I had a mini meltdown tonight when this girl at my office was talking about the dress she bought for graduation. She's totally cute, probably a 2 or 4, and looks gorgeous in anything. And it hit me: no matter how hard I work, I'll never look like her. I'll never, ever be that skinny. The best I could hope for is an 8 or 10. Even if I get to an 8, I'll have stretch marks and probably loose skin. I know the point is to be healthy and feel better, but does it ever get to you that we can work so hard and never look like "them"? I don't mean for this post to bring anyone down, I'm just looking for some advice on how to get past that mindset.

I have to ask, why do you want to look like "them"? It's all perspective.

I don't ever want to be a size 2. It wouldn't be attractive. I'd be sick. I'd love to be a 12, but even at my current size of 26, I am experiencing happiness with myself, who I am, and even aspects of my appearance.

I've seen plenty of size 2s who aren't happy with themselves either. And plenty who seem to have no sense of style at all! It's all about what you're doing for yourself now.

Personally, I have no way of knowing what I would look like as a size 2. Currently, I'm 5'5" and 315 pounds. I've never been skinny or thin in my entire life. So I can't say that I would be sick if I was a size 2. Would I like to be? Yes! (as long as I still had curves!) But is it the end of the world if I never get there? NO. To me, my weight loss is about getting healthy and being able to do what I want, like play with my daughter without feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack. If that happens at a size 12, awesome. If it takes going to a size 2, then I will work until I can get there. If anything, it motivates me to see thin people, because they have a freedom that I don't have yet. And if the person used to be my size, it's just that much more inspiration to me.

I think in New Zealand our dress sizes are -2 on yours but a size 2 or 4 would be sooooo little, in the small town I live in the average size would be a size 10-12. My mother is a size 12nz and she is really little, and she looks kinda sick (myabe we aren't use to her being small).

She got the gastric bypass surgery and the dr says she is still overweight. If she got any thinner she would get blown away in the wind!!

It can get a little disheartening when you see those skinny minnies out there and worse when they can eat whatever they like and not gain a blinkin thing.
I used to be like that and think man I wish I was like them but then I wouldn't have met my lovely husband and had two beautiful kids


I just started last monday, did 7 days of exercise and am on weight watchers, went to weigh myself to only find out that I haven't lost a thing!!! I just wanted to cry!

I just really want to get rid of the 'overhanging body parts' and I will feel so much better inside and out!

I really agree with geoblewis, we have to do it for ourselves! Goodluck and don't worry about those skinny minnies.

sometimes they do bother me. i realize that if I am able to get to 200lbs or below (which I haven't weighed since I was a teen or a pre-teen), that I have lots of stretch marks and saggy skin. I do feel bad at times because part of me knows I can fit into certain clothes when I lose weight, and be more attractive looking, but, will a guy be okay with the saggy look?

But, I find that being thin and saggy is probably a lot better than being so overweight that it is affecting a lot of things in my life.

try to just focus on the positive and on your goals.

Sure, sometimes I realize I'll never be a size 2, 4, etc. But a few things keep me motivated and grounded:

1. Being a size 8/10/12 is FAR more preferable to size 26.

2. My happiness is not just about my jeans size, but is also tied to an improvement in quality of life. I want to run a half-marathon, play softball without a pinch runner, shop in a regular store, etc.

3. Many, many women are gorgeous at size 8 and beyond. I'd die for Sara Ramirez's body, I think she's like a size 8 or something. Stunning.

Try not to worry about the stretch marks, skin, etc. until you have to. It might not be as bad as you think, and anyway, you'll have plenty of time to consider that when you're in maintenance.

I personally never wanted to get that small. I loved it when I made it to a size 12 -- it was like a fantasy had come true. I loved how I felt and how I looked.

I did have sagging skin and damage from all the weight, but it wasn't enough to detract from the pluses...

Maybe I'm just different-to be super skinny without the sexy curves-no way!!

You're all right, and now I feel silly for bringing it up. I know it's a personal problem and that I'll probably never be happy with how I look, but it'll be so worth it to be able to shop in the non-pluses! So what if I never feel ok wearing a swimsuit in public? It's my fault I got this way, so I'm going to have to make sure I'm happy with what I end up with.

I don't envy the teenie tiny gals. I envy the healthy size 8-12's who have curves! My body frame could never be a size 2...and I have curves that I know will still be there no matter how much weight I lose!

I will take thinner and healthier with some saggy skin than the alternative!

ParadiseFalls-- It's not silly at all!! I know I've struggled with being happy with how I look. I'm sure we all have!! I tend to think it helps to talk about these issues and bring them out in public!

I think I've put being a size 2 into that list of things that I accept, as part of coming to terms with my very human limitations, in the forever-ongoing process of my maturing into an adult.

We've got to work with what we have, right?

I'm not much for prayer, but what does the prayer say? Change what you can & accept the things you cannot change? I don't know about your list, but my list goes something like this:

1) I'll never be a size 2.

2) I'll never be a beautiful black woman like Beyonce, or even olive-skinned, like some of the pretty women in my family.

3) I'll never be an Olympic-level equestrienne or figure skater, or a famous performer like Madonna. (I think I got over No. 3 before I hit 20, but hey, it never hurts to revisit old wishes.)

4) I'll never be a Nobel-prize-winning poet, or even a Pulitzer-Prize-winning poet, like Louise Gluck. (That one hurts the most, more than the Size 2 thing.)

And to counter this sad list of personal limitations, I try also to come up with some affirmations.

1) I will be a healthy-looking and strong size 10 & 12, in the best shape of my life.

2) I will continue to figure out how to make the best of very fair skin, light eyes and fine, thin brown hair.

3) I will still admire the grace of horses and Korean figure skaters, and pick up my pace on the elliptical when I hear "Get Into the Groove."

4) I will write my own truth & experience in poetry, prose or whatever medium I choose, and I will be a very discerning, informed reader who appreciates things that are well-written.

And not to be forgotten, Affirmation #5.

5) I will go on living & growing & finding new interests & enthusiasms, which I may be able to enjoy better & longer because I took care of my health & made myself physically stronger.

Because there are many other compelling reasons to treat yourself better & to take care of your health, even beyond being a cute size 2. (Though the desire to be a cute size 2 is not, inherently, a bad or unworthy thing, and don't let anyone make you think otherwise.)

I felt like this so much at the beginning of my weightloss journey. I can't count the number of times I cried because I was scared of the way I might look after losing the weight. I thought it might just be hopeless because I won't be as pretty as so and so. The thing is I decided to stop comparing myself to others. I am going to try to be the best ME I can be. I am not my best at 250 pounds. I am not my best at 203 pounds. At 250 lbs I was so unhappy with the way I looked. I was unhappy with my clothes. I was becoming increasingly lazy and depressed. For example I wouldn't put on makeup or straighten my hair because I thought it was a waste of time and effort because no one would care how I looked because all they would see is a big pile of fat. I think if I was to stay heavy my life would be miserable.

I think if I lose the weight there are so many more positives then looking better. Maybe I won't feel judged anymore, lazy, ugly, etc. I'm hoping to find a sense of peace in my life and losing weight has already done that for me.

I saw some girls in shorts the other day at school, and I couldn't help but wonder if my legs would ever look as good as theirs. I had to choose be fat and hate my body or be skinnier and hate my body. There might be a chance that I actually like the way I look when I lose the weight, but if not it's still better then being morbidly obese.

I guess for me a few realities struck me early on...

1. Excess skin...I won't ever be "tiny" or..look like those movie stars and what not. However, I never did look like that and managed well enough.

2. As I said, I never did look tiny and I've always been curvy...believe it or not I think a lot of men out there prefer a woman with curves because the truth is women come in all shapes and sizes. However I do feel that people find people attractive for their own reasons. Meaning it isn't just about looks, even if the world seems that way. At the end of the day even the most shallow of individuals can find something else beyond looks, so I think being yourself, being who you are, being confident, is what makes people attractive.

3. This feeling of being "small," yes I have it, but you know I've known many small people who long to be curvy or even just a normal looking weight. It makes me realize that we all struggle no matter what size we are. I knew this girl years ago who couldn't wear the tops she wanted because she too tiny. She felt very insecure about it and just as I've felt insecure about my size too.

I guess as I get older my whole attitude has changed about the sizes of clothes. Sure, every once in awhile I think "Man I wish I looked like her" or "god her skin is so nice...look at my skin...ew"...but at the end of the day I'm still a rather large girl so I don't know what I'm going to look like later on down the road. I also just want to wear things I like and well if that means a size 10 (because realistically that is where I'm gonna be) then that is what it means. Size is subjective anyhow...

I WOULD like to look nice in sexier things, but I don't really see that happening until I dive into the plastic surgery options. I mean I hang everywhere...but again I have to keep reminding myself that in the scheme of things it doesn't matter right now. Focus on getting healthy and completing my goals are a bit more important. Reminding myself of that helps me get over those vanity moments...not all the moments, but most.

my answer is NO! I can't even imagine what I would look like as a size 2. I think it wouldn't look right. I honestly don't know what size I want to be..actually I have never thought about it. I just know at 140 I was pretty happy with myself.

Try to love yourself no matter what your size