorrow.
I will need your help as well. I am there for you all to.

Thanks to all of you for being there for me in this very hard time in my life. The weight will come off and I will find myself again.

I hope this helps someone here online that has been struggling like I have. I know there are a few of us that have been struggling. You know who you are and I do to. So lets drop the weight thinking and start thinking and taking care of us. We all have a job to do.

We are all CEO's of us. That is a huge job to run a whole person. It takes time, patience, love, understanding and support from everyone here. We are all in this together lets find ourselves together and start being happier in our own lives.

Sherri

Sherri, it's very good to hear you so motivated. I'm glad for you. I'm hoping that our fall fun day gives me the same. It's funny that you got all that off your chest, cuz I was just about ready to do an email. I have one lady at tops that i know i can confide in. I am one of the people that sherri is talking about. I've tried several things to get our group going, with no success. I have made some changes in my home life that is enabling me to attend curves 5 times a week, plus do stuff with brandon, like swim classes. So I have thought about stopping the Tops thing as well. I look at all the people in my group, and there is one lady that has made her goal and kept it off. But she just return to our Chapter. It's such a rollercoaster ride there. Nothing consistant. I can be consistant on my own. Without all the negitivity, or lack of inspirtation. So this is what i'm going to do. I'm going to email 2 people in my Tops chapter. Tell them how i feel, and see what we can do to make changes. I don't see the purpose of wasting my time if I'm not getting anything out of it. I too, like Sherri, need to make some other changes in my personal life, and i'm working on those things. It's really funny that skinny people don't think about food as much as we do. They are more Active, and postitive. I've also am trying a new motivation. (It's not the main one, but I have a pot a work with 4 ladies in it and 20 up for grabs. The person that looses the most in a month gets the money. Well this one girl (if you know color personalities) is so orange. She only thinks of herself, and feeds off of competition. Well I'm blue, such a caring person, i'm dropping that and taking on the I'M GONNA BEAT THE PANTS OFF OF HER ATTITUDE.) The main motivation for me to loose weight is myself. I have to work hard at it for me. No one else is ever going to do it for me. So I have to. the second is, Brandon, he needs to learn new things, before he ends up like mom and dad. I won't have it. Sometimes i get so overwelmed with what I want to get done, all i do is think about it. I don't put action in. I heard on the radio the other day. If you remove all the negitive in your life and replaced it with positive, image what you could do. The possiblities are endless. So like sherri that is what i'm going to work on. Actually, i'm thinking of just emailing both of these statements to my friends. I love the ladies at the group very much, and maybe i haven't done everything possible to get things moving. Maybe I could put a little more in to them, i'm just hoping that these ladies are wanting the same changes. I really don't believe that people are born to stay fat. I believe that we have with in ourselves to achieve everything that we want. so why do we stop ourselves. Why do we stay on the negitive. comfort, i highly doubt it. I'm thinking it's more due to the fact that we don't like change. We don't know what to expect from change. We are happy in our little world. Well this red headed diva wanta be is about to break loose. I've got a new attitude, and I'm willing to take everyone with me. So no negitive food report here. Cuz we all aren't perfect and we all make mistakes. Instead Good reports. good Changes, good goals. No bad. No blaming someone else.Taking control and responsiblity for me. I can do all things through Christ which strengths me.

Wendy,

That is great. I am so glad that I am not alone in all of this. I knew I wasn't but it is hard to be the one to speak up first. I am with you with no more negativity. We are more then food and the scale. We need to be what we want to be and start living like we want to. Don't let anyone or anything stand in our way.

Sounds like we are off to a great start. I am going to be journalling in my journal here online. I started it the other night. Check out my journal for yesterday. I can check up on you and you can check up on me with the journals. The journals are great.

I really believe that if we concentrate more on our lives (not the weight and if we ate right that day) then we will all be happier. I know I am. If we are happy then we automatically do the right thing and make the right choices when it comes to the food and other aspects of our life.

I wouldn't email just the 2 of them though. I know how hard it is because I did it yesterday but I would stand up and take a stand at the meeting this week and get everything out on the table. I bet you find more people that feel like you do. I had no idea that all the others yesterday felt like me. It made it much easier to speak my mind because we were all on the same page. Then you will know for sure who stands where and if they are really ready to commit to this and start making CHANGE.

You are right we are afraid of change. I know I am. I am very routine oriented and I hate change. But this time even though it is very hard at times and it will get worse before it gets better the change can only be good for me.
You will find that the change is good for you to. I know I already feel so much better today. Like the Dr said yesterday each little change you make creates energy within you. Then you build on that energy. He said to jump outside the box. If you stay the same nothing will change and the box will get smaller. If you change and jump outside the box then you will jump again and again because each time you get more energy and more motivated. I know I jumped yesterday and today I am not half as tired as I was. I know I have been depressed now for awhile. I can feel it lifting. I have a long way to go but at least today I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a long tunnel but I know I can make it. Before yesterday I couldn't even see the light so I am making progress.
I will be there with you every step of the way girl. Just lean on me and we will be each others support team. I know others will want to jump on the wagon to. Soon we will all be feeling much better about ourselves and our lives and guess what the weight will start to come off and stay off this time without us thinking about it.

Take care and think about the meeting tomorrow. Remember you have nothing to lose by standing up and telling the group how you feel. Just think about how you feel about the group now and the whole situation there. It can't get worse. SO by speaking up it can only get better. But someone has to speak up or it will always stay the same. Maybe others are with you but they don't know what to do or think they can't do anything about it. Well it is your group as a whole and you can change it if they are willing to speak up and stand up for themselves as well.

Take the jump wendy. Jump outside the box. You will feel so much better the next day I promise. Because no matter what the outcome you will have stood up for you and that is the first part of getting your self esteem back up and running like it should. Don't be afraid to take care of you.

Sherri

wow,that was a great letter. I hope I get inspired at my fall rally in 2 weeks like you have.the ceo idea is it.we have to be responsible for our own actions or inactions.good luck with taking back your job hope you succeed, as for me I'm still working at it