I need my fellow 3fc featherweights!!

Something about full moons; I always get emotional and a little cookoo

This happens every time I "diet" or try to change my diet lifestyle. I will start off strong and motivated. Then the stress and obsession becomes so overwhelming that I start to feel deprived and like I have a disorder. I know I dont but the obsession and stress from it makes me "feel" this way. Anyways, then my mind starts thinking, life is short, why should I miss out on the yummy meals I love to eat and why should I not live life. Then I just end up talking myself out of dieting. Because I dont need to lose weight for health reasons, its more of a personal comfort thing, I think to myself that I am just becoming obsessed and am not being "myself" when I diet. Its very frustrating because I want this SO bad and I feel like I wont be content or happy until I reach this goal. I am SO irritable and unhappy all the time because of my weight. The cycle starts over and over every time I make the decision to change my ways. This has gone on for years!! Does this happen to any of you? If so, PLEASE tell me what you do to keep on track and not feel like you have a disorder, or like your an outkast from your friends when you cant have the desert they are. Ugh I just wish I could win this battle. I feel the only way I have "control" of the food instead of visa versa, is when I get to eat what I want. I know this probably sounds petty to some of you but I really need/want to figure this out and overcome it!

Sorry for the long post. Hope everyone has had a good Monday.

am not being "myself" when I diet

OK bear with me while I ramble through some thoughts here ...

I think that, through my reading, I have found that you aren't very heavy. You feel OK. You look OK. You probably can wear almost anything you want.
It's hard to come up with any motivation to do something uncomfortable when you're really ... well, OK.

And if dieting is uncomfortable ... I'm not sure you've found the right plan.

Eating with accordance to Primal Blueprint didn't start out feeling like me. But then feeling like me got me to 165 lbs. Now that I'm 6 or 7 months in, it feels perfectly natural. Should I mention the "P" word patience my dear.

Eating what I want has changed a good deal. Tastes change. They do! Roasted brussel sprouts are fabulous and I can go weeks without ice cream.
Do you do much reading about "foods"? Somethings are just so processed and awful, they're not really food. I don't want them any more.

What is your goal? Is it very narrow? Perhaps make it more multifacted? Pounds? Inches? Body fat %? Minutes walked? Miles run? 35 lbs reps?

What works one day may not work the next. Some days I want to be slender, hot and some days I just want my legs to stop aching

That did turn into a bit of a ramble. Hope something in there helps you.

Oh, honey. Sometimes I feel like we are walking the same path. I could have written these exact words so many times in my life.

Chelsey, I rode the dieting roller coaster for 20 years. Never unhealthily overweight, but rarely happy with my body. Whether it was a big thing -- fitting into a dress for a wedding -- or small -- how my legs looked when I sat cross-legged in shorts -- my weight was constantly haunting me. Got a lot of the, "You don't need to lose weight. You look great!" But you get sick of being the heaviest of your friends, not being able to borrow clothes as they swap, etc. etc. etc. So I know how that feels.

Finally something clicked for me. It took a loooong time. I wish I knew what it was cause I would bottle it and sell it and get a swank beach house with my profits. But the essence of it was, I traded "Life is short, why should I miss out on all the yummy meals," for "Life is short. Why shouldn't I be happy with who I am, and be comfortable in my very skin, every single day?" I wasted so many years with a low-level unhappiness on my shoulders because of the fat roll hanging over my waistband, or the knowledge in the back of my head that those jeans that fit last summer did not fit today. It is gone -- miraculously lifted. And what did I give up?

Because the meals are still out there. The desserts are still out there. And I still have many, many chances to eat them. I can still get my beloved pumpkin spice lattes this fall. Not every day. But I can still get them. Maybe I have to give something else up on pumpkin latte day. But you know, it's true in anything -- you can have anything you want... but you can't have everything you want.

I, too, have felt like I'm not being me when I diet, because I love food and I love eating and taking that away seemed like removing a part of who I am. But that part of me was making me unhappy almost every single day. I was so worried about taking away something that made me so happy -- because it was making me so unhappy.

I have been thinking a lot about counting calories, weighing my food, how I look at a restaurant meal and try to estimate the size of the portion, etc, and thinking about how I feel about doing this the rest of my life. For me, I have accepted that this is my reality with food. Some people don't have to do it. But I am not like them. I have learned that I need more structure when it comes to what I eat. There are some things I am good at -- intuitively knowing what is an appropriate amount of food is not one of them.

On the control issue... I struggle with that a little. But if you control the food by eating whatever you want -- isn't it controlling you by making you unhappy in the long term?

I am not good with any form of delayed gratification. Without my husband to keep me in check, I would be in constant debt. I think food and calories are all like our paychecks and checking accounts. If you said, "Yes, I'm in debt, but I love to shop, it's part of who I am It makes me happy and my friends do it," we would say, "No, you simply have to live within your means. It's a bummer that your friends can go out and spend more, that they can buy Manolos while you just watch, but you can't spend money you don't have," and that's easy to grasp. But for some reason, it's harder to accept, "You just don't have the calorie budget they have. You have to watch while they eat dessert. Life is unfair." Ugh. Fat is our debtor's prison.

Whew! All that said, maybe what works for you is a much slower, gentler approach. Forget your cousin's wedding and any deadlines. Just think about making small changes that you can live with, and make them, one or two at a time, letting them sink it for a while before you make the next one. Lifestyle change, not diets.

Anyway, this is long and rambly but I really relate to what you are saying.

Amy I cant tell you how much it means that you truly understand how I feel and really care about helping me. Selfless people are rare to come by and you my dear are just that! Theres something about your words that always makes me feel better. Maybe its becuase I do think you really understand. You are absolutely correct when you say it feels like a part of you is missing without the food you enjoy. It might sound silly and trivial to people who aren't as health conscious but it really is an emotional thing! I am trying to hold on to the "old Chelsey" who used to be able to eat whatever whenever and not gain weight. But in all honesty, like you, I have never been comfortable in my own skin because of my weight. It has always haunted me as well. I've never been overweight, but I have had enough extra fat to make me always feel uncomfortable. I just always seem to battle with myself every time I start to change my ways. I start thinking "What if I died tomorrow, or became handicapped in some way; I woud be wishing I wasnt so hungup on my weight and just enjoyed life". Is that bad? These thoughts are what cause me to just "live life" and "not worry about it". But the reality is, I am not happy or content with my weight. I havent been for years. It is very frustrating when friends and family say you dont need to diet, or you look great, because in reality, for me, its not what others think but its the fact that I dont feel comfortable in my own skin. I truly believe I would be a lot more content, laid back, happier, LESS IRRITABLE and more comfortable if I could be comfortable with my weight and self. I'm afraid God is going to say "ok well you aren't grateful for the body you have, then let me show you how bad things really can be. Then you will be grateful for your body now". Am I horrible for thinking this???

I really like your analogy with calories and money. I like this becuase I have been raised to be conservative with money and not spend what you dont have. I hardly ever use a credit card. Now why can't I find the discipline for a calorie budget? I am someone, who like many others, needs a release. I work all day, school all night, and do it all over again. I need either my yummy comfort food or long nights with friends (alcohol eek), to release and wine down. But I cant do it all. When I am dieting, I feel I am taking away everything that I look forward to. Ugh I am a handful I know!

But thank you again for your encouraging words. You truly are an inspiration to me and just might be my key to success

Susan

You hit me dead on the nail. I do feel OK with myself so at times, when I am feeling good, its hard to find the motivation to do something so uncomfortable. That is a GREAT way to put it. Between not being technically overweight, me SOMETIMES feeling OK, and my friends and family telling me I look fine, causes my motivation to dwindle away. But in reality, I am right back to the beginning feeling moody, unhappy, and uncomfortable in my skin. There are times where I dont go to outings, events, dinners, etc. because I cant stand the way I look in just a jeans and shirt (my favorite outfit). That actually happend last night. I didnt go to church with my family because I couldnt find one damn comfortable outfit that I FELT comfortable in. It is such an irritable edgy feeling to not be comfortable in your own skin.

I need to adapt your positive attitude and learn patience and faith. I just can't let my bad thoughts or other influences control this situation.

Congratulations on your weight loss. It is truly something to be proud of. Both you and Amy. I cant wait till I can come back and say to the both of you "I did it!! I have finally conqured this and am at where I never thought I could be". Oh how nice that would be!

Thank you both again for your responses. They always help so much!

Hope youre having a good Tuesday!

Chelsey,

I think of God feeling, I gave you this beautiful, intricate body, a miracle of working parts. How are you treating it? Are you caring for this beautiful gift? Are you allowing it to reach its full potential? (I also think He feels this way about the Earth, and He must be horrified by what we've done to it)

As for a release, exercise can be great for that if and when you find exercise that you love. It is so individual. But if you are dreading your workouts, or even not looking forward to them, try something else. I LOVE bike riding outdoors. You don't have to be Lance Armstrong or anything. Just a nice smooth ride. Or how about yoga or pilates? I think having exercise that I love goes a long way toward making me a happy person. I think of one summer in college, I bought a bike and went for a ride almost every evening. It was this beautiful quiet time I had to myself. I did a lot of thinking on those rides. Now I feel the same way with running (though I would still rather ride -- I think there's less pain involved).

Sometimes I think this weight loss thing is easier for us old ladies, even with our slower metabolisms, because we have a greater wealth of experience and perspective. Like I said, I've been at this nearly 20 years. I have a lot to reflect on.

You will get there, my friend!

Your post made my mouth drop open.
The very reason I began my healthy-living lifestyle changes was for that very thing you mentioned--making a change and then dropping it, making a change and then dropping it. Because I also am not (nor have I ever been) technically overweight, I would eat healthily for a few days or weeks or maybe even a month and then get tired of it and give in. I did the exact same thing with exercise--ran 3-5 days a week for a few weeks (once I did it for two whole months!) and then wake up one day and think, "You know, I really hate this. I'm not overweight. Why am I doing this?" Thus, I would just tell myself I'm being crazy and obsessed and then go eat whatever I wanted and not exercise. Personally, my biggest problem was that I would look at myself and wonder what part of what I saw was the "real me" that I should learn to accept and what part of it was negligence and bad habits.
What I did (it may work for you, or it may not) was pull up a word document on my computer and write out all the reasons why I wanted to change my life, deliberately throwing out anything that was weight-size-shape related. If those things change, awesome. If they don't, that's the way I am. Then I wrote out the changes I was going to make, scrutinizing each one, deciding if this was a medically sound, healthy decision I could keep making every day for the rest of my life, or if it was a momentary thin-is-cooler decision of my 19-year-old brain.
I created this document in the end of June. I pull it up every day and use it as a food journal/place to vent/food-mood journal/exercise log/whatever else I want. I've tweaked my "methods" section a few times as I learn more about health and nutrition, but I've never changed my goals, because I chose to create goals I could sustain for the rest of my life.

Some of my goals are. . .
1. To live in such a way that I am healthy and still exercising and eating well at 85.
2. To have more energy each day.
3. To learn to accept my body whether it ever changes or not.
4. To be in control of what goes in my mouth, rather than being slave to my appetite/feelings (those are very closely related for me).
You are not staying in control when you eat whatever you want. You are being a slave to your desires.
Realize that your appetite is not who you are. If you never got to eat again, you would still be you. Your friends would still be your friends. The things that make you come alive would still be there. Your smile would be just as beautiful.
When you make good food and exercise choices, you are in control. You are choosing health and long life.

oneoftwelve These sentences are straight out of my own mind..

would eat healthily for a few days or weeks or maybe even a month and then get tired of it and give in. I did the exact same thing with exercise--ran 3-5 days a week for a few weeks (once I did it for two whole months!) and then wake up one day and think, "You know, I really hate this. I'm not overweight. Why am I doing this?" Thus, I would just tell myself I'm being crazy and obsessed and then go eat whatever I wanted and not exercise. Personally, my biggest problem was that I would look at myself and wonder what part of what I saw was the "real me" that I should learn to accept and what part of it was negligence and bad habits

I do the same things over and over and then give up and think its not worth it stress. And I cant believe you said that you look at yourself and wonder what is the real you and what parts are because of bad habbits. I think about that all the time. I think, am I at where I am supposed to be and I am just obsessed with losing weight and being ultra thin? But I KNOW I am not where I am supposed to be. I know this for a few reasons. One, I have had bad eating habbits my whole life and have never really had a solid exercise routine (except for when I did cheerleading). So I know my body is not at its potential healthiest. I also know I could stand to lose weight because the doctor said I have small bone structure. And 5'5 at 138 for someone with small bone structure isnt very good. Although I do have a lot of muscle, my body fat percentage is still at 25.5. Average, but not good. Anyways, the problem of finding a "lifestyle I can sustain" is that I love pastas, breads, mashed potatos and cheeses. But these types of foods are just not reasonable when trying to lose weight. I love wine and love going out with friends for drinks. But again, this is not okay when trying to lose weight. So then I start these "diets" of mine and just keep thinking, ok just get it over with and in 3-4 months you can moderately drink and eat the things you want. So essentially, I never really have the "lifstyle" change mindset.

Can you give me an idea of what you eat that you have found sustainable? Do you count carbs? 150g? calories? 1200? What about your exercise?

Amy You are absolutely right. God does want me to take care of what He gave me. I need to keep that in mind and not focus on the vanity of it all. I just cant help but feel so out of my element when I "diet". It makes me feel like I am not living. Oh so pathetic I know.

I have ALWAYS said I wish they had a sport for adult women like they have for men. Like men have softball, basketball, and even soccer leagues they can join as men. Something recreational like that would be ideal. But the only think I ever enjoyed doing was cheerleading and I dont see them starting a cheerleading league for women anytime soon Exercise is supposed to be a release and a way of helping with stress. Well I stress about exercising and I stress during exercising. I just count down the minutes until I can get the heck out of the gym. I guess running outside is a little more leisure for me. But again, I still dread workouts. To me, its just another responsibility to add to my list of responsibilities.

I hate that I sound like I am almost wining and such a negative Nancy about this. But as you can see, this is such a hard adjustment and I am trying to get down to the root of why I cant seem to change my lifestyle.

Thank you both for your wonderful advice!

For me it is all about being healthy and active into my 100s. I have never been overweight, and while loving exercise comes easy to me—I've been doing it for 20 years, so it's a facet of my life for good—eating right can be a struggle because I don't have to worry about gaining weight. If I don't eat right, I end up in the middle of the healthy range for my weight, and I don't like it there, but the fact that I still remain thin regardless makes it difficult to motivate myself to eat right. So I remind myself what, beyond image, my real reason is for exercising and eating right. I want to live forever. That is the only thing that keeps my diet on track. (And thus I get really annoyed when scientists try to convince me that how long you live, and how healthy you are while doing it, primarily depends on genetics. LOL!)

Well, that's not entirely true. If I eat the right foods, staying on a healthy eating plan is not hard. If you eat the right foods, and enough of them, you will not feel deprived. Honestly, it's true. If you're struggling, you need to tweak your eating plan. You can eat all the foods you enjoy: they just require tweaking to make them healthy. Lean proteins, whole grains, lots of vegetables and fruit, good fats, fiber.... These things keep you full and they taste great, too: really! Potatoes are good for you: just don't make the mashed ones with tons of butter and sour cream. You can make mashed potatoes that taste great and are much better for you. I do it all the time. Sweet potatoes are also a fabulously healthy alternative. Pasta is good for you, too: just switch to whole wheat. Whole wheat and whole grain bread works, too. And cheese, if eaten in moderation. And, in my opinion, you can still treat yourself from time to time as well. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me.

The key is to get it right now. You're young. I'm so glad I started on this path when I was 17, because I see people my age struggle with exercise and food all the time. If you can find a way to embrace healthy foods and exercise now, you will be so glad you did twenty years from now. And you don't have to feel deprived; really! Healthy food can be delicious! I prefer whole wheat pasta and breads, I love turkey burgers and chicken and corn and asparagus and peaches grilled on the BBQ. I love a handful of nuts as a snack, high-protein Greek yogurt, a big, juicy orange, strawberries with a hint of agave nectar. These things taste fabulous!

Dianne, I am so with you, this is totally me as well. I never really been overweight and always considered myself looking pretty good and of course my hubby tells me that I do and I believe him but...I have in my mind that I have to be a size 8 no matter what. it is really crazy when you think about it. I think in my head I diserve this cookie or whatever is bad but Amy is right we deserve to be happy with ourselves more. We are worth it! The food can wait.

Great post by the way. This really lifted my spirits.

Petite I too believe that it is being healthy and that is what its all about. The thing is, If I eat healthy for generally the whole day, I feel I deserve to have a nice big pasta dinner with bread and wine. To me that would be totally doable. But How is that possible to eat this way and lose weight? I can keep my calories around 1,000 by dinner time, but if I have that big meal I so crave, I bring it up to almost 2,000 and up by 80g of carbs. Do you get what I am saying? The eating I just described above (eating health generally all day with one big bad meal) IS a big difference from what I normally eat and IS sustainable for life. But the question is, will it be possible for me to get down to the weight I want eating this way??

Sweety I am so glad you benefited from this post as well. I LOVE seeing that there are people that think like my crazy self does hehe Glad we can all help eachother!

Your stomach will shrink if you can get yourself to start eating less at dinnertime. Truly: it will adapt. Also, instead of a huge plate of pasta, have less of your pasta—and have whole wheat pasta at that—and a big plate of grilled or steamed vegetables. Mix veggies in with your pasta. You'll be amazed at how much food is on your plate and it will be so much better for you and lower in calories. You can still eat large meals if that's what you like to do: you just have to learn to make healthy large meals.

Make a big baked potato as a side and eat that without all the butter and sour cream. Go easy on the condiments: make it healthy. It will fill you up, and taste good, too. Concentrate on turning your favorite dishes into healthy dishes.

I don't know ultimately what your body will choose to weigh. But there are so many reasons to eat better, regardless. And healthy food can be just as satisfying as unhealthy food—and for the most part better tasting than unhealthy food. Many people, when they eat healthy regularly, come to prefer healthy food over the alternative. And I can tell you that, in my experience, your body composition is affected by unhealthy food. They say calories in, calories out, but I say that my body reacts differently to different kinds of calories. I look better when I eat better, even if I'm eating the same amount of calories.

I'm also sure you know that your metabolism will slow with age. Without exercise and eating right, it may become harder and harder for you to maintain a healthy weight. If you can find it in yourself to adapt to a healthy lifestyle now, you may be able to avoid the struggles women go through with their weight as they age. If you keep your metabolism going with exercise, you won't have to start eating less as you age just to keep the weight off. You'll also benefit by keeping your bone and muscle mass from decreasing, which is what happens naturally over time. These two things are huge contributors to the health problems people face as they age.

I am working and just read this over lunch, so I unfortunately do not have the time to respond as thoughtfully as I would like to. But, thank you all for your inspiring posts. I completely relate to everything you described, and it feels great to hear other people struggling with the same battles. That's all I can say for now

Thanks!

Oh how I wish this were my case. I don't eat a lot at one setting. My problem is, when I am eating healthy, I feel deprived so I want to keep eating. So when I do eat the food I crave, I just keep eating and eating and eating. Not becuase I am not full, but because of the "luxury" and enjoyment of eating it. I think for me. It will be babysteps. I can't feel like I am on a diet or restriced otherwise I go crazy. I have learned/noticed about myself growing up these past years, that if I feel restricted or contstrained in any way, I panic and get very stressed.

Your suggestions are very good and I will just have to try harder at making better subsitutions..

Doesnt it make you feel better reading this and seeing all the people that relate? Its starting to make me actually feel normal and not a crazy obsessed girl with an eating disorder. I am so glad I have 3fc featherweights!!

I eat between 1600-1800 calories a day. If I subtract out what I burn in exercise, I'm getting between 1300 and 1600 daily. My BMR is in the high 1400s (1477, I think), so I figure I burn about 100-200 in normal living activities (on average).
Exercise has always been my achilles' heel. So I made a decision four weeks ago today--I was going to walk. I always ran for exercise before (that is what my siblings do) and I HATED it! So I decided to do it my way, even if I looked like a crazy old woman, walking briskly enough to get sweaty on a somewhat-hilly 3.5 mile loop in my neighborhood every day. I've added sprints at the end (a .3 mile sprint up one street, walk the next, then a .1 mile sprint down the third street, etc.) and I do a few basic exercises for abs, legs, and light weights for arms on days I have time. I also love pilates, and again, I do that when I have time or on days when it's too hot to walk. My biggest problem in sticking to a plan before was that I (1) HATED to run, and (2) I was afraid of looking like an idiot. What I made myself do was drop that stupid fear. I let it go because I wanted my good health more. I wanted to see the real body that I've been given and learn to accept that--and nothing else. I want to be accepting of my true body and not complacent about working hard to reverse the damage I've done to it.
For me, eating right was mostly about portion control and giving up junk food. For example, when my dad and all my older siblings are eating bowls of ice cream at 9 at night watching a baseball game, I remind myself that ice cream isn't gone forever--I'm just waiting until a friend's birthday party or some other special time to savor one scoop (frozen fruit is also DELICIOUS and a great late-night snack!). I use everydayhealth.com's food journal to estimate my calorie intake, but I'm only doing that to double-check that I'm on the right path. My main thing is a sheet of graph paper that I use to chart what I eat each day (along with water intake--I'm constantly forgetting to stay hydrated). That way, when I do enjoy a treat, I can say, "Oh, look, I had a treat on Tuesday at that party that I didn't budget for. Guess I should wait until next week or the week after to go for a Sonic run with my girlfriends." I also eat SLOWLY and MINDFULLY. My big problems are mindless eating (grab a handful of chips at the party, walk around, grab another handful, and so forth) and downing a plate of food way too fast. It was difficult to slow down, but I read that it takes about 20 minutes for your body to realize it's full. So if I'm eating by myself, I watch the clock. If I'm eating with the family, I watch my oldest sister (the slowest eater in our house) and I pace myself along with her. This is trickier when I'm very hungry, but it's still doable and I end up full and happy with my good decisions.
You aren't weird because you worry about this. Make good, healthy decisions for the right reasons, and your body will end up where it is supposed to be.