I admit that there are many, many times when I feel like this big lump....sometimes I waddle, but if you were to ask me, I would say "no", I mean, I don't feel like I am waddling, ya know? But there are times when my weight feels well, weighty, and I look at my reflection in the window or something, and it will make me think that I am actually doing the whole waddle thing.

I am honest enough to say that I don't have very much grace. I wasn't raised with any of those skills. I feel like I am too old to not have grace and to not walk with my head held high like a very capable, attractive, and good woman. I do admit that I walk fast, but I am in jeans and gym shoes and not really projecting a whole lot of femininity.

I also accept that I have friends who grew up fat, but from homes where it was common, and their parents instilled this sense of grace and being light on one's feet regardless of the weight. I miss that. I think that certain graceful accoutrements often feel uncomfortable to me.

This journey to eating healthier, acknowledging when I am eating due to emotional reasons, learning how to cook healthier meals, etc., also includes a journey of finding my inner woman. I long to be more graceful----to be the kind of woman that doesn't carry herself like she is happy a man is noticing her.

I also feel that some women who have gained weight at an older age have that sense of grace about them that comes from maybe feeling better about themselves from a young age.

So, how do you deal with the topic of grace? Do you feel very graceful? Have you learned tricks and tips to make you feel graceful? What are your suggestions about feeling graceful and well, a bit of the womanly aspect that says that while I may be able to skin a deer, sometimes I would enjoy a nice pedicure and a guy holding my hand while we walk down the street.

(ps. thank you everybody for listening to my rambling. this site helps me so much and really makes me stay focused, even though I just had a few doughnuts).

I'd be interested to hear everyone's comments.
It's funny, when I was at my HW I was VERY conscious of how I walked because I didn't want to appear to "waddle".
Now I exercise (run or boot camp) every morning. I sit down at my desk at work for an hour and stiffen up, so when I get up to refill my coffee cup I am walking worse than I ever did before.

I say, for the most part, be yourself! Skin the deer, then go wash your hands and give yourself a manicure! You should embrace the qualities that make you unique as an individual.

Your post made me smile. It is funny how getting in shape can sometimes leave you a bit sore and then people worry what is wrong!

Am I graceful? No...
Can I look graceful while staying STILL? Yes...you know *strikes a pose* instant grace!
Can I walk across the room without tripping over myself? Yes...but do I do it gracefully? Probably not...

I mean I'm the girl who fell, not once, not twice, but four times when it was icy out, while leaving Church to get to the car, and the last time (all this occurred in a 10 minute time span) I fell I ended up under my parents car. When my step mother inquired as to where I was she heard "Under here...it is cold" That is me and I was A LOT thinner and younger then. I never had grace, but I make up for it in other ways. I got a true smile...and my eyes sparkle when I'm happy...I sing when I'm happy too. So, not having grace isn't such a bad thing.

I'm not a waddler, but I am a swoosher...big legs swooshing. Swoosh...

Ha! I am a swoosher too, because of large thighs. Oh, the chaffing stories of my youth and bad cotton blend pants.....

Grace is not something everyone is born with. In fact very few are.

Often peoples perceptions of grace and what is graceful differ as well...

I was graceful even when I was at my heaviest according to some... Where as others have realized that I am much more graceful now. When I was larger I moved a bit slower, with the deliberate intention of moving fluidly, and more gracefully. Now I tend to move faster, and while still more fluid it is a quick, agile grace.

That said I have friends who are 150 lbs and who walk heavier, sit heavier, and have less fluidity.

Maybe I can help a little here.

Let's start with how we walk... When you take a step do you place your heel first or your toe? Most instinctively walk heel to toe. Standard, typical and unfortunately rarely how those we instinctively think of as graceful walk. Granted if you need to move with speed this is the fastest way to do it... But to move with grace you will often find it easier to achieve if you walk toe to heel instead. Now this might sound funny at first or even odd but you need to be bare foot to really try this out. Walk trough a room with tile, laminate or hardwood floors bare foot. Walk quickly as you typically would and notice the sound of your walking. Now repeat it while walking a bit slower but concentrating on the ball of your foot touching the floor first instead of the heel. Hence the appearance and illusion of grace... It is softer, and forces a more fluid walk.

Now lets move to the hands... When you reach for a cup, mug, can of whatever... do you pick it up with all your fingers + your thumb or do you do that slightly silly, and dainty pinky out thing? For me I rarely allow my pinky to touch what i am lifting as far as a drink or fork. Again it perpetuates the illusion of grace and refinement. Try it both ways... it works especially well with a glass of water... As you bring the glass to your mouth you will notice if you have relaxed your pinky and let it lift that the tip of the glass is controlled only by the thumb and first two fingers with the ring finger only a stabilizer.

Now there is always the issue of how we dress/style our hands and feet. Do you wear jewelry? Do you wear polish? I have a rugged, larger watch, etc. for when I am doing something functional but switch it to something with slimmer, smaller lines when I want to appear more feminine but that is only because my own bone structure is slender to medium though I am tall with a "larger frame". I find that a small amount of delicate jewelry makes my hands look more graceful, and help with that quite a bit.

Just some thoughts and things I use to help in looking graceful and delicate. (As much as I can at nearly 5'10" and 290 lbs)

I don't feel graceful any more. I feel huge, ungainly...I plop instead of sit. My walk is distorted. Part of that is from fibromyalgia stiffness, but a lot is because of my size. I find that I walk stiffly, trying to keep the fat as still as possible, if that makes sense.

It's hard to get up or down, so no grace there. I can't even roll over gracefully in bed any more. I flop over.

I wear long, cool skirts in the summer, which makes me feel a bit more feminine.
During fall and winter I wear a lot of jeans and sweatshirts. While I don't ever feel like a man, no matter what I'm wearing--I do feel like a blob, "neutral" gender, as if it doesn't matter that I'm a woman because all the fat hides anything womanly. I'm just a lump, and it's not even worth *trying* to dress attractively, because nothing ever looks attractive at my current size.

It's just depressing.