I´m usually a very positive person, my nickname at my old job was Pollyana. But this week I just can´t seem to get out of my funk...
Despite all my efforts, keeping within my calories range, exercising and paying attention that my calories are nutricious, I have been loosing a lot slower than I used to, and now, to top it off, I weigh in this morning and I´m up 4.5lbs!!! WTF??? I´m hoping the scale is broken, there is just no way....
I miss my family terribly, they live an ocean away, it´s been 5 months since I last saw them, they are going through a rough patch and I really wanted to be present for them, in flesh and blood. But there is no way right now, I have to wait until August.
I can´t seem to find a way to believe my boyfriend really loves me, like he says. I moved for him, and I keep waiting for a big gesture, expecting that he´ll do something that proves his love, but it never comes. We talk, and talk and talk about it, but I just can´t find a way to trust him, and I know that although he contributes to that, I have a lot of blame in it too. I have my issues. But he, well, he does things sometimes I just can´t understand, like keeping a photo of his ex on his wallet, writing and talking with his female friends in a friendly way and never mentioning me, keeping me away from his family life... and well last night, I was playing with the computer and I found the pictures he has of his exs, and the last one has the most perfect body, tall, thin... and that killed me. What also killed me was that he took a lot of pictures of her, and with her, while with me, it´s always me asking to take pictures of us... and well, he moved for her. Last night, as I was looking at the pictures, I think something inside of me died a little, and I saw further away the possibility that we might actually work...
I don´t know, I´m just so confused... thank God for beach volleyball tonight, hopefully I´ll sweat my way out of my funk!!