Well, this is it. I am committing to a new lifestyle, and I want to be held accountable. I don't really have any friends here yet, even though I've been here for a year and a half (Texas). Of course, the main reason for that is I'm socially handicapped, in large part due to my weight and how I perceive that other people perceive me.
I put it that way, because most people probably don't perceive me the way I think they do, but it's a mind thing. We are own worst critics, and can be our own worst enemies.
Anyway, regardless of what other people think, *I* am unhappy with how I look. I am disgusted and depressed whenever I look in the mirror. I was reading someone's post, and she talked about how she was sick of living the life of lies she created just to try to fit in and feel loved. I have been the same way, living a fantasy digital life through social websites and video games.
My social life is practically non-existent. Due to my weight, my perception of myself, and how I was treated when I was a kid, I am socially inept. I call it social immaturity. I simply don't know how to act in social settings or how to treat friends, because I have so little experience and so little confidence. My self-esteem is practically nonexistent.
Currently, I am a tad shy of 5'11" and weigh 233 lbs., with a 43" waist. My weight has been all over the place over the last 15 years, and frankly I'm sick of this roller coaster. I'm tired of extra large shirts and hoping the cashier doesn't see the size on the pants I'm buying. I'm tired of the lack of confidence that comes with being unhappy with the way I look. I'm tired of getting up to speak in front of people and being terrified, feeling I am a hideous monster. I'm tired of my lack of confidence and self-esteem. But mostly, I'm just tired of feeling tired.
I want to look good, feel good, be healthy, and feel great about how I look (not to mention the boost to confidence and self-esteem that comes with all that). I want to experience NOT being out of breath every time I climb the stairs to my apartment. I want to be able to see photos or video of me without being disgusted and depressed. I want to slap those new jeans down on the counter and beam at the waist size sticker. I want a new me! I *WILL* get there!




to you for making this important decision to put your life in the right direction. You're going to love it here. The people on this forum are so friendly, and supportive, and they're wonderful when you need some motivation. 