The past two years have been the worst of my life. So much has happened, from marital problems that are still ongoing to losing one of my best friends to cancer. I have put on a lot of weight during this time and quit what I love--running.

So many times I have wanted to start running again to get back in shape, but mentally I wasn't there.

Finally, I decided this past May that I was ready to move forward with my life. I decided to run the Mother Road half marathon. I picked this one for a few reasons...#1, it's not until October so I have time to get ready for it. #2, it's a flat course. #3, it starts in KS and ends in MO and cheesy as it is, I thought it'd be super cool to run across a state line.

This race is like redemption for me. All the **** I've been through and beating myself up. Not believing I was worth anything. Only existing for the sake of my children. This was going to be my victory. So much more than a race. (I've never been in anything other than a few 5K races, btw. So big jump for me.)

My brother-in-law is having an arranged marriage and the woman's family has picked October 9th--the day before my half marathon in Joplin--as the wedding date. In Chicago. There's no way I can do the race.

Just curious about your brother's arranged marriage, we don't usually have arranged marriages in the US. None that I have ever heard of, anyway.

We are American (me by birth, my husband and his brother naturalized.) My in-laws are Pakistani and Muslim. This is very common in their culture, even after they have moved to the U.S. It's by choice; my bro-in-law does not have to do this. He asked for it.

He married an American (by birth) woman about 6 years ago and the marriage was over before a year was up. He's never been particularly religious, but in the last several months, he's began taking his religion seriously. His parents have been on his case because he's "getting old" (34 years old this month--shocker!) and he finally relented to an arranged marriage.

My husband and my marriage was NOT arranged (no way in a million years would they choose me for a daughter-in-law.) I have not and will not convert to Islam. My husband's other brother did not have an arranged marriage. His wife is also American by birth but she did convert to Islam. Two of my husband's three sisters are in arranged marriages and the last sister will have one I'm guessing very soon, as she is "old" for a woman in their culture (just turned 24.)

ETA: I don't know why I feel the need to say this, but my husband and his brother are the only American citizens. My parents-in-law are permanent residents, my other brother-in-law is on a work visa (well, I guess he's applying or may already possess permanent resident status since he is married to a citizen), and my unmarried sister-in-law is here on a student visa. The other two sisters live in Pakistan and don't have plans to move here.

Is there another race available in the month of October or November you could sign up for instead? At least you could still be working towards your goal and at the same time attend your brothers wedding.

That SUX.

I know how you feel, sorta. My husband started running with me a few months ago and we decided to do a race together. This particular race was the very first one that I did about 5yrs ago. Well, we got all pumped and then found out that his parents 50th Anniversary party is the same day.

I'm so proud of you for getting back to running. It's so hard to go from being a runner to being out of shape (for me 2 babies in 2 years) and then getting back at it *slow and steady* again.

That takes guts, girl.

When I trained for my 1st Half Marathon, I injured myself the week before my 10 mile race that was a prep race for the Half. I went to my doc, he put the bone in my foot back in place and listened to me say how prepared I was to run and how much I wanted to run. He is a runner, himself and had a pearl of wisdom that has stuck with me:

"Sometimes, you have to be prepared NOT to run."

Sounds funny, but it's true. Part of the road to emotional health is the ability to adapt to a change of plans. I know you know this, but thought I'd say it out loud.

We are all here for you!!

Is there anyway you could not go? Or do you absolutely have to? If you have to then just look at like an opportunity to train longer and get an even better time at your next race!

Thanks for your words, mortonpixie. It's tough to swallow.

Yes, I could just NOT go, but this brother-in-law of mine is the only one in my husband's family that treats me like I am family. I have been married to my husband for 13 years and it's tough not to be accepted.

I told him my reasons for wanting to do the race and he was totally supportive, told me he loved me, etc. Which is all the reason more why I need to be at his wedding, I think. He tried his best to get his wedding date changed just for me, which is way more than I could ever ask, but wasn't able to. (His fiance was agreeable to another date, but her family wasn't.)

Not sure what your schedule for the 9th is [ie: how late the wedding starts] but this is in Libertyville which isn't far from Chicago...[or so says google maps]

http://www.halfmarathons.net/usa_hal..._marathon.html

Perhaps running a race while there would help ease the dissapointment?

Thanks, marbear. I'll look into it and see if it's possible. I don't know the schedule at this point, but I do know we'll be driving to Chicago all day Friday (12 hours from where I live, I'm told) so I don't know that I'll want to get up and run 13 miles the next day.

Thanks for the clarification. Families can be complicated , can't they ?
I was once engaged to a man raised in a different culture than me, he was a great guy, but I could see there would be many differences to overcome and I called it off.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

To tell the truth, had I known half of what I know now, I would not have married him. It's a blessing I didn't know since we made a great family together. My husband no longer follows the religion he grew up with; he is agnostic now. But there is a lot of conflict when it comes to *his* parents and their cultural/religious beliefs.