I am 19 years old and honestly can't remember a time where I felt comfortable with my weight. I always told myself that I would get on track with exercise, but I had a hard time motivating myself to keep up with it. I played hockey from age 5 until 17, and it provided some fitness but I found myself unwilling to try harder or put in anything other than a mediocre effort. I really miss playing hockey, but for many reasons, including my weight, I no longer find it fun.
The fact that my weight is holding me back from something that I love to do was something that I only recently admitted to myself. In part, it's what got me jump started on dieting. For whatever reason in the past, the idea of starting a diet never really sounded like a good one. I think in some ways it held some negative connotations, as I much preferred to tell myself that I didn't need to. But I do need to.
I've actually now found that dieting has been a really positive thing for me. I've been eating healthier (more or less following a Herbal Magic food plan, without the supplements; my Aunt joined and I am sort of piggy backing off of her food plan) for two weeks now, and although I still haven't been able to incorporate a steady exercise plan into my routine, I've already had some pretty good results. I've also discovered that I have much more will power than I thought I did, and that all those times that I caught myself thinking that I could never change were for naught.
One of the especially positive things that have come out of my new lifestyle is that it seems to have inspired my mother as well. She has struggled with her weight for years now as well, and has developed myriad health issues because of it. She was stubborn for a long time in refusing to admit that her weight was the base of the problem, but now I couldn't be prouder of her that she has. For a long time I was always terrified that I would turn out to be like her, and I was actually quite ashamed of her. I've found now that it wasn't ever her weight that shamed me, but the fact that she couldn't own up to her own mistakes and her own choices. But now we both have, and I am incredibly proud to be her daughter.
I am scared of failing still, but I have a newfound sense of capability, and I can only hope that I can not only lose the weight, but also keep it off. Overall, my only goal is to be healthy.




