How do you guys let men not control how you feel about yourself or your eating? I have been seeing a guy unofficially for a while now, we haven't been on any official date or anything, but we have hung out a lot and both of us enjoy each other's company a lot. There has been some "physical activity" if you catch my drift, but no official "friendship" or "relationship" talk.

The thing is, I can't stop thinking about him, and it's getting in the way of my life. My friends that I've talked to about this and I agree that he would not be a good bf, and that it is not actually going anywhere, but being a girl, I feel like he has more feelings than I assume and that one day maybe he'll want to take this somewhere; he's actually discreetly mentioned that he thinks about me a lot as well and that "i'm more than the physical nature" that we always end up meeting in (if that makes sense lol), but no flat out answer as to how he feels or where he wants to go with "us." We're both on summer break from college, and I probably won't ever see him, or maybe I will... the thing is that there is so much uncertainty that I am going crazy not knowing what is going to happen!

Ok, well I guess the problem is that everytime I think about him, I get emotional and just want to run to my fridge or to a near ice cream shop and order an extra large sundae with everything lol. I need some advice on how to not associate food with feelings and how to keep the perspective that I wanna lose weight for my own self esteem and health rather than to "look hot" or impress a guy. I hate that he is a part of my motivation for weight loss this time, but I have to admit it is kind of helping lol. I am doing this for myself first and foremost, and I just need a little advice on how to cut him out of the dieting equation completely, I just can't stop thinking that if I lose and x amount of lbs, that he will ask me out officially. I know I sound a little crazy, but I just would like to know if any of you girls been in a similar situation?

How do you guys separate these issues of men and food? Any tips on how to deal with men who are not willing to be straight up with you? lol

Sorry this was long, thanks for letting me vent to you guys

I think you should straight out ask him, where this is going. That is probably where a lot of your emotional eating is coming from.

The way I deal with guys who arent straight up with me is I just leave them alone. If he wants me, he'll make it known. Thats the way I look at it.

Hes not emotionally available and I'm almost certain you will get hurt in the end.

I've not really been in this situation, but i think it would make me mad xD I'd be like "how dare he drive me to eat?? I am better than this!" and I would be straight up with him- ask him what he wants, find out if its the same as what would make you happy, if you think it would work etc. And if he's just looking for some "physical activity" rather than a relationship I would probably cut away from him a bit, spend less time together and try to move on It sounds like its driving you nuts. Its good that its motivating you to lose weight but remember that ultimately your motivation and success is dependent on you, no one else Which means you can also claim the glory of your success for yourself as well

wow, that's actually something that I value, thank you for bringing that to my attention. I want to be able to say that at the end, when I reach my goal, that I did this for myself and by myself and not worry about some guy, whether he wants me or not, or whether he played a role in my weight loss

thanks ladies!

I agree with everything energie said, especially the bolded.

In a way, I feel like I can't say that I don't know where you're coming from. I was in an online, soon to be in real life relationship with a guy who I'd cared for for a long time and the thought of meeting him in the next year, finally, was what finally lit the fire under my butt to start on this journey. However... one thing I have to say is this: He was willing to be with me at 235 (and yes, he'd seen all of me via webcam... which doesn't hide much if you do it right!). He would have been happier if I was smaller, healthier, etc..... but he would have been with me anyways because he loved me. I wanted to be smaller and healthier so that I could be personally happier with him (we all know that quite often the relationship is not going to work if you're not happy with yourself and I was afraid it would be the case).

If he's not with you now... he more than likely won't be with you when you're smaller. Though the package is important... what man really falls in love with (or should)... is YOU. INSIDE you. He'd be with you anyways, though he might urge you to become healthier because he cares.

Good luck. You'll find someone, one day, who loves you in all shapes and sizes... and he'll be the one to hold onto.

You need to ask him where the relationship is going. Its not healthy, physically or emotionally, if he is making you feel so bad to the point that you want to eat. Think of your values and what you want in life and demand that you settle for no less than what you really deserve.

I have been in this situation before and its not a fun one. Good luck!

Hi sweetie,

I can say that in the past I have been in similar situations and I know how you feel, at least to some degree. I'll admit that I was with someone for months that I was totally in love with who would never make our relationship official and it was a terrible situation. That said the only bit of advice I might add to the wonderful advice already offered would be a bit that helped me see my current fiance as the amazing man that he is (we were just friends before I asked him out ;-) )
"Ignore everything a man says and only pay attention to his actions." This is totally stolen from "The Last Lecture" and it's the best bit of man advice I've ever heard. Hope everything works out for you and you're able to realize how amazing you and your success is alone. ::hugs::

The sad truth is some guys are only interested in a physical relationship. No emotional ties for these guys. Some guys are like that and you deserve better,